1/31/15 Take Your Top Off?

    I love a convertible car.  We have now owned two.  The first one was a PT Cruiser, red and cool and cute.  Boy hated every minute of riding in the back seat with Chubs still having to ride in a car seat.  We only had the car for a year and a half.  Of course we had a hard time trading it in because in that short time Wife put +43,000 miles.  We eventually went and traded it for a much cooler, slightly gangster Chrysler 300C.  Beautiful big heavy car with tons of horsepower.  Too bad it was a Chrysler.
    Anyways, about a year ago, I was able to get my hands on my mothers VW Beetle, which was a convertible.  She was fixing to trade it in, my dad did not like riding around in it, declaring it was too low and rough a ride for him.  He was used to tractor trailers, so maybe he had a valid point.  I knew going into it there were going to be some problems to fix.  The car was nine years old, and it had not been driven much.  It actually needed a new battery to get it going.  After a few visits to a few repair shops, car has been solid.  Wife took it to Kansas City a couple months ago, and many times to Corpus Christi last summer it ran in the 85-90 range.  Little car can scoot along.
    With the top up, it is a little clumsy, wind chirps in, it is not as secure or solid as a hardtop, but that is not the point.  When you open the top on a perfect afternoon, there is no better thrill on the road.  Maybe a motorcycle, but I would be afraid of dying the whole time, and how are you going to include the family, have Chubs ride on the handlebars?  A convertible is the perfect car for cruising.  Nothing better than driving through Dairy Queen or Sonic, getting a drink and cruising, specially when we'd do it down on the coast, by the shore, looking out at the boats and the water in that muggy but cool evening weather.
    In the front, it's all good, riding in the back, the boys would complain that the wind would hit their face, too bad, was my thought, cruising with them was never longer than an hour.  Wife and I will leave the boys behind, sometimes, so we can cruise without having to hear their whining, now we know why parents go out without their kids, it's quiet...
    Growing up, I think I got the urge of a convertible because my dad had a friend who owned a gas station and in the gas station they always had a green Midget convertible car.  I remember I always wanted to drive that car, as a kid, it was perfectly sized for me, I thought.  I see The BMW Z3/Z4 2-seater cars and they remind me a lot of those cars.  I always tell my wife I'm gonna get one of those when the kids are out of the house, she just says "your big butt would never even fit in one of those".  It hurts, but while looking at cars for my boy, I stood next to one with the door open and could not do the math where my body would fit in that small a space that close to the ground.
    Maybe the sporty 2-seaters have passed me by, or maybe that just means I'll have to look into a convertible Corvette or even a convertible Jaguar, full sized cars for the full sized man.  We'll see, first I gots to get my two hatchlings employed and out of the house.  Who's hiring fourth graders?

1/30/15 I'm A Kill You?

    My first job out of college was at a warehouse, I've mentioned this, but not given much detail.  It was actually a great time, other than I was not doing what I had set in my mind to do, which was figure out a way to make a six figure salary.  That was my only concern in high school. 
    On my first day, the manager told me she was going to put me in charge of the warehouse, learn as much as you can from the current warehouseman.  He apparently had dropped a forklift out one of the big warehouse doors, luckily he didn't hurt anyone, but I guess he had to go.  Being warehouseman was fine.  I kept the floor clean of pallets, learned to drive forklifts quickly, then gradually I was even given charge of supervising the day laborers we would bring in when we got more work than the normal crew could handle.  The normal crew was about ten people, but there were about 3-4 teams of two that would deliver goods to local businesses in those big trucks you see all over town.  We had a large contract with IBM at the time, and they were constantly bringing in truckloads of monitors, old cables in pallets, old mainframe computers.  All this kind of stuff we would store for a week to a couple months then they would come take to dispose of or take to next holding area.
    Most of the day laborers were glad to come in and work.  They'd do the simplest task, clean, sweep, maybe use that clear plastic to stack old monitors on a pallet to keep them together.  Most just needed to be given direction, so I did.  I was never trying to be pushy, but I couldn't have guys just hanging out all day either.  One day, a new older black guy came in with the crew of laborers.  I don't think he was all there, mentally.  I would go in earlier than everybody and by the time people walked in and had coffee, I would already have been moving stuff for an hour or two.  I told the guy in particular, while slowing down from forklift, grab a broom and give the front of the warehouse a sweep or something as generic as that.  The guy acted like I insulted his mother.  Told me "hey Guy, Fuck you, I'm gonna kill you and your fucking family."  This was like 8am, I drove off thinking what the hell do I do now?  I certainly don't want this clown here hiding in the racks, maybe he jumps me.  I stayed on the forklift for awhile, then gladly saw him jump off one of the warehouse doors and walk off into the fields.  Never came back, but that sucked.
    Told my manager about it, he just kinda chuckled, "yeah, sometimes they're not all there.  Come on, you're a big guy, you could take him."  Took awhile but I walked it off.  That place really helped me grow up. 
    I once pulled a 23 hour shift there.  Apart from the warehouse, we were also a moving company, and it happened regularly, on any given weekend after finishing the regular workweek, we would be invited to go to an office and move the furniture.  This was kind of fun, usually it was a race with dollies and pallet jacks.  Move move move was the game, nobody stopped until work was done.  There is no way I would do that job now. 
    Then there was the Friday night express.  We were part of a chain of warehouses throughout Texas.  A truck would set out Monday and bring stuff down from Dallas all the way to Brownsville, then gradually make its way back up.  Every week, someone was assigned waiting for the guy, sometimes at 5pm, sometimes at 1am.  He was a nice older man, who talked to himself, just interjected your name and kept talking.  He moved a lot of Kodak printers, large office sized ones.  He may have spent too much time around those inks and toners, but he was a good guy.
    I'm glad I worked there, did a solid year.  I was also glad I did not get the raise I demanded, causing me to quit.  I imagine I might have stayed there much longer had they given me a little more money.  Other than the death threat, it was a fun time all around.

