3/1/21 My "Wants" Are Too Stupid In The Real World?

     I know, wah!, I am disgusting with my first world problems, but I am not used to living on this side of things.  I don't feel like I can even dream like I was used to, everything has a real world dollar amount now and it makes my "wants" seem very petty.  Sorry, I am continuing on my anxiety attack of living in this world of no credit debt and staying that way.  First off, I promised Wife a nest egg of sorts, at least something that we could rely on to help get us through a few months of no work if one of us lost our job.  Second, there are things coming up just in life that need to be addressed and those things cost money.

    We had already bought a small SUV that Baby A was to learn to drive on and the monthly payment was a very easy to swallow $300 a month, plus I enjoyed driving that little SUV, it felt like a go cart, it was so tiny and fun around town.  Boy had an unfortunate accident, which I am glad he wasn't hurt, but now we have to find another good car and decide, are we paying cash or financing it.  I have started listening to Dave Ramsey, a finance guy and he says to buy cheap used cars, never anything new.  Kids are going to destroy their first car, so buy something super cheap.  I see his point, but it hurts me to think I am going to put Mijo in a $2000 car.  I am getting off my point, basically on the low end, I need to save $10-$12,000 for a cheap used car he can drive to school or a summer job (he has started telling me he wants to work this summer).

    Best case scenario, this might take the rest of this year, great.  Where does my dream of a new F-250 fit in this?  No way I can save up $70,000, plus Dave Ramsey would laugh at me on his show and call me ridiculous, I feel it too, that doesn't mean I don't still want one, just because.  I can't even fathom how to get past this hurdle, yet there is so much more.  Boy will graduate in the coming year and I had promised myself I would get him a nice watch, if you know me, you know what that means.  He doesn't even like the brand half as much as I do, but I'm not buying him a fucking Seiko to commemorate this important event.  At a minimum, this requires $5k-$6,000, and that is doing it cheaply, again, to appease the monster in my head.  I know nobody in the corporeal world even gives half a shit how I feel in my head.

    I haven't even gotten to the ridiculous part of my wants, these are "necessary wants", there is still the "wants" for myself.  I had told myself I needed a new boat, that is a minimum of $20-$25,000.  If not a boat, then maybe a new pool in the backyard done right, that is $60-$90,000 which even I think is too much, but we went and asked at Cody pools a year ago and the smallest pool they would build started in the $50,000 range.  This doesn't even start to poke at the dream of a piece of land on some waterfront, and eventually building a cabin or structure we could live in during our old years.  There isn't enough time logistically to get all this done without financing some of it, so does that mean I need to just give up on all my dreams and just sit quietly in my house and watch TV?  Can I even afford a new 80" TV for my bedroom so I can watch TV and cry in bed?  Waah, poor me.

2/28/21 Feel Poorer Today With No Credit Card Debt?

     Life is a convoluted mess sometimes.  We have been working really hard cutting out unnecessary spending and doing other sacrifices over the last five years and we have pretty much gotten ourselves out of the control of credit card debt.  I say this but I know that at any given moment Boy might "accidentally" use our Amazon account attached to the "house" prime account.  I say it this way because I used to be opposed to shopping online, but slowly Boy introduced me and showed me how to use Amazon.  He pays for the prime account and over time I ordered some stuff and it kept my bank card on file, then over the holidays I got an actual Amazon card.  All this is kept on there, so when you go to pay, you can choose whichever method or card is best at that moment.  Boy then occasionally gets "confused" or something and charges stuff on my account.  No biggie if it's a $5-$10 thing, but some of his 3D printer stuff can easily be hundreds of dollars.

    Anyways, now that we are down to just the basics, we have some income that isn't earmarked for credit cards, so naturally, Wife wants it put away so we can start a savings for a rainy day.  I have always liked the idea that we should have around six months of money to pay bills saved up in case I loose my job or something like that.  I promised Wife that would be goal number 1 if we got to that point.  We have refinanced the house finally, mostly to get the amount paid off in fifteen years, but we did borrow a little money and consequently, we are on our way to saving up what I promised we would.  I see this as free money because we had refinanced about five years ago, we still had about twenty five years to go on our mortgage.  Refinancing now saved us about ten years time and cut our interest from 5.25 to 2.75, even if the payment went up a bit, we'll still get done before I am 65, if we are still around at that point.

    The problem now is that I was in bed last night and felt a little suffocated with the idea of being disciplined and not spending money.  I felt a lot freer when I had credit cards and squeezed a little here and a little there to get whatever we wanted/needed.  Like big deal, if I don't spend anything and save every nickel for a year, maybe we can have an extra $20,000 at the end of the year in the bank.  Woo-hoo, but who cares?  That isn't even enough to pay for a boat outright plus I have to go for a year starving my needs and wants.  Then I have to think that we still need to plan for a car/SUV for Baby A.  My Excursion is super old, I need a newer SUV/truck for me.  Do I split the difference and buy two $10,000 vehicles, that is just sad, living and thinking like that is what I deserve now?  It is much easier to just say Fuck it and go finance a new car and make payments, but then we are back to not having the ability to save money.  I guess I thought there would be an immediate payoff when we got to the point of paying off all the debt, like maybe a new Rolex or something, but I can't even do that, those fucking things have about doubled in cost and you can't even find good ones in stores.

    I understand that getting out of the chokehold that credit had on us was a hard thing, but it was also super easy and convenient when you want to be impulsive and live in the now.  It will probably be good, just knowing that paying off Citicard at over $20,000, more than half of the nearly $500 a month we paid just went to interest is satisfying.  If I pay cash, then I will just pay for the thing and not that "little" surcharge they add after.  I need to get smarter...

2/27/21 My World, My Perspective?

     I woke up, looked at a random Tiktok and realized what the guy was saying had some pretty good points, even if I understood it in principle all the time.  We might all be on the same planet, on the same town, even in the same house and experience something trivial very differently, without anything being changed.

    Off the top of my head, Cinderella, the long loved fable, was a favorite of my sister's.  She saw the beauty of hope, friendship, and ultimately the prince comes and saves her.  That is the stuff of dreams and what I guess littles girls hope for.  To me, I see a girl going into a fantasy world after her mom dies, the dad doesn't care much or he would have noticed the abuse from the step family, she spends her time with vermin, surely getting some great gems like hantavirus, bubonic plague, salmonella, or a host of other deadly diseases, mice do nothing but carry disease and destroy property, they are not cute and wholesome.  The best she can hope for is the prince and future king is going to save you, come on, but I guess in a fantasy anything could happen.

    On a bigger scale, this is what is happening with our world and part of the chaos.  I live in a world of hope and prosperity, we work hard and the result is that our children are benefitting from a more comfortable opportunity.  I believe we are building a slow tower where my parents built me up as much as they could so I had it better than they did and now it is my turn to make my kid's lives better.  There might be some stumbles along the way, but all in all, we are a team and it is a good time to be alive.

    These people destroying property and screaming for more, have maybe never had the "easy" life we have endured, but it isn't the country's fault, look to your own.  What did your family do to help you along, what are you doing to make sure the world is better for your kids?  My belief is these people should lower their heads and get to the business of working hard.  The world doesn't owe you shit.  Make the best of your situation and make improvements for your kids, make sure they get an education, learn a skill, a craft.  I'm sorry, we live here together, find a way to be useful to society and society might reward you.  What good would it have done me if my parents had spent all their time throwing bricks at buildings and starting fires to bitch, moan, and complain?  I think they spent their time well providing for us quietly, always having a home, food on the table, and gave us what we needed to make us stronger people.  That is really what this great country provides, the chance to climb up through hard work.  Nobody ever promised me that I would get to be a millionaire, but through my actions, maybe my kid or my kid's kid does get to get there.

2/26/21 Is This End Of The Tunnel Light Everyone Talks About?

     We have been working our asses off trying to get out of credit card debt for about the last five years.  We are finally there, pretty much, maybe we have a little debt here and there, but come on, Amazon makes it too easy, with a credit card to boot.  Anyways, I have dreamed off buying my own piece of paradise in some version of waterfront property since I started working.  Honestly, if I thought I could have made a decent salary working in Corpus Christi or Houston/Galveston, I would have settled there instead.  I love Austin and life here has been great, but I only stayed here because after I finished college it was too expensive to rent a U-Haul and take my stuff somewhere else.

    I remember when I first got my boat back in 1998, we would float around the lake and see property off Lake Travis selling for $100,000 a lot.  It seemed like a lot of money back then, but those lots now sell for $300,000, just for the land.  One can still find them, but I am not paying that kind of money.  Even if I could take the bite for the land, the house would then probably be valued over a million dollars and we wouldn't be able to keep up with the taxes.

