I was talking with Sweetie a couple days ago about Boy and she revealed to me that I am way too aggressive in the way I talk to him, which might be a reason he holds back. I was dumbfounded by this, because it is probably true that I am aggressive and I want to get straight to the point, I am also willing to do what ever for my two boys, pretty much I exist to try and give them everything. I don't feel I am that bad now, but I guess I have to live down my past, which even my mom says I was very overbearing, specially on Boy.
It is funny that she says that, because she tells me she learned to parent with me because I was her older son. I had the tighter curfews, I got away with less, I felt I always had to be a team player and help around the house. My siblings? None of them grew up very helpful around the house, so I think it is normal to try harder on the first born, maybe be stricter until you realize you can let them have more leeway.
Up until a couple days ago, I had not figured there was a problem between Boy and us, I just thought he was a little weird and distant, but I guess the GF let me know I have been hard to approach at times. She did say I have been changing a lot this past year, she says I am not so much a pain in the ass so much as compared to a few years ago.
I cannot change the past, I know and Boy should too, that everything I do is basically because I am always in a rush to get to work, or I am tired from working too much. I don't have an ounce of hate in my body for hardly anyone, specially the two of them. As much as we consider ourselves experts of our own children, sometimes it takes an outsider to help you see a little differently. My mom was just telling me that having Wife their has helped her to understand me better, and maybe in the same way, Sweetie can be that portal to seeing into Boy and finally understanding what makes him tick.
I asked Javalina if he thought I was overly aggressive with him or if I was hard to talk to and in true Javalina spirit, he said "No, dad, but we are different. I am a football player, I have coaches yelling at us all the time, my friends communicate by hitting. Brother has been raised like my niece always getting told you're beautiful, you're special." Maybe he was being a little sarcastic, but he also gets to experience me after going through the growth I had learning from Boy which means I am a gentler and nicer dad. I am just glad we still have time before Boy moves out to his own place, Sweetie may just turn out to be even more perfect for the role which she is doing than we realized, if she can bring us closer to Boy.
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