1/29/15 You Want To Be A Man? #6

    Ambition.  Defined as desire for rank, fame, or power.  You need it if you want to be a man worth the boots you think you look good in.  We are blessed in that we live in 'merica, fuck yeah!  Opportunities abound for those that desire.  Everyone can find a niche to match their disposition.  I am very pro education but clearly, college is not for everyone, and everyone shouldn't be trying to go there.  For the uninitiated it is a colossal waste of time.  Some people are better off joining the workforce ASAP and getting experience in the real world.  That being said, it can be depressing in the beginning, nobody wants to hire kids, they usually lack focus, energy, attention spans, etc.
    Ambition got me in the door in my current position.  I had been with the company about four years but had been feeling the cold winds of change in the fab I had been in.  I applied for a position to do what I do now, with a different manager who is no longer around.  I had a feeling he didn't care for me.  He asked me "why do you think you can do this job?"  With his full staff of 4-5 TEM specialists there in the room.  I said first thing that came to my mind: "if they can do it, I can too."  He did not hire me, but I didn't care for his attitude anyway.  I hate uptight people with power.
    About a month later, my current boss called me in for an interview, I hadn't even applied for his position, but he took my name from the other manager and called me in.  He wanted an SEM technician, very similar to TEM, as far as we look at tiny samples and take pictures.  He was fixing to go on sabbatical, but wanted the position filled before he left.  I told him "hire me, nobody will work harder than me."  He did and I have been with the group now about 16 years.  None of the other manager's chosen flock is around anymore and he was laid off at a certain point.  No hate on him, but I don't appreciate when people don't see what a special snowflake I am.  :)
    I would never claim to be the smartest person in the group, we usually carry 4-5 PhD's in a group of about 20 people, and even some of the other people here are nuts with their fascination of what we do, but I will go head to head against anyone who claims they put out more work than me, year after year. 
    Be ambitious, apply everywhere, you never know where you might end up.  I had no idea semiconductors were a thing.  I assumed all electronics were made in Japan and or China, but here I am, almost 20 years into a career I did not set out on, but it has been interesting and fun.

1/28/15 Equality Until The Check Arrives?

"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street

with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy."