    I swear I have been looking on and off for years on Zillow and other websites, hoping for that perfect piece of land overlooking water.  If it looks like my dreams want it to, it is too expensive.  There are some I have seen, but then the thing is sketchy.  There is a community near Port O'Connor and it has lots for sale in the $60,000 range.  That seems affordable and the houses that exist there are beautiful and look exclusive, meaning well cared for.  The problem is that I looked into the community and at one point it went bankrupt and a bank took over and there were lawsuits.  I would hate to buy land only to find I didn't really buy it from the legal owner or something tricky like that.

    Last night I looked and another community like that popped up on Zillow, this one in the space between Galveston and Houston.  It looks real cool from above, it has a circular design to it with maybe a couple hundred lots available.  This would work for me, I would love to buy the land now and pay it off, then in the next ten years, build a retirement home for when we get older.  A place where we could gather as a family and vacation together.

    This week, for the first time, my mom said they were interested in doing something like this, as was my sister.  My brother in law says he knows a guy selling some land on a riverfront, so that is another angle to look at.  I could be persuaded to go that route, at the end of the day, I do love the idea of being with family, I just wish they would have moved with me to Austin instead of me going back to the small town.  This is probably a developing idea, we will see where it goes in a year or two, stay tuned.

2/25/21 Paying For That Frozen Week Off?

     The cold last week is still affecting us this week at work, and I don't like it.  Normally, everything just rides along a smooth train track, we don't even think about how important electricity is, but power and energy really make the world today what it is.  The goal was to get everyone past those impressively cold temperatures we experienced for one weird week, I find it hard to believe that a week later here I sit with the air conditioner back on, it was too muggy last night.

    But anyways, to survive last week, the power to our site was turned off.  As I heard, power to most large manufacturing sites was turned off, which was at that moment a good idea, all that equipment does use a lot of power.  The kicker is this week, we are having all sorts of issues we aren't used to dealing with.  One of our tools arced and almost killed a guy while he was trying to start it up, he said he was looking in the cabinet underneath where the pumps and guts to the tool are and the sparks shut out inches from him, ughhh.  I am glad he is okay.  As a result, we are down to one analysis tool for awhile with a backlog of work because we didn't process anything for a week.

    The imaging tools were also having a hard time coming back up, these tools stay on 24x7, most of the year, only getting turned off to get serviced very rarely, even then, if vacuum can be left on, if it is just a software issue or something external, then the vacuum doesn't even get turned off.

    I came in Monday night, assuming the dayshift people had been in and I was told to go ahead and run qual wafers through a tool that somebody turned on during the day.  This was about the only thing I could do Monday which I was fine with, but nobody told me that no one else had been in.  I thought the dayshift crew had been in and washed everything down, after the pumps and filters have been off, it is a good idea to wash and wipe everything down because as you know dirt and stuff crawls around even in a clean house.  After running my quals, being all proud to know I contributed my small part while our analysis tool spent an extra night running under vacuum, they kind of got after me for not wiping everything down.  My only excuse is no one told me I was the first one there and I had to do that.  I assumed that since the tools had been turned on by someone, they had wiped stuff down and there was a guy in the lab, the one that almost killed himself, he works for the other company we share the lab with, and he was running samples on our analysis tool, he determined the tool needed to run under vacuum longer.  He was qualifying the water supply sitewide to release us to get back to manufacturing and that was important, but if he was prepping samples, shouldn't he have been wiping and cleaning during the day?

    All's well that ends well, no real harm done, I just don't like when I "make a mistake."  I assumed the two guys that were supposed to be there during the day had been, I don't see them normally so it wasn't out of the ordinary for me to come into a quiet lab.  If the tools are going to be brought up, shouldn't it be assumed that the person doing it would also give it a wipe down?  I did change the chemicals it uses to process wafers on it because I figured those were the same ones there from before the tools were powered down.  I'm not making excuses just clearing my conscience because I try to do everything correctly while being efficient.  I am not going to voluntarily wipe everything down if it has already been done, I like to move along.  My efforts are always to give the customer the data he needs, I prioritize moving product through the night.  I like to think I am the elves in the story of the cobbler and the elves where every morning he would awaken and all the shoes would be made through the night.

2/24/21 I Hate The New Generation's Energy?

     There are plenty of reasons to knock this new generation of kids, and I would say millennials, but now I hear that they are Gen Z, so I don't know.  Basically, this jack-offs born after and around 2000 that have invaded everything and are attempting to make things super soft.  Why did our generation produce such spineless winnies that refuse to get their hands dirty and really experience life?  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't challenge my kids in some way, not to be an asshole, but so they know this world is rough and they can't melt at the first sight of something they don't agree with.  It probably sounds lame, but I was set off by an Instagram post where two massive dudes are lifting these round stones and placing them on a chest high shelf.  One guy gets done without fumbling the last stone, there are about 5-6 and then he goes and cheers for his competition to make sure he doesn't give up and finishes his set, the poor guy dropped the last stone and had to go back down and grab it and bring it up again.

    I know this is a nothing event in the world of life, but to then read the comments where all these kids seem to be dismissing the efforts and basically being disrespectful, pissed me off.  I guess I take offense because I am a fan and although I am built in the frame of these guys and have lifted weights for periods of time, I could not lift the insane amounts that this guys do.  Call them what you want, these guys spend insane amounts of time training in the gym, and they consume crazy amounts of energy to accomplish this goal.  I have followed some on Youtube and it isn't out of the ordinary for them to eat 20,000 calories a day while training.  People trying to diet try to stay at or below 1000 calories, for perspective.

    The stones in question weigh in the neighborhood of 350 pounds, which is what I weigh on a light day.  The comments were full of these soy boys saying "weak" or "that's me lifting a case of water into the trunk of my car" and then it got worse from there.  I was taught that if you got nothing nice to say, don't say anything, why live in a world of hate?  I say worse because then some kid added race into it because the two guys were white, he wanted to indicate that white people are stronger.  This is just stupid, it's not the race, it's the stamina and training an individual puts into something.

    I guess the real pisser for me is that I am getting tired of reading negative comments all the time, I don't see why people have to be nasty, do we really have that much jealousy in the world?  Get off your lame ass and do something, put in the work, then you too can be awed and admired.  Talking shit about another person's efforts doesn't make you better, it makes you small and that is what I see, a bunch of self entitled weak little boys talking shit.

2/23/21 Working On A Back-up Energy Source?

     I am trying to stay focused on some of the goals we talked about while we were dancing on the edge of losing power last week.  My easiest but most expensive solution is to just buy a whole house generator, which I see for sale at Lowe's for around $15-$20,000.  Although the solution sounds great, there is the problem of having access to fuel to run it.  Generators, as I have seen, can either run on gas or they can run on propane.  If I was thinking we just need to be ready to lose power for an afternoon, I wouldn't hesitate to just having a couple containers of gas in the garage, or siphoning from the cars, but some of the people were without power for as long as four days, and this starts being a logistics problem to either keep gas in the garage, which can be dangerous, or investing in a propane tank and bury it in the yard.

    I made some calls today after asking on our neighborhood Facebook page if anyone had gas plumbed to their house.  I found out a couple people do have gas from the street and buried underground, but for the most part, people just get a propane tank and bury it in the yard.  I called Texas Gas, which one of the ladies said was the gas provider, but they do not come over to this side of the community.  The lady on the phone asked if there was a creek or river and I guess that prohibits from having a gas line buried nearby.  i am not so sure about that, but either way, she said I could not get natural gas this way.  She said my best bet would be to use propane.  I tried calling Amerigas, but after waiting on hold for 20 minutes, I hung up, figuring I'll try again some other day.

    My brother is scaring me a bit that once you get the big power source, you put a target on your head and someone else might try to bring harm to us to gain access to that power.  He does make some sense, so I am also looking at smaller generators which can be more silent and maybe if we keep it in the backyard, nobody will see what we are up to.  I also like the generators that are basically big batteries which can then be used as portable generators to power smaller devices, like keeping a light on and charging your phones.  Ultimately, I would opt for 1 of each, like I said, you can't have too many power sources.  These batteries playing at being generators also have the option of having solar panels or windmills to provide power to the power source.

2/22/21 Did Last Week Happen?

     I had a weird feeling last night after Wife went to sleep around 10:00pm.  I decided to load her bag and half a case of water bottles in her SUV so that I wouldn't be carrying a bunch of stuff at 5:00am.  The difference in temperatures was really crazy.  I almost felt our normal muggy feeling like maybe I should turn on the A/C inside the house.  We had gone out early in the day to get some tortillas from a restaurant nearby, Rosa's Tortilla Factory, and the weather felt perfect.  We got back home and almost cracked open all the windows, but after we ate brisket, super early in the day because I smoked it overnight, I got sleepy hard and slept a couple hours in the darkened cool of the house.  Wife wanted to keep the blinds closed so we could nap in the dark.

