I really have to stand up and applaud the nurse practitioner that saw me yesterday. Not since the great Bambino, Babe Ruth himself, pointing with his bat indicating where his homerun was headed, have I seen such bravado and self confidence in one person. I went in, again, only because my throat/neck is hurting but I was diagnosed with a sprained/strained muscle. That was fine until I took in Javalina and he tested positive for strep throat. Instead of just saying, well, you're a loving family, I am sure you have hugged and/or kissed your son in the last few days and I understand strep is very contagious, here I will give you a prescription too. No!, we can't do that, come back tomorrow so I can see you as a patient. (You understand why I loose my shit sometimes. Life should be easier and flexible, come on!!!)
I shrug and say sure, I'll come in. Better yet, she says, I will put you in the system for 8:40am, you will be my first person after my morning meeting. Great! I will be here by 8:30am. There was no other mention of what to do, we hung out for another hour while my son got his meds, then we left. I went to work all night, show up in the morning and although my name is first, I have no way to change my presence, the computer says I am not there. I try logging in, but I don't have the code which she should have given me. She comes out at 9:00am from her meeting and goes to skip me. I said, "no, no, no! You entered me as the first person, it is not my fault I didn't have the code." She says "you were supposed to log in." I said "yeah, but then I would have been below these other three people, you told me I would be first." All she can muster is a lame "well, she has been fasting, she will be quick." Twenty minutes later, she opens the door and I am a foot away from her, she just gave in, come on in, I'll move stuff around on the computer. The dummy then says "the computer and that code was the reason for the meeting, people complain of exactly what you are going through." If that isn't dumb shit, I don't know what is. If I was one of those quiet pussies, I would still be sitting there waiting to be called on. It only got worse from there.
How is it going? she asked. I said ok, other than I have been up since yesterday around 4:00pm. "Oh, well, no worries, I'll have you on your way in a moment." she said confidently. Then the problems started. She put that little oxygen measuring device on my pinkie on the right hand. It was reading in the 80s, she declared it must be broken. She pulled out another one. This time she put it on my left hand and I got a reading of 97, cool, she almost moved on, but then she came back and started playing with her two devices, placing them on my two hands and reversing them. She started worrying. I told her "yeah, for about the last 3-4 years, I have had a problem with that oxygen reading always reading low. Apparently, the little device also reads your heart rhythm, reads your astrological sign and if you concentrate really hard, grants you one wish. Based on the little bumps on the bottom she starts with the "I am not liking these readings my friend, this could be serious." I still say "ehh, I am fine, I just need sleep right now." I say, nonchalantly. So now she adds fatigued to the list. I say I'm not really fatigued, although I do feel sleepy throughout the day when I shouldn't.
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