    This is a tad cliché, but here we go.  I expect to have to pay anytime I eat out.  It is rare when someone else picks up the tab.  Honestly, in the last 2-3 years, my father-in-law is the only person we'll eat with who occasionally picks up the tab.  I am always dumbfounded, what do I do?  Am I supposed to fawn over him like I wished many a dinner companion fawned over me after paying for their food?  Do I give him a hearty handshake?  Tell him "You Da Man, Thanks!!"  It is a little uncomfortable, all of a sudden I feel like a kid, ooh, somebody else is in charge.
    When we go out as a family, even though we have a joint account, my Wife usually wants me to be the man and pay.  That way it is on me to figure out the tip.  My formula is take the taxes and multiply by two.  If waitress is attractive or goes out of his/her way, maybe an extra buck.  What do you do at a Luby's or a place where you get your own food, but the waiters come over and pester you, eventually bringing a drink refill or maybe even a little butter?  I hate tipping these dudes.  Worse, we've been told we're supposed to tip at Sonic.  Sonic has mediocre McDonald's type food, they are saving on not having a restaurant and keeping it air conditioned.  They should be paying those workers at least minimum wage.  Nothing against the food, we stop all the time for drinks or shakes when we go for a cruise, but just because the servers are outdoors, we should financially support them?
    It is fun to occasionally let Wife pay.  All of a sudden she's opening apps on her phone to make sure she is paying enough of a tip, checking the bank, see if we can afford this meal, oh no, we might have to sell the house because we ate at Whataburger.
    So do men pay because we still believe in chivalry, because we know women get 70 cents on the dollar, compared to men?  Do we pay to somehow say "I own you, Woman!!"  Or is it much simpler, women are bad at math.  Numbers and calculations scare them, so we do it to keep the peace?
    As long as I can afford it, I will be the hero/sap when the check comes.  My wife doesn't always like it, but she did not marry a cheapo.  I refuse to sit there and split a check when it is two people eating. 

1/26/15 Tent Camping?

    "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, except for bears, bears will kill you."

    Back before we bought our RV, we attempted camping in a tent a couple times.  Both times did not end well, and we gave up the idea and therefore bought our first RV in 2000.
    Our first camp out was just us three, before Chubs was born.  We had our boat, we bought a new tent and we were ready to rough it.  We had everything you see in a staged camping picture, not that it is all used.  We even had a gas stove top to cook.  Our destination on our first attempt was Inks Lake.  It is about an hour and change from the house, perfect distance for a weekend getaway.  As soon as we got there, we put the boat in the water and it couldn't be more perfect, I was able to bring the boat almost up to our campsite, just a paved road separated the water and our numbered campsite.  I backed in the truck, we set up our tent, then went for an afternoon cruise to enjoy the sunset and maybe sandwiches for dinner as we casually fished and enjoyed the evening.  I know we had to have jumped in the water, Boy loved swimming at that age, and I was fifteen years younger, so I would have had more energy to pursue him.
    Now we were back on land, and the whole camping thing now became more real.  What to do about pooping?  Luckily, it was a state park and the bathrooms were kept pretty clean.  For some reason, there were hardly any other campers there.  This made it that much better, we commandeered one of the bathrooms, did our business, then back to our campsite.  I was not satisfied, as there was no shower facilities, but since most of the campsites were empty and it was dark, I took the privilege of squatting by one of the faucets and like you do with a baby using a cup of water, washed my stinky parts.
    Things were now great, it was dark, real dark, no stars, no campers, we ate, cool breeze, I remember going to the water to check on the boat and seeing all the little critters that used to excite Boy, frogs and turtles and maybe even a small snake moving about in the shallow water.
    Then it turned, the wind started picking up, we weren't sure what was happening, but it got ugly fast, it must have been a big storm, maybe a cold front.  I don't quite remember, but at a certain point we jumped in the truck to avoid the wind, looking at all of our stuff all over the place.  We weren't sure whether to wait a bit to see if storm would pass, or get out in the rain and get everything packed away.  We waited a bit.  After awhile, we both said it's time to go.  We jumped out, I was attempting to break down the tent in a strong wind, and only managed to break it down enough to stuff it in the metal box in the back of the truck.  No way was I going to fold it neatly into its storage bag.  Wife was gathering the stove, and lanterns, and coolers, blankets, I think we had a futon mattress to sleep on.  The wind and our yelling was a little too much for Boy, I remember him trying to get off to help, if it was 2000, he was about 6 years old, all he could muster was vomit.  The stress of it all made him throw up, at least it was on the grass by the truck and not in the truck.
    Next to last thing was taking truck to boat ramp, running back to boat and driving boat in that wind and rain to get it on trailer.  Boat was loaded and secured, after a few minutes, we were on the road.  Luckily, none of our roads were flooded, maybe because we left so quickly, before long, we were home.  This again, was all before smartphones.  Nowadays, there are apps, to notify you where the rain is, within a block accuracy.  Maybe we just didn't pay attention, and that's probably why park was empty, but it was fun while it lasted.

1/27/15 Hold On Tight, It's Gonna Be A Boring Ride For Awhile?

   "He who returns from a journey is not the same as he who left."

    I am starting to feel dry on ideas to write, which I think is because we are back to our normal routine. Work has also picked up which is great, I like the opportunity of making extra money, but it does leave less down time.  The weather being crappy like it has been helps in some sense, because it's not like we would be doing something cool right now.  I am thinking in a week or two it might be nice to try our luck at one of our getaway weekends with our timeshare.  