    By the time we got up later in the day, it was closer to 5:00pm and we figured it had cooled off outside but I guess it was cooler in the house than outside.  By Sunday night, all of the snow on the ground was gone, so to us here in the neighborhood, we don't have much proof that we experienced a bad week where we were trapped in the house.  The only proof that remains even right now (11:30am) on Monday morning is the trash can that was never picked up last week.  We have the giant can and normally fill it to the top but can manage to close the lid.  It has gotten so full that the lid does not want to stay closed.  I know the city doesn't like it like this, but it is now two weeks of trash sitting out there,

    I am also amazed that it looked like the trees were all going to die, covered in ice and snow, but here a few days later and looking outside I see a bunch of green grass, green trees and color all around.  The white was magical and beautiful for about an hour or two.  Waking up in the morning to see outside and everything is awash in white is a little spectacular until you try to step outside and notice that the cold bites hard on skin.  I stayed inside most of the week while it was very cold, other than when I had to go break the ice off the A/C units in the yard, and when I grilled some steaks at one point.  I don't mind cool weather and even during the normal weeks, I will go to work in shorts with the weather getting down into the 40s at night.  The past week of teens and single digits was a totally different animal.  I was honestly very worried about busted pipes and damage to our house.  We did have the pipes freeze up on us for a few hours on multiple days, but I was quick to add heat to the areas to help thaw them out quickly.

    I want to say that we will be better prepared for an event like this in the near future, but until you go through some suffering, one doesn't know what becomes essential and what to focus on.  I never thought power was something we could loose long term, I accept power failures for an hour or so while they fix something, but to go through this days long without power like my folks sounds like more than I want to handle.  I saw stories of people burning furniture in their chimneys to try and stay warm, and that is hard to imagine that is where we were a week ago and today we are contemplating turning on the A/C to cool.

2/21/20 Stepping Out After The Freeze?

     I know some people experienced a horrible event this past week after the power went down and there are still some communities waiting for their lights to come back on, add to that most big communities Austin included, are in a water boil notice, but Saturday was just a beautiful day to get out of the house.  I was hesitant to go and explore because my thought was that people are going to be in panic mode and with very little patience as they try to get into empty grocery stores and trying to get the few resources out there, but that wasn't what we experienced.

    I decided once we left the house that I wanted to go to Cabela's, if anything, to see how much camping/survival gear costs.  Before we got there, Wife demanded we go eat first.  I always hate to eat before shopping, I fear the urge to poop, but I had just gone and showered so I figured things would be okay.  We tried Cracker Barrel because the parking lot was only about a third full, but they were only doing take-out.  It was the same at Zaxby's and a couple other places.  We finally saw that Dan's Burgers had people inside and so we decided on burgers for lunch.  The meal was really good, they make a decent fat juicy burger, I just hate the cost.  It was Wife, Baby A, and myself and the cost for 3 burgers, fries and drinks was over $39, Wife did also get a milkshake.

    The restaurant was busy and the cashier said we had just missed the lunch rush, so it had been busier.  I really do like that all these businesses are having success, I would hate to see so much variety in our eating options have to close due to Covid-19.  People seemed to be behaving themselves in that area, at least.  Nobody seemed frustrated and driving aggressively, everyone seemed to be courteous and driving like humans.

    I liked that Wife didn't whine about hating Cabela's like usual, she seemed interested and like she bought into my line of thinking.  We went upstairs to the camping section and looked at different lanterns.  I was thinking of those that run on the green propane cylinders, but they only had a real fancy type that was like $170.  These lanterns are supposed to be cheap, I had seen them for like $40 in the past.  We settled on a couple of lanterns that run on D cell batteries.  We also saw that they had some Lifestraws, which is like a fat straw that filters water, and the idea is that one can suck directly from a stream or river and not worry about bacteria and contaminants.  We got a set of four, but will eventually get a couple of extras since we always have a few more people in the house than us.  I was hoping to find some cooking sources that run on gas and can be used indoors as I saw online, but none of the packaging said safe for indoor use.  One could say we are overreacting after the fact, but I don't want to be caught in these scenario again.  It is basically embarrassing for the rest of the world to look at us Texans as weak and ill prepared.  I know that at least for myself, we will have a generator, various heating sources, Wife recommended a small A/C to cool one room in case we loose power in the middle of summer.  This would save us from having to worry about getting a huge $15,000 generator to operate the whole house.  A decent one to keep the freezer going and a small A/C would be enough and that would be less than $1000.  I saw that Cabela's sells dried food boxes and packets.  I want to consider some of these, but I want to read up more on them.  Boy suggested going to an army surplus store and buying MRE's but I remember when Wife's dad got us some and they were edible but kind of gross.  The Cabela's options were not cheap.  A month supply stored in buckets, sells for $479.  Again, it is a good idea, but I am not sure this is the cheapest place to buy stuff like this and I don't know if they are price gouging us right now.

    Still, we are very fortunate that we did not suffer the cold or water damage from broken pipes.  It was a little nerve wracking and I know I will pay a pretty penny for the electricity to keep us warm and the water bill will be crazy high, keeping all the faucets running both hot and cold to save from busted lines.  Still, we will pay the cost and move on with our lives.  I feel for the many who lost all their belongings in houses that flooded, some people died in the cold freezing, to add insult to injury, a lot of people crashed and damaged their vehicles venturing out whether through stupidity or to try and find shelter after their power failed.  For some, this nightmare of a situation will continue for months.

2/20/21 This Past Week Was Just A Test?

     This past week was just a test and some of us were lucky and barely suffered while others were really tested to their core.  Although you could go forward mad, that is not what intelligent people would do.  Study the problems that arose and work towards a solution so that this situation does not happen again.  The biggest one was power to run our homes.  It has been estimated that up to 40% of the state was without power and supposedly we were within minutes of the whole states power grid collapsing.  As upsetting as this is, going forward we can plan accordingly and at least invest in a small generator that can run a small heater and some lights at a minimum.  I had been looking at large scale generators at Lowe's that will power the whole house, which at worst would cost $15,000 to $20,000.  The problem with this is we don't have gas coming to our house so I need to look into the possibility of installing a gas storage cylinder of some kind out in the yard,  My folks have one of these, it is about 10ft long, looks like a submarine and it would get filled a couple times a year back when I lived home and the water heater, stove, oven and a large heater in the living room ran off this tank.  The other option would be to get a smaller generator that runs on gas, which if we have our cars in the driveway, we could always plan on filling and siphoning that gas as needed along with some 5 gallon containers, but that would not power the whole house.  Certainly, the freezer and refrigerator need to keep running in an emergency, my siblings and folks all lost what was a good amount of reserve food due to sitting without power for 2.5 days.

    The next thing is to set up a shelf or closet with survival gear as I saw on some Tiktok videos.  This event is making doomsday preppers of us all, but we should have alternative cooking methods.  I did buy a couple bags of charcoal to burn in my regular grill had the power gone off, but two bags would have only cooked two meals.  I am going to plan a few larger bags of charcoal with possibly a newer smaller grill to cook more efficiently along with ordering some of these butane cook tops I saw online that run on butane or propane disposable cylinders.  These can be used indoors to heat up simpler meals.  Along with these, I am looking at lamps that run on oil.  They sell the oil for these lamps by the gallon and larger containers, I will be getting a few gallons of this.  This fuel type does not expire as long as it is stored in a cool dry place.  I like the idea of batteries and flashlights, but they do good bad over time.

    Thirdly, I believe we need food that can sit on shelves, whether it be peanut butter or freeze dried foods, the more variety the better.  I know powdered milk kind of sucks, but if it can sit on a shelf, I am getting some along with powdered egg stuff.  I knew we had some eggs, but I only bought one extra 18 pack before the storm arrived.  This became a staple in the morning and they went within the first three days.  We were lucky that I buy a few packs of sausage breakfast and link every time we go to the store because we made some every day and we still have a few of both kinds in the freezer.  A bag of potatoes was also very helpful, Wife mixed in 1-2 potatoes to every breakfast and it made the meals go a long way.  Coffee is another thing I should plan better.  It just so happened I was on the tail end of my big box of Kuerig pods, but I did not run out.

    We fared well, we were only without power for less than an hour, but my family back in Crystal went through a hard time, an alternate heat source would have been great for them in this situation.  I am pretty sure we will all be investing in at least a small generator to keep the fridges running for next time.

2/19/21 New Day In Tundra, New Problems Abound?

     I really don't watch the news or regular TV anymore, it just seems so full of itself and the commercials are endless.  Wife wanted an update of what was going on around town so we looked for a news station.  We didn't have much luck until we jumped on the Roku and looked for something with local news.  We found one reporting on the day's events and things do not look good at all.  It is a complete mess all over the state, it is not even focused on any one part.  People are suffering all over.  I am sure many elderly people will be found dead once we get past the cold days and we start accounting for everyone.  It has to happen, some parts of town lost power on Sunday and never recovered.  If that wasn't bad enough, losing power means the pipes aren't being minded and focusing on keeping the water running just doesn't seem to matter.  I am sure half of those places without power are going to have busted pipes afterwards.  We are already seeing many examples in apartments, homes, stores, businesses, pretty much everywhere that has water pipes.

