11/30/14 How Much Are We Supposed To Care?

We have been fortunate to have some extra income which has allowed us to be generous and helpful to many of my older son's friends.  We had one move basically move in during first grade.  He was with us all the time, his parents going through a divorce.  We loved the boy, but in ninth grade, his mom decided Catholic school would be better for him, and then we moved across town, slowly he has disappeared, which I understand.  He does converse with us from time to time on FB, but we are no longer close.
  Then there was his other friend, who also had parents divorcing somewhere in third or fourth grade.  This was a wilder child, and he would try to be a smart ass to me behind my back, but I believe with my guidance this boy at least turned out civil.  He hung with us until graduation day from high school.  It was weird, he said thanks for everything and mostly stopped visiting us.  We've talked to him here and there but he hasn't come over in about three years, who knows.
  In high school, my son befriended our biggest challenge.  One of his friends was "kicked out" of his house and this kid moved in with us.  It started with sleeping over two and three nights in a row, then I'd say go home.  He'd leave for a couple days but come back.  Eventually, my son explained what was happening at his house and I said Ok, he can stay, but I don't want bullshit, he is going to fall in line and go to school and help out.  Kid seemed appreciative in beginning, but it wasn't a month before he started having psychotic episodes.  My wife having access to support centers took him to get evaluated and he was put on a couple meds.  The rest of the school year was rougher than it had to be, but I felt bad about kicking him out, so he stayed until the end of the school year when he directly challenged me.  I had given him some money to take his girlfriend out to the movies and then a couple days later told him, hey cut the grass, he said "no, I don't like the way you talk to me".  I swear I treated him the same I do my own boys.  This was the end, he moved out and peace was restored to our household.
  Now in college, those issues seem to have stopped, there was a last hanger on, one of our old neighbor's nieces also was close to us spending most summer days with us it seemed, even going once with us to our hometown when she was in fourth or fifth grade.  We loved this girl as our own for a time, upon graduation from high school, she declared she wanted to succeed and I felt she told me directly to help keep her in line.  I have tried, explaining to her that college demands sacrifice, when friends seem to be partying, you must have the strength of character to do the responsible thing.  This worked for a while, but being ditzy and hot, it was going to be hard to stay focused on books.  I almost feel like I let her down, but in reality, it was her refusal to stay on task.  Guidance can only take you so far, one must have their own internal fire to push you and help you succeed.
  So here I sit now, these kids are pretty much done with us, I tried to at least provide an additional layer of protection and support, maybe it helped, may it was a waste of my money, who knows.  My boys are good either way, my older one is in his third year at a university, studying physics and chemistry, while my younger one doesn't seem to attract the "needy ones" so we aren't raising other people's kids currently.  I will say that I loved these kids while they were with us and it does hurt a bit to let them go, but they can always come back, I tell all of them, my door is always open.

11/29/14 Who's A Winner?

In war, the winner determines the victor.  How do we determine victory in a relationship?  Being type A and everything in life I personally consider a challenge, sometimes I find that winning the argument leaves me in isolation.  My wife is a perfect match for me, if she has reins on me, she has given me enough reach to go around the block.  We are very much ying and yang, when she comes down on my boys, I usually challenge the point to elevate my kids position and when I get upset at those little shits when they cross my limits, she is quick to defend them.  In the end, my boys are growing up spoiled, but knowing that whatever they have is because of us.  They don't need a big head thinking they're special to the world, they are special because we make them so.

So when does the war (disagreement) come in?  Rarely, but mostly when I feel I must do something that my conscious has decided needs to be done.  When we had our second child, I felt as if I was suffocating in our first house.  It was small, 1100 sq ft, but it had 3 BR, and 2 baths.  I felt trapped in that living room, didn't have a corner in the house I could call my own.  We argued for 3-4 years before we moved into a bigger house, my wife maintaining that our house was good enough, I insisting that we needed room to grow.  Along with a bigger house, came a bigger house payment.  We can afford our house (7+ years), but it has been a bit of a strain.  So, I won, but now our mortgage is 3x what it was, love my house, but we don't get to do as much as we'd like.  I guess I'll lay in my bed and shut it.

Winning happens easily for me, whether in arguing a point to death where my wife no longer cares, or buying what I need to buy or my life will go into a tailspin "I need that electric mower Woman, I care about the environment", that piece of crap cost $300 and I used it for 1 month.  Gas mowers are just stronger, have more torque.  Just quietly gave that mower to my father in law, just to get it out of our garage. 

I guess if there's a lesson in this, maybe you get to be the victor in your life, if you are willing to pay for the stuff, and take all the consequences from your own actions.  My wife and boys call me their hero, but maybe that's a cool word for "tool", who spoils them if not me?  Either way, I do it, mostly because my conscious tells me I suck if I can't get my little one a Friday toy or provide a gas card for my college boy, along with paying for his Jeep.  As long as they do as I say, nay command!!! (I kid), then I see them as an extension of me, so I am really spoiling myself and that makes me the winner in life.

11/28/14 Black Friday is Upon Us

So, I wake to my morning routine of peeing and farting (thanks pumpkin pie, you were delicious).  My wife comes into the bathroom on cue to say good morning, what are we doing today and all that good stuff humans have to say to each other when in a relationship.  I still can't open my eyes and focus, but here we are, discussing crap thanks to one Niecy Nash who proclaims that she will not be participating on Black Friday on her IG.  (Of course I think she deserves the slow clap we see on all cheesy movies.  You're successful, you don't have to get in line with the masses for a $5 savings on a laptop).  Good for you. 
We also avoid shopping on Black Friday because all the crazies come out of hiding.  I hate when "my mall" is infested with so many people we have to park a mile away.  We also avoid shopping on "no tax weekend" before school starts and any other big holiday savings bonanza that is going to make the mall feel more than 50% full.  Growing up, I assumed malls were always full, we would only come to the big city to go clothes shopping during these times.  In reality, malls are mostly empty 80-90% of the time and they can be quite relaxing.  I do love going to the mall and just walking around.

Well, sat and paid our bills for next two weeks, hate that the fucking banks get to transfer us from one to another.  Instead of just going down the line, I have to check every bill, make sure it is still owned by same bank as last month.  Have had at least three change to one particular bank I had never heard about, I don't like it.  I thought Bank of America was gonna own everything, at least all the bills would go to one location, looking for silver lining here.

I don't know what exactly I'm doing here, but I feel as if my mind needs a challenge, I do the same thing day in and day out.  I'm hoping some creative writing might make me feel more involved.  I'll just write about what bothered me each day, there's always something. 

And nothing against Niecy Nash, Wife and I are fans from Reno 911 days, I just don't care to hear political statements where I go to look at cleavage shots and what people are eating.