    As I had mentioned some time back, we bought a timeshare, but mostly because we get these "getaway weekends".  We go on their website and if there is availability at a resort, we can go for up to three nights, then we must wait seven nights before we can do it again.  It is $50 a night, but the units are all 2bed/2bath with a kitchen and living room, so we aren't crowded into one room.  The closest one has a heated pool, so even the one here in New Braunfels would be good enough right now.

    This weekend I worked Friday night, and I will be working Sunday night.  Wife worked Saturday, the plan being that her extra earnings will pay for most of our trip to Florida sometime in the summer.  My extra earnings are to pay down debt.  It was a big wake up call to know we have $60-70000 in equity in our rental house, but we can't access it because we have too much credit card debt.  I call BS, as we have never missed any payments.  The bank does not gain anything from giving one a lower interest rate, what's in it for them to help the customer?  It was such a long drawn out process that Wife refuses to try again with a different lender and get nothing out of it.

    And yes, part of the reason we have so much credit debt is because we do stupid things like buy timeshares, but you gotta live.  Theoretically, one day we will own the timeshare, so we'll see how that works out.  I think I see their plan.  We started by buying an every other year timeshare, then we "upgraded" to every year.  They also have "presidential units", which are 3BR/3bath units with more square footage and nicer furnishings.  Those buildings even have elevators, if that impresses some of you lazy stair haters.  At some point, I know they're gonna start pitching us to upgrade once again.  Oh well, we are suckers for a good deal, plus we are proud Americans, and what's more american than needless consumption?

    Anyways, it is my only night off this week, it is about 4am, and I am rambling on a gassy stomach, thanks to the questionable chicken we ate from Central Market.  I was asleep by 1030pm, and now I am not sleepy at all, but since I work tomorrow, I will force myself to sleep.

1/25/15 Complete My Set?

    Chubs just discovered the Hulk at Build A Bear.  He has all the other Avengers, so it makes sense we should complete the set.  But why?  He doesn't really play with them.  Last time my folks came, my Dad almost broke a leg stepping over them and punting them around the room.  In a perfect world, they would sit on top of his comforter on a bed that is made up every morning.  The reality is that the bed gets made up about once a month when I accidentally walk in there and I'll arrange the bears in a corner of the bed.  Of course, at bedtime, the bears are sent to their normal place, the floor.
    A few years ago, my wife was aggressively collecting Barbie's.  We have three eight foot bookshelves filled with an assortment of Barbie in different outfits, and of course a couple Teresa's, cause we proud beaners.  Couldn't pass up getting "Knocked-Up" Barbie, which was quickly taken off the shelves.  There's also some other minority dolls, like Peruvian Barbie and a few Xena Warrior dolls, because why not?  The catch is that this collection will never be done.  They keep coming out with new Barbies.  I had to wave the white flag and admit defeat, specially when you see some people on TV with whole rooms and houses dedicated to a collection.  I don't want to be that guy, maybe if it was Playboy magazines...
    My question is "Do we finish a collection when we get down to 1 or 2 more pieces and the person has lost interest?  Chubs, again, this past summer wanted the Ninja Turtles from Build a Bear.  He got three before the fad wore off.  I see the fourth Turtle, Michelangelo, but sorry buddy, you didn't join quick enough.  The bus has left the station and we are in pursuit of newer and better things.
    The whole Harry Potter series just became a mess in my head.  I'm not sure if I saw and read the whole thing.  Books were being released as fast as movies, but the movies were one year behind, then the last book was split into two movies.  I know the good guys won, and that one of the Weasley  twins died, as well as Harry's owl.  I am not sure if I just read it or saw it.  Oh well...
    How about the Star Wars mess.  Naming the movies out of order is bad enough, but we have Star Wars on VHS, DVD, then improved DVD with 5 more minutes or something, and then in a box set with added commentary.  Really, we get it, lightsabers are freaking cool.  And yes, we are getting excited for yet another Star Wars movie, why not?

1/24/15 Another Sixteen Weeks Of Fun?

   "There are two things we should give our children;

one is roots, and the other is wings."