    I have been running my water since Sunday, I am fearing the water bill now, but what is the option, if we shut it off, we risk the pipes freezing and water damage can easily get in the thousands of dollars.  The city announced tonight (Wednesday) that the largest water supply facility has been compromised so the city water should now be boiled before consuming, to be safe.  If houses have no power, how are they supposed to boil water?  To add insult to injury, the few local stores that have opened have not been restocked because trucks can't get here, so even after waiting up to six hours in line, there isn't much food on the shelves.  I am worried about my folks, my mom was confident that they had enough food to get through the weather then they lost power.  Food spoils without power, and I don't think it is really cold enough to put it outside over there, but I don't know.  They are simply too far away to try and bring them over to my house where we have been lucky and been without power for less than an hour all week.

    Some people are using their cars to at least keep them warm, but that only works while they have gas in their tanks.  The news was showing cars in lines for hours to get gas and they were reporting that many gas stations are simply running out of gas.  This in itself is dangerous because cars do produce carbon monoxide and it will silently kill people, there have already been reports of people in Houston dying this way.

    The last part to this tragic week is Texans suck at driving in icy conditions and even if the sun was out today, we have a lot of ice on the road.  There are car crashes everywhere and stories of people being saved from ditches along the road by people in 4x4 trucks.  I want to be mad at the people venturing out, but if they don't have food or are trying to get to a friend or relative with power, people have to risk the streets.  This is a horrible cascade of failures that seems to be never ending and we are expecting another round of snow tomorrow afternoon, so the ugly part is not over.  Hopefully, the weather is supposed to settle down by the weekend, I can only hope everyone can find the strength and hope to realize that we can get through this.

2/18/21 Just Trying To Get To The Weekend?

     Oh man, I was feeling pretty good this morning.  We woke to pipes that were not frozen over in the kitchen and bath, the house at 71 degrees, then I looked at my phone.  My neighbor had texted that one of my A/C units outside was wobbling around like an unbalanced washing machine and sounded like it was going to fall over.  That is not something I like to hear, but I braced for the cold, went to pee, turned off both units upstairs and down, then headed out.  I figured there would be a little frozen ice and snow on top of the units, I didn't think it would be as thick as it was.  I had Boy's heat gun, which has been helpful lately and started melting the ice.  It didn't look like anything was broken, but it was about a third of the way up filled with snow inside and the ice was almost an inch thick in parts.  The vent on top had the ice so thick, it was almost sealed shut, I don't know how it worked the last 3 days continuously to keep us warm.  I called DD to come out, he likes being a hero and he quickly went and got a little torch from his truck.  He did much better and faster melting with his gun, and within five minutes or so, we had all the ice on top removed.  We then reached in with a plastic pick and broke the ice from the blades which were probably making the unit run unbalanced.  I then tried running them and they were back to running quietly and normally.  I thanked my neighbor and put that chapter behind me.

    Wife woke at this point and came down, 10:30am is a little early for her on a day off, but she offered to make breakfast, so all was good.  I had just talked to my mom and they have now been without power for over 36 hours, at least.  I tried joking that we were sitting here in 72 degree weather debating whether to eat some steaks or burgers later tonight as Wife was heating up homemade beans with some sausage and eggs.  I feel bad for them, but I can't do much over here.  She was talking about their RV which is parked in their backyard and she at least got the stove going to heat up some coffee and what they could find to make for food.  I went on about how lucky we have been to not have lost power this whole time while many people we know are sitting without power all over the state.  We then hung up and I finished eating my tacos while looking around Youtube for interesting articles and then it happened.

    It is a helpless feeling that even with all preparations, it still feels like you are on your own.  Our power went out.  The lights flickered and died, then everything was silent, the hum of the fridge, the hiss of the heater pointed into the cabinet under the sink.  Only my laptop stayed lit because of the battery.  I put it in sleep mode just as the internet died and the web page went white.  Wife started gathering all the candles we have, I started yelling at the boys to not be dumb and open doors or run the hot water.  Wife insisted on washing the few dishes remaining, I told her to just hurry, at which she made me do it.  After this there is nothing to do but go lay down under the blankets and hope this doesn't last all night.  I took out the steaks we had to defrost and make tonight, figuring better to grill them with the charcoal we have on the older grill than have them spoil.  Thirty minutes later, as Tiktok had stopped updating on my phone, I guess 5G failed as well, I was dozing off, then the power came back on.

    We were without power for 50 minutes, I feel so bad for those who have been without power for days.  I told my family that this is just a lesson for us to be better prepared for the next emergency.  We should all own a decent working generator, wood and or charcoal in a dry place for emergencies, maybe even some of that food doomsday preppers are always advertising, a well stocked freezer (the generator can keep it running) and alternate heating sources that can be used indoors.  This is a hard lesson but it does teach us what happens when we rely on our government to take care of us.  They will always factor in a cost savings some of us don't care about.  It is a great initiative to be green and save the planet for future generations, but if it will potentially harm us in the process, I say fuck all that noise and let's get a nice oil fire going.  We, specially here in Texas with all the oil and natural gas underneath us shouldn't be thinking about going into survival mode when it gets cold for one lousy week.

2/17/21 Our Fragility Is Getting Exposed?

     Last week, I was sure we were getting close to having to turn on our air conditioners pretty soon and since November when we installed two new systems to our house to replace the original ones that were going on thirteen years of age, we have had to run them a couple nights when the weather got muggy and stale.  What I wouldn't give to get back to that.  This deep freeze sneaked up on us and it was only because we looked at the forecast to see of we could maybe plan to go to the lake this weekend that we noticed that the cold was coming very aggressively.  Still, I thought it'll be bad for a couple days and I might miss Monday and if lucky maybe even Tuesday this week.  Don't get me wrong, I am not lazy and the kind that looks for excuses to miss work, I really don't unless it is a holiday time and Wife is off too.  I was shocked and a bit alarmed to find that our facilities were actually shutting down completely, as in the site was going to be taken off the power grid.  In the 25 years I have worked there, we just don't do that, there was a winter break about ten years ago when they shut everything off to install new generators or something important like that, but our tools are really meant to be under vacuum and powered at all times.  They told us it could be 1-3 days of complete power down from today.  That means it could be the weekend before things start getting back to normal.  We are just not prepared for this.  On paper the weather does not look too bad.  The last two nights we got down below ten degrees, but during the day we were in the mid 20's.  Because of the snow though, we really can't leave the house to drive anywhere, it is just too dangerous.  DD went and dug up the ice on the street, his girlfriend's supervisor, who is in California, wanted her to go to work.  They pulled up a sheet of ice about an inch and a half thick sitting on top of the asphalt.  We aren't going anywhere until that melts.

    We have been really fortunate that we bought the freezer when Covid started.  I bought a lot of food this past week, but I was assuming we would be stuck until Today, the latest.  Thankfully, we still have 2-3 big packages of chicken breasts, a brisket, bunches of packs of burger patties, like 4-5 sausages, some breakfast sausages, bags of chicken tenders, fish sticks, a few pizzas, and then more stuff in the freezer attached to the fridge.  I am not a fan of rice and noodles and crap like that, but we surprisingly have a bunch of bags still in the pantry.  I am glad Boy and Sweetie are here, I would hate to worry about them in some apartment running out of food.  DD and his gf have also benefited from being here, they usually rely on food delivery services, but that is not an option right now.

    I know my folks have now been without power for at least 24 hours, some people have been without power since Sunday.  We have been lucky so far, the worst part has been fighting the pipes from freezing over, this morning the hot water line was frozen, even though it made it through the night, I came down and checked at 6am and they were fine but then at 8:30am the hot water froze.  We will have a huge water bill running the water at each bathroom and the kitchen for so many days, but it is better than a bill to fix a busted line and the mess that would entail.

    If anything, this gives us a chance to cycle all the older food out of the freezer and give us a chance to start anew.  I really like having an assortment of steaks, briskets, chicken, and a whole shelf of ice cream to enjoy but some of those dates are saying the meat is from the summer of 2020 and that makes me cringe a bit.  Still, it is a good place to be, I am not complaining.

2/16/21 Blame Green Power For Rolling Blackouts in Texas?

     I had to jump out of Youtube and go look at articles in Google, but I did read it and kind of believe that Texas is suffering blackouts because of our increasing reliance on green energy.  If this is what it means to be green, it is yet another reason to kick AOC right square in her ignorant ass.  Believe me, I got suckered into buying solar panels for my house about 5 years ago.  I have yet to feel like I won anything of an advantage in that deal.  My light bill hasn't changed much plus I have an extra bill of $311 a month to pay for the solar panels for a twelve year span.  They are supposedly good for twenty five years which made me go for it, but what is going to happen when the roof starts leaking and I need a new roof?  I bought a huge array that is supposed to provide 85% of my power, yet I have a bill from the city every month, last month it was $159, just for electricity, plus the $311 for the panels, then another $210 for the other utilities and I am paying about $680 to run my house.  That is about as cheap as the utilities get per month.  I did have one month that was like $50 a year or two ago, but that does not happen when we use the ACs once it warms up.  In the summer, we still pay as much as $370 or more just for electricity apart from the panels and the other utilities.

    Anyways, I read that Texas is the leader in wind power.  We get a little over 15% of our energy from wind turbines which sounds great until we get a winter storm the likes of what we are experiencing right now.  I keep hearing of rolling blackouts here in the neighborhood which seemed to have started even before the real cold got here this weekend.  Neighbors on the other side of our community have mentioned on our Facebook community bulletin that they are without power which is scary enough.  A coworker also mentioned along with one of my supervisors that they had been without power which sounds like it is more than a blown transformer in the area.  Now my mom, brother and sister have lost power in their homes (although they all do live next door to each other all lost power awhile ago (writing this at 1030pm, Monday).

    It is one thing to trick me into paying for bullshit technology which doesn't yield me any financial gains.  It is entirely something else for our great state siting more natural gas and oil than any other state to get duped into converting to "green energy" that fails when it is needed the most.  We might be fine going a night or even a day, if we had to, without power, but there are elderly and sick people who shouldn't be stressed in situations where they could freeze to death in their own homes because we all have to take turns turning off our power so that these green energy sources can continue.  What is the point of living in a country with an abundance of everything only to sit like idiots freezing our asses off because our leaders bought into stupidity with no contingency plan in place.

    I know I sound dumb but I am going to get serious about installing a home generator or at least invest in one that I keep in my garage.  Home generators are installed outside in the yard and will run off of gas or propane to power a house during an emergency.  If the state is going to continue relying on "green energy", then we need to rely on ourselves during emergencies and have a back-up plan.  I feel stupid for not having thought bigger and investing in some other heat source in the event we loose our power.  A generator would do the trick, a heater that runs on gas or propane would also work, provided it is classified to burn indoors.  I don't want to be in this worrisome situation again.  We have been lucky so far, but I fear the worst right now with temperatures headed to single digits tonight.

2/15/21 Cold Don't Play?

     Even when you do everything right, the cold will still find a way to screw you.  I thought we got ready by going and getting plenty of food, filling our vehicles up with gas, I am not sure why that was important, wrapping our outdoor pipes and finally running some water to avoid frozen pipes in the morning.  Well, even with the water not just dripping but running as slow as I could set them as, I still had to battle with frozen pipes all morning until a while ago.

    I got the water running before we went upstairs last night in the kitchen and I thought that was that.  I told DD to run the water in the bathroom downstairs and I even checked it, water was running in the sink, both hot and cold water.  I then told Boy to get the water running in his bathroom upstairs.  He just turned it on and it sounded like someone was taking a shower all night, but at least I didn't have to worry about that one, he did both the tub and the sink.  I then had turned on the water in the bathtub in our bathroom and didn't worry much about the sink because it is not against an outside wall, it is on an internal wall.

    Well, I guess the kitchen faucet, which has one lever that mixes both hot and cold depending on whether it leans to the right or the left was leaning a little too much to the HOT, so when I wanted to get some cold water I instinctively pulled it to the other side and noticed that there was no flow.  I felt betrayed by all my efforts, I had even left the doors underneath open so that the space would be at the temperature of the kitchen.  I put our thermostats at 72, not to be a dick, but if we did have a power outage, we wouldn't be sitting in too cold of a temp to start.  According to Wife, the power outages we've been having have gotten as close as the other side of our community.

    Once I realized we had frozen pipes, I went and got a space heater and pointed it into the cabinet under the sink.  This was warming the area, but not necessarily the pipe, so I went and got Wife's hair dryer and pointed it at the pipe.  The cord was not long enough, the outlets by design are too far away.  I then thought of Boy's heat gun, which is like a hair dryer but gets a lot hotter.  I pointed this thing at the pipes for about 5minutes, then promptly burned my fingers when I touched the copper pipes to see if they had warmed up.  I then got frustrated and just left the heater on and about 5 minutes later the water started flowing.  I then did the same with the shower downstairs, where the water was also not flowing.  It took a couple hours with the space heater (in a metal pan to protect it if the water started flowing) and only about ten inches from the wall.  I took a nap and then awoke to a yell from DD that the water was now running in the tub.

    I am just going to say fudge it and run all the water sources all night long.  I would hate to have to tear open a wall or worse, break through tile to fix some busted pipes.  It is now 3:30pm and the yard is still covered in snow.  I can't imagine we are going to go to work until Wednesday or Thursday.  Wife just got out of a zoom session and she is not going to work until Thursday, the earliest.  Boy is talking about having to go tomorrow, but his ass is not going to leave with snow on the ground, I don't need to loose another car and his job is way up north.  Baby A doesn't even have classes, they were also cancelled even though he is doing remote learning.  As long as the power stays on, we are good in the hood.

2/14/21 Happy Valentine's Day?

     Happy Valentine's Day to everyone, if it is something you look forward to.  Normally, Wife leads this holiday and in the past she has made us, her boys, a fancy dinner so that we can all enjoy it together.  We have never been the kind of douchebag parents to ignore the kids because we have to go prove our love to each other off in some quiet corner by ourselves.  We express love to each other openly, and even include the boys by telling them regularly that we love them.  Wife is really the best because she shuns stupid displays of love, she has never put it to me that I should get her some expensive jewelry, or plan expensive trips for just the two of us, or anything silly like that.  She even considers flowers a waste of money because she sees that they die within a week, so what is the point?

    This year is a bit different because we are in the middle of not only the pandemic, but currently we are in the middle of an arctic cold front and it is the coldest it has been in a few years.  We are looking at lows on Monday below 10 degrees which I can't recall hitting but maybe once or twice since I have paid attention to the weather.  Because of this, I started planning the weekend on Thursday night.  I decided to go to the store and buy food to keep us fed through the weekend and a few more days.  We have been trying to get back on our low carb diet, but it has proven to be quite difficult, I just want to sit and munch when the weather is like this.  We talked about not getting sweets and no cakes or chocolates leading up to the weekend, but then Wife put it on me to "get myself a little something for Valentine's Day" when I went to the store for food.  Okay, I said.

    I looked at the cheesy big hearts in the Valentine's Day aisle and couldn't do it.  I know those things are barely half filled with chocolate and overpriced.  I decided instead to go get bags of regular chocolate bars of all varieties, like Snickers, Milky Way, Kit Kat, Baby Ruth, then I added Sour War Heads and chili mangoes, some Lindt chocolate balls, chocolate and white powdered donuts, a small Ferrero Rocher, and probably a couple other candies I forgot.  There was also the 7 pints of different ice cream varieties to sample.  I figured this way all of us in the house can enjoy as much junk food as we want, the boys have some of the stuff they like and this probably cost less than buying two big chocolate hearts.

    We have kind of been picking at the bag since Friday night, so some of the candies are already gone, but still, there is plenty left for the expected two more days we will be locked up in the house before the cold starts letting up.  For today's menu, I think we are going to try and grill the regular fajitas, chicken thighs, and sausage if the grill will work in this super cold weather.  I also have to rally and go outside to operate the grill.  Maybe I'll let Wife "Be the Man" and she can cook the food inside.

2/13/21 Why Do People Get All Uppity About A Family Making Babies?

     Like it or not, babies are a huge expense (my mom won't like it if I use the words pain in the ass) in today's climate.  I have two kids, honestly, both unplanned, but luckily, we have been able to care for them and give them everything they need and mostly want.  I have been listening to Dave Ramsey who does financial advice recently and a lot of couples are struggling financially yet talk about being pregnant and/or working on kid number four or more like it's part of their basic rights.

    Fuck all that nonsense.  Have as many kids as you can afford, specially if you are calling a financial advice show on the best way to handle your life with over $400k in debt, wife had cancer recently, but she is also pregnant with kid #4.  I understand he is living that life and can't stand far enough back to see the hilarity of his own actions basically digging his hole deeper as he speaks.  I forgive the chump, he is blind to his own stupidity.  My problem is in the comments section where people with common sense see that adding the fourth kid didn't happen overnight, he had to have impregnated her as she went into remission from her cancer, that just doesn't sound like the best time for a woman's body to be stressed by producing another kid.  Why do people feel a need to come to his defense when it comes to having more kids?  Kids are not that precious before they exist, they are just another spot in life that is going to cost x number of dollars.  Once they are born, okay, they are a human and we can form a bond with them and they start to matter.  Saying a couple has a right to have as many kids as they want can border on child abuse if the couple can't afford to feed them.