 Boy's Spring semester started at Tx. State and already he is MIA.  He has friends who live in San Marcos and he enjoys spending as much time as possible over there.  I know it's normal and we try to give him his free space.  My only real concern is he might tire his friends.  As a standard, we have always had a rule for him of his friends spending two nights, then go home.  We tell him, come back home after two nights.  This way, hopefully, you don't overstay your welcome.
    It is easy to lose focus and think our life is out of control sometimes, but we just have to remember that everything is cyclical.  His semesters last sixteen weeks, whether he does good or bad.  Chubs is out of school at the end of May, even Wife has the summers off, starting sometime in June.  Not to mention the Christmas break we just finished, and the Spring Break, coming in March.  The rough parts are really short.
    I checked on him today, first thing he mentioned was professor is 74, can't hear or see very good, but he is confident material will still be interesting enough to keep him going.  Says he'll also get chance to weld and do other hands-on things.  I know from the rockets program back in high school, this is what drives this boy.  He likes to build and run tools.  First time, to me, that he was excited about classes, so I am hoping for great things this semester.  He is about done with most of his basics, so now it is becoming more concentrated into his "real classes".
    He continues working at Alamo Drafthouse, so we are still not having to give him money to run around, though I did get him a gas card, just in case he needs it.  He was pretty good the Fall Semester, we managed to catch up and pay off amount over the holidays. 
    In high school, he was the kid in the suit very regularly.  I liked him dressing up, but I am glad he is going the cheap T-shirt and jeans route nowadays.  The only extravagant items we bought for his clothing was the Under Armour shirts with logos, such as Batman, or Superman, but that was my choice to buy them.
    His friends and him are planning a trip to Disney come the end of the semester, I told him he can use our timeshare, but he has to be cool on our weeklong vacation when we go.  If he repeats his performance of last year, he can figure out where they are going to stay come May.  I sense some maturity in him, let's see how he plays my blackmail.

1/23/15 January Kinda Sucks? (poem)

I know many months, but you are the worst

you're creepy, you're cold, you're dreary, you're cursed.

What was December with Christmas, New Year's Eve, toys and joy

You're just cold and all the bills show up, just to annoy.

Why can't you be like July, with the grill, smelling of meat

no, it's too cold, freaking tamales, bout the only thing left to reheat.

I long for March, a week off from school, a little break

not you, you're a jerk with cold weather and heartache.

You want to think you're better than May?

Incorrect! May has the end of school, even a Mexican holiday

How about August, with its miserable summer heat,

are you kidding?  There's the beach, and my birthday and that is just a treat.

No, you suck, roads always wet and dirty

everyone wears jackets and coats, how can one even attempt to get flirty.

How about the after Christmas specials and all the sales

Suck it, I've maxed all my credit cards even the new one from Zales.

Apparently everyone gets it on in April, cause there's birthdays galore

phooey, I've seen both families too much, I'll act like I'm poor.

There is one thing you can't complain about and that is the Super Bowl game

except that the 2nd largest day for US food consumption now gives February fame.

Well boo-hoo to you, it's only 31 days, work on losing some weight,

that's right January calls you out for being a holiday piggy,

I think that's why you hate me and that's why you pissy.
Nah Fatboy, you ate everything in site and laid on your ass
you think January is gonna let you talk and give you a pass?
Not me, now get yourself in the gym
before you get the diabetes and lose a limb.
You said it yourself, nothing else to do
quit faking it with the sickness, you don't have the flu!
If you gonna be naked in the hottub with all the ladies like you like to dream
best work on those man titties, come on, January is the perfect time to start on that scheme.

1/22/15 What Happens To People That Don't Read?

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance"

 I was writing worrying about myself and the idea of filling my brain with new ideas and possibly even ways to string sentences together like a Jane Austen or even an Ernest Hemingway, but then it occurred to me, most people don't even want to be bothered with reading books.  What happens to these poor souls?  Are some people entertained just by the hum of a fan blowing air in a room?  Do they process so much information by just staring out the window that there is no need to add a little fiction?
    Taking it farther back, to high school, maybe students are required to read a few books a year their junior and senior year.  A high school dropout will not even read these and statistics say up to 1.2 million students a year drop out.  This is a population that seems to be growing and the shame is that the only thing that does get to fill their minds is television, I love TV, but if you have no appreciation of letting your mind build a character out of words, you are not going to let some fantasy creature exist, even on the screen.  In time, the only thing on TV will be soaps, news, sports, and reality TV.
    These people worry me, life has so much to give when you interact, when you are part of it.  But if you are so far behind, life becomes complicated, easy exchanges where you might attempt to be clever and quote a line from something might just be taken as an insult from Joe Average.  Out in the world, my first instinct is to interact as little as possible, especially with guys.  Until I get to know someone, I really don't care to open up.  My style is to be free and a bit of a smart-ass.  Slow people quickly assume that I am being disrespectful, not my cup of tea, but you bring that upon yourself when you live with your head stuck in the sand.
    Please, encourage your kids to read, it might be too late for you, but don't let the next generation of you be another batch of donkeys, if the moniker fits.  Reading should never be seen as a punishment, if your boys don't read, hand them Playboys and leave them alone.  They may become fans, just for the articles, it really is a good magazine to read, it has interesting things in all facets of life.  Both my boys are constantly working on different books, I used to worry about Boy (has dyslexia), but he reads all the time, and one of our family hangouts is going to the bookstore once a month or so.
    So where are the people that don't read?  My fear is that all around us.