    At what point do we stop saying all kids are a blessing and start saying that kid is a menace to society?  Not all children are snowflakes that exist to make their parents life fuller, some kids are born into shitty circumstances and survive by sheer persistence only to hurt others or worse.  Do we still call criminals locked up from society God's little miracles or are we occasionally wrong on that one?  I hate the notion that all kids are special when it is just a matter of percentages that so many kids in any given population will turn out as assholes, no matter the amount of resources provided to said children.  

    I have always been pro abortion and I even like the idea of putting birth control in the water, we shouldn't be reproducing willy nilly.  Please, nobody needs to complain, most of you complaining drink water out of plastic bottles because this is 'Murica and you can afford it.  If you can't afford water from the store, well, that is a sign you can't afford kids either.  Hey, the alternative is we get a real version of Idiocracy with the dumb dums reproducing like crazy and the smart people wasting away while they decide the best time to have one kid.

2/12/21 Cold Long Weekend?

    I mentioned preparing for the cold yesterday, but even knowing about it and turning on the heaters upstairs and down, I am still feeling it sitting here in the kitchen.  I was just thinking I might be staying home on Monday when it is supposed to be real bad, but yesterday when I texted my supervisor about what the plans were, he said he was fixing to text me to just stay home.  I thought it was a bit premature to start "overreacting", but then I hadn't really paid attention to the outside world.

    Sweetie came home a little later and said it was really cold and dangerous, that a lady had spun her car on the road right in front of her as she was driving home.  DD came home and the first thing out of his mouth was that there had been a 26 car pile up in north Austin.  I had figured that the weather was predicting 34 for a high and gently sliding down to 30 overnight, so the roads would stay warm from all the traffic, but I guess that temperature fluctuated by where in the city you were.  Girlie, whose folks moved up to Taylor and she has been staying with them posted pictures on Snapchat and their cars were all covered in a sheet of ice which I was not expecting until the weekend.  Well, knowing how badly people drive and that my own boss was telling me to stay home, for safeties sake was all I needed.  I did run to HEB and stocked up with enough food for close to a week.  I am making some chili with cornbread this afternoon.

    I just checked on Boy, he left the house around 8:00am, it is 9:30am and he is still on the road, trying to get to work.  He works up north, he mentioned the freeways are closed, he is having to drive on the frontage roads.  I am so worried for him, specially with him just crashing another car last month.  DD thought he was staying home until at least Tuesday yesterday, but he just came out of his room and said he got a text to go in to work for a few hours.  Well, he didn't even get to heat up his truck, he came back in that they did cancel work.  It does look dry outside, so I hope it stays that way until Boy gets home.

    It's weird when I stay home and Wife isn't here.  I made some dinner for Baby A and me, he then went up to his room with the door closed doing homework, Boy in his room with Sweetie with the door closed and DD with his gf with the door closed.  I stayed on the computer in the kitchen until I got bored, then watched Youtube videos on the TV in the bed downstairs that I set up for my parents.  I was in and out of napping until 3:00am, then I went upstairs.  Today I am just taking it easy.  Baby A had his classes cancelled so I am sure he is still asleep, so I will make lunch for us then just hang out and wait for Wife to show up, making the chili in the slow cooker in the afternoon.  

2/11/21 Cold Is Coming?

     I guess this is the closest we get to feel like Florida does when a hurricane is approaching.  We are currently getting ready for some super cold weather coming down to Texas.  It is weird in that I believe it has been a good 3-4 years where we have a few cool weekends and then winter seems to go away.  This year, we have had a few cold weekends, but this one is going to be a doozy.  According to the weather app on my phone, it looks like we are going to see the teens at night on the weekend, but Monday it is showing a high of 27 and a low of 11.  Add in the 40-60% chance of showers and snow and I am pretty sure I am staying home Monday night.

    I have been slowly preparing by making sure the outside is fortified.  I double checked the water faucets were still wrapped, and then I verified that the pool pumps were all empty of water.  Knowing it is supposed to get colder and running down to a quarter tank of gas, I stopped on my way home and filled up the gas tank.  Last thing I want to do is to be filling up when it is raining and freezing.  I don't imagine we will even leave the house, but emergencies do happen.  This weekend is Valentine's Day and Boy had talked about going to Dallas, but we talked to him to drop his plans, it will be even colder and worse the farther up north one travels.  I don't like to "tell" him what to do, he is now an adult, but he did just crash our back-up car on Christmas Eve, if he were to get in an accident up in Dallas, what would be our options, and to be up there just for fun is not something I can be cool with.

    Wife had been here for her recertification of her CDL, yes the woman can do it all, even drive a school bus.  Of course, the way things work, she left tonight as the weather is starting to get bad.  Her plan a couple days ago was to attend her last class tonight and then come sleep here, but fearing that the weather would be ugly for the morning, she chose to drive to Crystal after her class figuring the cold hasn't frozen things yet.

    I wanted to get enough food for two weeks last weekend, but that seems about impossible as we seem to eat everything we buy quickly.  I will probably run down to HEB Friday early and stock up for the weekend and into Monday and maybe Tuesday.  It is kind of exciting and a little scary, I like when the weather forces us to stay indoors, that is fine, but if we loose electricity things will turn to shit in a hurry.  Our old house used to at least have a gas stove, this house only has electric power, so it has to stay on.

2/10/2021 Finally Refinanced Our House?

     Well, it took a good two months, but we finally got our house refinanced.  I don't understand why the process has to be such a long harrowing pain in the ass.  I wasn't even thinking of refinancing but I looked up something and realized interest rates had kept dropping since the year before when we had tried to refinance but didn't accomplish it.  The biggest reason I wanted to get this done is because about five years ago we had refinanced but the loan stayed at thirty years, so if we didn't do anything different, we would have been paying the mortgage into my mid 70's, if I am still around.  By redoing the loan to a fifteen year note, we should be done before my 65th birthday, so I should still be working, if Covid or my fatness doesn't do me in.

    I don't know how things work to refinance, basically we went with the same company who had our loan, Loan Depot.  Last year we got to a stalemate because they insisted we attach the solar panels to the loan of the house and I didn't want to because instead of being done in less than ten more years, we would be paying the amount for fifteen, and who knows if those things would still be good by then.  Yeah, the solar panels have been a complete waste of money, I do not recommend them to anybody.  This time around I said "fuck it", let's just do it, see what happens.  The discussion of solar panels never even came up, and here I am after signing everything wondering how the slid by.

    We did pull some cash and we are using it to pretty much pay all of our outstanding credit card debt that has slowly accumulated in the last 4 years.  Yes, we went through a credit debt reduction, but if you need stuff and you don't have cash, then out come the credit cards.  I really want to be different now, as one can see by the fact that I am still driving my Excursion and not something shiny and new.  I have budgeted our stuff and we should have more money coming in now, so we are trying to be more responsible and not get over our heads buying stuff we don't need.

    The signing itself was a little weird in Covid times.  We didn't even get out of the car.  The notary came out with two stacks of paperwork on clipboards and Wife and I spent about an hour racing through and signing everything that was highlighted in yellow.  It was a real pain in the ass doing it in our laps, but it gone done.  This was the same place we had done this last time, so it was kind of weird about that.  Wife was like we could have just done this online, the notary didn't even stay with us, it was a little cold, so she went inside and came out after we were done to get everything.  Anyways, the worst part is over.  We will now have a 2.75% interest rate instead of 5.25% that we were paying at, so that sounds really good.

2/9/21 Being The Heel In A Shitty Conversation About Equality?

     While driving around Sunday, Wife got on a tangent, bitching about the facilities sprawling up at Bowie High School.  They are building a three story parking garage facility with swimming pool and tennis courts for the kids.  She is disgusted by the way AISD splits the money seeing this monstrosity going up while our Crockett boys don't even have lights to practice football as it gets dark on their shitty excuse for a football field.

    I don't necessarily feel the same way, if I wanted my kid to have gone to a school with all those niceties, I feel it would have been on us to have moved farther west and implanted ourselves in that school district.  I don't think it is the government's job to provide for my son, if we want more for him, we should also do what we can.  She sees these things as being different arguments.  She works with the unfortunate and so, it bothers her that the poor always get the shaft.  I see and agree to her point, but I also see the other side.  My example to her was let's suppose there are ten families over on the west side paying $50,000 in property taxes, which adds up to $500,000.  On the east side, there are ten poor families paying a combined $50,000 in property taxes because most live in apartments and/or other situations.  Either way, to take the $500,000 plus the $50,000 add them then divide by two and give both school an equal amount of money does not seem fair from the eyes of those paying the higher taxes.  Wife still says in order to be equal, that is what should happen.  I know kids should all get an equal shot, but that really does not seem fair to the ones coughing up the money to make it happen.

    When bringing up the discussion at home, DD's girlfriend, who also works with the unfortunate, and grew up kind of like us it seems, says that kids of affluent homes also have the advantage of having "two pots", if the school falls short, the parents are always willing to provide what is needed.  I agree with all this, but I still can't wrap my conscious around having someone else providing for my son, if so, then why am I here?  This sounds awfully socialist to me.

    I guess because we (Wife and I) came from a technically very poor part of Texas, so we couldn't have had great schools, yet my brother and I both got into UT and got degrees and Wife has her Master's from Texas State yet we didn't have all the advantages of kids going to Bowie or whatever high end schools of the time.  I don't feel shiny computers and swimming pools make for a better education.  Sure, it's super nice and freaking cool, but who gets degrees in swimming?

2/8/21 Violence Has Crept Into My House!?!?

     I was left shell shocked, it was the first time I have ever been struck by another human and No Sir, I Did Not Like It.  My arm was left bruised and I lost all sensation for what seemed like hours.  Still today, I can see the purple fingerprints of her swatting hand imprinted on my soft human skin.  I now know the feeling of betrayal, how the bullied feel when the bully shows up, even a touch of PTSD, I might need counseling.

    Turns out Wife has a short fuse and she ain't playing around.  I was working diligently on our bills making sure I didn't forget anything.  She, in her own world and obsessed with what is important to her demanded my attention.  I was working with bead sweat on my forehead, with my little green bankers visor I wear when doing bills and because I wasn't fast enough to give her my full attention, the wrath of God himself came falling down on me.  For a second, I didn't know if I was catatonic in a nightmare or if I had finally cashed in all my chips and died sitting there on the chair.  It happened so fast and so unexpectedly, I never had a chance to respond.  I have never been a violent man, never lifted a finger against my Wife, but there she was in full alpha display, putting me in my place and teaching me what fear is all about.

    I looked at her with tears in my eyes and asked a whimpering "why?  Oh why would you do that?"  I am but a little boy doing the best I can with the few faculties our fine Lord has allowed me.  Have I failed you my steward, have I displeased you in some way?  With Hell in her eyes, she did not back down, this is a tidal change and I now fear even breathing too deeply around her, for she might strike again.  Once a beast has been released, can it be brought back under control?

    Truth is, I was being a dick, as you all had already guessed because Wife is good people.  I was trying to get some paperwork in order because we are trying to refinance our house and she was wanting me to double check that she was asking Boy (he has a bad habit of using my credit card on Amazon to order stuff, so I wanted her to ask him for the money via Paypal) for the right amount.  In normal fashion, I responded in a huff because me saying $158 2-3 times should be enough, why do I have to then look at her phone?  I think I finally got under her skin and she swatted me like I had a mosquito on my arm, I laughed inside but of course I acted like she had just stabbed me and I have been acting hurt now for a day and a half.  I guess that's how I learn, sometimes a "chingaso" fixes all.

2/7/21 Trying To Look At Model Homes?

     Yesterday, Wife and I went for a drive because the day was nice.  My plan was to head up north, maybe go to Bass Pro Shops or Ikea just to walk around.  As soon as we got on I-35, we were caught in gridlock, it took about five minutes to move a block so of course, I got all pissed and turned back.  We were then stuck in South Austin, so I thought maybe to head towards the Bee Caves/lake area.  While headed that way, I started seeing signs for home communities and I do like looking at model homes, so I followed them towards Dripping Springs.  We took a turn at Nutty Brown Road and then we were on the road that takes you to Salt Lick.  Before we got there, we got to where the signs for Village Builders were pointing, Parten.  This is another one of those beautiful master planned communities with large lots and houses starting in the $600,000.

    The only problem is that we are living in a pandemic and things just aren't the same.  Used to be, we could just drive up and walk through model homes with or without talking to the realtors.  Yesterday, the houses all had signs that we were supposed to call to schedule an appointment to walk through.  This just sounded like a pain in the ass.  While I was standing there typing in the phone number and making a text asking for permission Wife jiggled the front door and saw that it was open (the office is usually the garage with an office door).  We walked in, I was half expecting some uppity whit lady to come and tell us to Scoot! and get out of there, but nobody came.  Wife saw a bathroom with half a toilet roll hanging and proceeded to use it.  They usually don't allow the model homes to be used that way, but I just kept walking and looking.  The house was stunning, DD then at night was saying they installed all the doors, including the triple sliding doors that open the back patio to the inside.  The bedrooms were not especially big or anything, but the living space was very nice with ceilings maybe 10-11ft high.  We are also in "winter" but the grass was strikingly green, like a golf course, I was even thinking it might be artificial.  The house prices for two that are ready to sell and built are in the $800k range, so it isn't cheap to live there.

    We were not able to get into the other two model homes, but it is definitely a community that I would love to live at if it wasn't so far from the city and it wasn't so expensive.  There is no way for bums and that element to hang out over there, it is too far out in the middle of nowhere, I do love that but I also like being efficient and close to work.

2/6/21 Should We Vacation During Spring Break?

     Baby A is really a different animal.  Wife was trying to get all hyped up last night on the way back from visiting my folks.  It is a three hour drive and she was trying to get our son excited about doing something for the upcoming Spring Break in March, next month.  Wife just got her Covid-19 shot, I had Covid, so there isn't a big fear for us in getting it, we figure we can get Mijo vaccinated this month.  Wife suggested since we bought those kayaks that we could try to go fishing, maybe even buy a big tent or maybe even two tents and we can go camping and our son can bring some friends and they can sleep in the second tent.  Mijo was like "wait wait wait, why do we have to stay in a tent, that doesn't sound like fun, I mean it might be hot or cold, I need electricity and internet..."  Knowing he wasn't into it, I had to add "come on, so you can experience what it's like for all the bums living in tents, maybe we can set up somewhere under Ben White Blvd."  My son's face was having none of that.

    He then brought up "why would I want to leave my house with all my stuff, like my bed, my room with my video games, a bathroom to poop, my shower..."  This boy does not want to be inconvenienced at all.  I think he is infectious because I then spent a bit looking at hotels to stay at and couldn't help but think "why do I want to pay $200 a night to sleep away from home, piss away $1000 on hotels when we could stay at home and spend half of that money on some really good steaks and just cook them at home.  We could go to the area lakes during the day and be home by night.  We could even run to the SA Zoo or stuff like that and be home by night."  I loved having an RV and parking that in Corpus Christi a few years ago when we were living that life, but now that we don't even own a truck, I can't imagine that life anymore.

    Part of this is of course Covid-19 has us all living and thinking differently, it used to be I loved being out of the house, now we just accept it as our fortress of solitude and safety.  It used to be we were at the mall weekly, and the idea of discovering a new mall was always a new and fun thing to do, now I think we've been to the mall twice in the past year and I believe I have broken my love for being out amongst all the people and stuff we don't really need.  I don't know how we are going to get the economy going again and getting regular Americans to spend like we used to after Covid-19 goes away, if it ever does.  I kind of see the mall as a little frivolous and wasteful.  

    I don't know, maybe in the coming weeks Wife manages to get us excited and we end up renting a hotel just because.  Mijo did say he enjoyed the last time we went to Houston, when Wife had a conference and he and I slept in and we were just lazy in the room.  He was suggesting we go back to that hotel and stay like we did, so we could see Houston a bit and get out of the house, but not loose any of the comforts that he needs, like indoor plumbing, snacks and a pool.

2/5/21 Visiting My Folks On A Friday?

     Yesterday got away from me, I never got a chance to sit and write anything because the day was just too fast.  Normally, if I know we are going to travel, I might write a couple of extra blogs ahead of time so I can relax while away from home.  Being that I worked Thursday night and then Wife was here for a training, I got home from work and was instantly pulled into her world, you know women, "sit with me and love me..." I joke, I love the times we share but it takes me away from my routines.

    We had discussed that because she was here for trainings (she was renewing her CDL license) but had to go to the office on Friday, Mijo and I should go with her to visit my folks.  I double checked with my mom to see if it would be okay since I had Covid a few weeks ago and my peeps have been overly reactive to fears of getting it, it makes sense, but it also makes it hard to visit.  Mom said "sure, come on down", so after getting out of work Thursday night at 10:30pm, eating a quick snack, going to bed by midnight, waking up at 4:30am, driving down and getting to my folks at 8:30am, it all became a blur.  I sat with my folks, the morning was spent pretty much discussing (some would say arguing) politics and the stupidity going on with our new overlords.  My dad is still a CNN fanboy so everything we say is wrong.