1/21/15 Is Knowledge Hidden In Books?

    I decided this year I would expand my mind.  I am trying to read a few different books right now.  I have Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen to read on the throne.  The World As I See It by Albert Einstein by the bed, along with Five Dialogues by Plato.  I also bought The Picture Of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde which I keep meaning to take to work and read while I work.

    Honestly, I have always read, but usually it is self-help books like Massage for Dummies and stuff like that.  I had not found much value in reading books for entertainment, but I am trying mostly because I want to keep writing and entertain you fine people (here's where I look at you and wink).  I was also convinced for the longest time that only classics are worth reading, such as Homer's The Odyssey.  I cannot roll my eyes far back enough when I see my wife reading yet another Sherrilyn Kenyon book on horny vampires.  She must have about 50 of those little novel books laying around the house, one is even in my stack here by my bed as I glance over, what the heck.

    What is the purpose of reading though?  I want to learn things, such as with the massage books, or How-to's so I can install my own ceiling fans.  My wife does it solely for entertainment.  Does this just speak to the kind of people we are?  I keep a current subscription of Car and Driver magazine so I can tell my wife about such and such cars when they are coming out, a man should have this information and where else does one get it if not from books and magazines.  Within the year I want to stretch my stories into longer more significant efforts, which is why I am entertaining the idea of reading novels, to see what those authors do to create an environment in your mind and a story that can be believed.

    The Einstein book was a gift from Boy for my birthday, and I read a few pages at a time, trying to take in his message.  It is so far a beautiful book, with Einstein's thoughts in small sections which allows for picking up and putting down in small increments.

    If I do read everything I intend to read, will my knowledge of things increase?  Are we like computers, where we just keep adding data and our storage capacity builds infinitely or at some point our brain starts purging and deleting stuff that hasn't been used in a while.  Is reading anything sufficient?  My wife's vampire novels are the equivalent of mashed potatoes or strained baby food, yet she still strings sentences together so her brain is still pretty good.  I must conclude presently that any reading is better than no reading, but I may change that opinion someday.  How about people that refuse to read?  I think this might be another blog altogether.

1/20/15 I'm Still Paying For A Shitty Mattress?

    We bought into the hype a couple years ago and bought a foam bed.  At this point, I think we have tried more beds than most.  My first bed, and my still favorite was a california king sized waterbed, followed by a standard spring mattress when our first son was born, then a pillow top a few years later, and now the foam mattress type.  We did order at one point the sleep number bed, but then cancelled when we got home, when we thought about spending almost $3000 for an inflatable bed.
    I would still sleep on a waterbed, if I could find them, I slept best on them.  I had two different ones, the original just a large bladder type which held water and a small heater kept it warm, the second one was much more complex with baffles and all sorts of technology to reduce the wave motion so my wife wouldn't complain so much.  Boy being born killed the waterbed era, as the plastic mattress was deemed a kill zone for any and all babies, " he could flip over and his face could be mashed into the mattress and suffocate".  How can anyone argue with that kind of logic?  The spring bed and even the pillow tops were OK, and we still have those beds, (I don't buy that mattress doubles in weight every seven years BS, that's just advertising) which we use in our guest rooms.  I've even mentioned sleeping regularly on the older bed, when I come home early from work and Chubs is asleep with Wife.
    When we slept on them every night, it seemed that both beds had formed a crevice in the shape of a big old fat beaner.  But since we now only sleep on them, or rather guests sleep on them very occassionally, the mattresses have bounced back.  And how is a bed supposed to accumulate body skin and dander to double in weight if bedsheets are used and they are washed once a week.  I will also wash those sheets on the guest beds every time we have people sleeping over, just to ensure everyone sleeps on clean sheets.
    So the problems with our latest mattress, the foam types are:  you sink into them when you lay down, they hold your body heat, and they are not helpful AT ALL, in the love making department.  Sinking in sounds great, it holds you like a baby, but if you find you want to adjust any, you either have to ask the bed for permission or you have to fight yourself into a new position.  The body heat thing might be more from having to use a gore tex material under the bed sheet.  They gave us a 25 year warranty with the mattress, but we have to assure that the foam does not get wet.  So we were offered this pee proof sheets.  They prevent sweat and accidental spills from reaching the foam, but also catch half your body's heat release mechanism and holds it hostage.  Both my wife and I swear the bed is hot, but I think it's because this material doesn't let us breath.  And finally, this material will never win Best Supporting Actor in a porno.  On a regular bed you are humping into a spring bed, and naturally, the springs you push into push back with an equal force and allows you to build a concierto masterpiece with your lover.  On a foam mattress, as soon as you set up on your knees to conquer the valley, you sink into the bed and there you stay.  One good hump and there you both are, implanted into engineered foam until you rally all 640 skeletal muscles to go in an opposite direction, the bed ain't helping you do half the work for you.  This is by far the worst thing and I am sure none of the foam bed makers are going anywhere near this factoid.  Sometimes I tell the wife to join me in the guest room just to make sure I can still perform like in my 20s and 30s.  I can't wait to pay off these $2500 mattresses so we can invest in something better, maybe his and hers hammocks.