    At one point I asked him very simply "do you think abortions are cool (I am fine with them and think more people should partake, personally, but I know it disgusts my dad)?"  Of course he said no.  "Do you think black people should get more rights than anyone else (I know that this started over police behavior but politicians have now even declared young black people should get the Covid shot before older white people, Come on, Man)?  Again my dad sheepishly said no.  "How about paying more taxes, you want your check or my check to get smaller, so we contribute more from our wallets?" To this one he actually said, "well if we have to we have to."  I guess you can't argue with that kind of logic.  How about all your fellow blue collar workers losing jobs when Biden closed down the pipeline and stopped new fracking on federal lands, putting out 50k-60k people out of jobs.  "No, well that sounds tough."  I told him you're not even a democrat, you just listen too much to CNN.  That is kind of where we are at

    The rest of the afternoon was flavored by that.  It was still cool to sit and spend time with my folks.  My mom has been slowed down by pain to her hip, but it's not like she really sits and rests it as she spent about 50% of her time moving back and forth doing this and that.  My nephews are all there, as my mom is running a home school of sorts, with all the grandkids there on their computers doing their schooling, they broke for lunch around noon, my mom had gone and gotten chicken from the Golden Chick for lunch.  I did end up taking a nap around 2:30 for an hour, then Wife said her coworker would drop her off so we could hang out longer.  We didn't leave until 6:00pm, but it was fine.  We stopped to eat dinner at a restaurant on the way home and probably got home close to 11:00pm.  It was a good day, but I never had a moment alone with my thoughts, so this is written a day late.

2/4/21 Are We All Just Children?

     Used to be, I thought adults were impressive, that they knew everything and kept things under control.  I looked up to my parents, they knew what was best for me, the news gave you unbiased facts, you went to church and school and there were more adults to guide you along your path of growth.  It all seemed to make sense, until the modern era came to be with all the 24 hour coverage and/or you grow up and realize everyone is an idiot.

    Wife brought up her superintendent talking about the school board meeting in my hometown saying it had gotten a little heated, since it was on Youtube I went and saw what the hoopla was about.  These are adults who go out and beg the city to trust them with the choices that are best suited for their children and still, they act like idiots.  There were lawyers discussing matters, I don't even want to get into the specifics, but even they were talking over one another trying to sound more intelligent than the other.  The board was supposed to simply evaluate their superintendent and that lead to them yelling at each other and one suggested that I guess there was so much incompetence that they should just be absorbed by another school district, which is a stupid and cowardly way to solve your own issues.

    A day doesn't go in the news that another teacher is found having a relationship with a student, or a priestly man of the church is fondling kids.  If it isn't that, it's men business suits finding new ways to steal money, looking at you hedge fund idiots who cry foul when they are burned at their own game.  Everywhere we turn to, it seems to be the same.

    Nowadays, we see almost continuous coverage of our esteemed politicians and man do most of them disappoint.  They are all mostly turds in expensive suits playing at what I assume they believe adults would do in their positions.  If they aren't caught with mistresses on the side, they are caught taking bribes, faking stories of hardship for attention, or lying about accomplishments.  The minute you think one of them is doing something good, that might actually be on your side, another one will go out of their way to show you how badly your hero really is.  It is way past disgusting but I don't see this stopping, it just seems like it will get worse and worse.

    Is it the internet and our need for constant content?  Do we search for the lowest common denominator in humanity or is that what we are given to see?  Was it always like this, we just never got to see behind the great curtain in the old days?  I look back for a notable exception and I don't know why, but my great grandparents on my mom's side come to mind.  He was a stoic man who ran a little store in a tiny town and my great grandmother was always near him I assume working alongside him is all I remember.  In their old age, they moved in with one of their kids on a farm near San Antonio and my great grandfather would hang out on that farm staying busy outside with the animals.  He seemed like a perfect old man who loved his wife and once she passed away, he passed a few months after.  Were they the last perfect couple who lived for each other and were just decent good people or if he had had Snapchat and Youtube would I have seen my great grandfather stepping on chickens for fun or other horrible modern day activities?

2/3/21 Wife Keeps Saying I am Overthinking it, But Things Have Changed?

     I can't help but think that in ten years, if we can get out of this "stupidity funk" we are in, some people will be ashamed at what they allowed to become normal.  Wife occasionally worries about me leaning over to conspiracy world, and I am aware of what I am doing, but I ask her "What is the option when regular news sources only report one side of things?"  I saw a story on ABC news with Senator Paul Rand trying to discuss election fraud with George Stephanopoulos and the news guy, being that his job is to always look for the story looks at the senator with a straight face and says "no, there are not two sides to this story."  How come when the word was that Trump had "colluded" with Russia, we spent three years investigating, but now we just want to move forward, nothing to see here?  As I understood, the media was some sort of fourth level of government in that their investigating and research kept the people in power in check.  Honestly, I saw Fox giving preferential treatment to Bush and I absolutely hated that, but now the other news sources have turned to doing the same for the left, so who is doing unbiased reporting anymore?  Who do I listen to, Wife?  Should I just blindly put the TV on Fox because they say what I now want to hear, for the most part?  This is why I have taken to hunt for my own information, which leaves me looking like I have become a conspiracist.

    If that wasn't bad enough, social media outlets have taken to controlling what gets out for us to hear?  This is very bad, if we are to believe we are still living in a free country.  If it was just Trump, the argument could be made that he needed to be put on a leash, he can move this country and did.  It is a shame what they have done, but I think he will still come out on top, somehow.  The really bad part is now that the Twitters and Facebooks have tasted the power of censorship in their favor, they are going to continue.

    I was listening to Adam and Dr. Drew, they used to be together on Loveline back in the early 90's dispensing advise to the youth of America.  Dr. Drew is a real doctor, he is also a bit of a celebrity, but he has always sounded honest and a man of science.  He was the straight man to Adam's funny and the show worked.  My point is that he is a real doctor, recently got infected with Covid-19, treated himself with Ivermectin, which I had seen many studies on Youtube that all say it is a lifesaver, yet he has been given a warning to stop spreading misleading information on the internet, from Youtube.  Do you think it is a doctor making this call or is it a dufus sitting in a cubicle not liking what he sees?

    We need to get back to a world with some adults in charge, and I don't mean what the left is talking about, you can't lead the country with feelings, we need people who make decisions from facts and knowledge.  To shut down a doctor because you disagree with him, meanwhile he could be saving lives, maybe Youtube should be charged with some of those murders they want to put on Trump for not reacting sooner or quicker.  I think preventing reaction on purpose, is worse.

2/2/21 Biden Is A Potato?

     It blows my mind how off center we have gotten, I can't imagine even the leftiest of feminists can think this new executive order from Biden allowing trans men to compete in the arena of women's sports is a worthy cause to celebrate.  People on the right keep dissecting this and coming to the conclusion that this will or has already ruined women's sports.  First off, I don't have a daughter and my niece is not really interested in sports like that, so I don't have a horse in this race, it is perfectly fine by me if trans men take a foothold of women's sports and turn it into a farce.  As has been discussed, a totally accomplished runner, Allyson Felix, who has won more Olympic medals than Usain Bolt holds a time in the 400 meter run that in 2018 could be bested by 300 high school boys.  This doesn't even include the college population and post school, as Olympiads can compete into their 30's and even 40's, in some categories.

    Personally, I don't think it is fair to compare men to women, we are not the same and I am not trying to demean women in any way, this is just a fact.  Men are built with different hips, have more muscle mass, testosterone runs through our blood making us more prone to take risks and do the impossible in moments of heroism.  It is not a two way street, if a woman wants to compete with men, that is fine by me all day long.  The little kicker that made news a couple months ago with Vanderbilt was seen as a hero for getting on the field with a D1 football team, but as a kicker of field goals, she wasn't really called into playing football, she was just doing soccer in place.  Let's see the girlie get involved in a tackle and see if she can walk away unscathed.  I see my son play and I can play around and block him here at home for a second or two, but I wouldn't want to take him on in pads coming at me with a head of steam, all 250 pounds of vim and vigor.  If little Miss kicker thinks she's a football player, go ahead line up and be a team player, see how long before they cart you off the field.

    It is totally different when it's a man playing in a women's sport.  He will not be oversized, and I know there are some women playing basketball that are super tall, some can even dunk a ball, but that doesn't mean they could hang with a man of the same or similar physique, the trans man will win because he has innate qualities like a bigger heart, more red blood cells, thicker muscles, faster recovery times, that just make competing against each other unfair.  

    If the left has decided that this is the way though, let it be.  Who will be crying to the government to "fix" this in ten years when all or most women's records are held by trans men in track and field?  This has already started, so yes, it will happen, I am not just doing some wishful thinking.  I don't want to see women get humiliated on the field, but I think it will help in shutting up the feminists that keep insisting "anything you can do, we can do better."  I imagine those feminists are holding quiet right now because they have gotten what they wanted, equality for all.  I will agree we are there when women have to sign up for the draft at 18, you know, like men have to.  I don't think anyone on the left is going to fight for this equality though.