1/19/15 How Far To Chase A Burger?

    Tonight we drove to North Austin in search of a burger.  My wife saw an add for Red Robin and we then decided that is where we needed to eat.  The burgers are delicious, but we could have had a good burger a mile away from the house at Whataburger and saved $10 just on not paying a tip.  But there we were, following directions on our phone and when the phone failed us (location was closed), Wife remembered she saw it by I-35, we drove by gut instinct and found it.  Before going to eat, we went to Fry's because we were close to it and Boy loves that place.  I have decided it's too much like a bordertown warehouse store.  Everything's out and there's some savings to be had, but you'll feel dirty when you leave there.  Only purchase we did was Chubs got a Pokemon movie for $6.99.  As I'm writing this at 3:00am, he just came in the room all teary-eyed because that's what happens when you watch Pokemon movies.  I told him to turn it off and watch a regular cartoon to get over it, then go to sleep.
    Anyways, getting back to our dinner, Red Robin was almost empty around 9:15pm, which is how I prefer to eat, but 20 minutes after we sat down a huge group of mexicans came in, about 35-40 strong and took up all the tables around us.  When I saw them putting all the tables together I thought great, some high school basketball team or something organized was coming in, but no one in the party was dressed indicating an event, still made me uncomfortable, why do people travel in such huge packs?  We finished eating our meal, it was good, but I think I pushed the bottomless fries too much, as I told the waittress to start the fries coming when we ordered our drinks.  I love me some fries, but 3 rounds of fries and then a fourth with the meal, just seems excessive.  Maybe they shouldn't advertise "never ending fries".  I still taste them in my burp 5-6 hours later, ughhhh.
    There used to be a Red Robin down in south Austin, but it closed down.  Occasionally, we eat at the one on 1604 and I-35 coming out of San Antonio.  This was the first time we ate at this one, on Parmer Lane.  It was OK, I just don't like how the freeway is laid out up there.  There is an exit every mile or so, and if you miss your exit, you have to go a great distance to make a u-turn around the freeway.
    This also reminds me of when my Dad and Mom come up.  My Mom wants to try new places every time, my Dad would just prefer the closest thing by the house so he didn't have to be bothered too much.  Every time we get in the car, "how far are you taking us this time to eat dinner?" or "Shit Junior, I don't want to drive around for two hours just so you can take us to eat dinner, there's boxing on ESPN6 at midnight and I would rather be watching that."  We just usually laugh him off, because he would be content with a peanut butter/jelly sandwich until after the meal, which then he will say "oh, that was very good."
    Oh well, it was a Saturday night, we drove up like a family, did a little fun family arguing at Fry's,  the four of us ate together, it was a good night.  I did have the thought of grilling during the day, but it cooled off pretty quickly once the sun went down and the last thing I wanted to do was relapse sick a third weekend for standing around out in the cold by the grill.  Maybe next weekend, if the weather holds up.

1/18/15 Which Is Worse Enjoying Gore or Perversions?

    My middle brother and I were always close growing up.  We were always close enough in age that we hung out and I would include him in everything possible.  This made us competitive in everything we did, which was perfect during our summers, we'd go out and try to play basketball in the middle of 105 summer days or tennis, when we got excited about Wimbledon Tennis, I don't know why.  Maybe I enjoyed John Mcenroe loosing his mind when he didn't get his way. 
    Anyways, at a certain point, we took different paths, I love me some naked women running around the internets.  He gets disgusted by my never ending pursuit of a good naked pic.  I love them all, big, small, full, skinny, white, black, tall, short, as long as they are legal and they are smiling or appear to be enjoying themselves.  It might be that he has a little girl, which I am glad I just have the two boys.  What are you gonna do, the heart likes what the heart likes, as they say.
    Lately, I think I am finding that my brother has a little fascination with gore.  When we go down to visit, he gets on the computer trying to show me stories on Mexican websites because they don't censor like the American news outlets.  If there's an accident with a decapitation, that will be front and center.  I have zero interest in any of that activity and even at home, I rarely watch anything considered scary or with those tones. 
    Movies are supposed to entertain us, or even better open us to new ideas and thoughts.  What is to be gained by watching a "killer" enjoying himself doing what he loves in some fantastical way, like the Friday the 13th franchise?  Even mainstream shows like Bones, which I do enjoy because of the squints in the lab get a little carried away with skulls rolling around comedically, at times.  But then again, the censors allow it.
    Why is half a decomposed body allowed to be shown in its glory, but people crap themselves if they think they see a nipple?  I think this backwoods thinking is what is pushing better programming to cable and channels like HBO and even Netflix.    My wife was suggesting cutting cable, like a threat, but there is already such a small selection of shows I even watch.  Left to my own devices, I always put the TV on HGTV to try and catch House Hunters or one of its formulaic copy cats.  Love the idea of living in Hawaii, maybe one day.  There are like 5-6 shows I really enjoy:  Big Bang Theory, Goldbergs, Archer, Middle.  I also enjoy Once Upon A Time, Bones, Sleepy Hollow, but they are stretching to reach an hour sometimes.
    I guess we can all be glad we all have these phones which bring us what we need almost instantly.  I get my fill of adult viewing on Tumbler, IG (when I'm feeling PG), and a couple other places.  I am doing my part, if some shy woman went to the trouble of putting on a brave face to create pictures for a boyfriend, who then broke up and threw them on the internet because he is a jerk, well, someone needs to benefit from that equation.  That's where I step in.  Maybe we are all bottom feeders, at least the victims I watch walk away to face another day.  Gore doesn't really allow for that option.

1/17/15 Obsessive Much?

    My wife has always said I am OCD.  I obsess over anything that catches my fancy, from people to things.  I am noticing that my boys are following my path, and quite possibly becoming more and more like me. 
    For example, Chubs found a catchy but lame Pokémon song on Youtube on his phone last week.  He is now playing it non-stop, either on his headphones while he does his homework, or I hear it coming from his room as I pass by.  The whole Pokémon thing was nearly non-existent to him a month ago.  But over the holidays, he seems to have gotten over Halo and now he only wants to "catch 'em all".
    I find Boy obsessing over one thing or another in his own space.  He started "needing" guns, so I caved in and Santa bought him a rifle last Christmas, this Christmas he got a handgun.  You would think he has two firearms, but no.  In that time frame, his grandpa gave him another high caliber rifle and a shotgun, and one of his uncles gave him another rifle.  Boy now has about 6-7 firearms.  I would worry a bit, but he has been very responsible, cleans them after every use, seems to know way more than I ever cared to know about them, so I guess it's good.
    Another obsession of his is computers.  He begged me for a top of the line, at the time, laptop two birthdays ago.  I walked in to Fry's saying I wouldn't spend more than $1500, but he talked me up to a steal of a laptop for $2700, it was originally $3500, but had been returned the day before.  I said fine, but no more computers from me until you bring home a degree.  Fast forward to him getting a job, and building an even faster home computer the size of a small dishwasher, then him talking me into giving him an IPAD I was given at work, then another portable laptop because "IPADs are not very good for engineers" his words and his fancy laptop was too heavy for him to carry every day.
    He also has a thing for knives, at some point he talked me into getting him a $150 knife that could help fix his guns out on the field.  Plus his uncles keep bartering and trading with him, and always seems to have a new knife on him.  He was funny when I got him his first knife, at probably 10 years old.  It was a tiny red Swiss Army knife with a one inch blade, he cut his finger within an hour and returned it to me saying "I'm not ready for this Dad" as he walked off to tape his hand.
    This blog, my wife suggested I start as a way to focus my obsessive needs.  It seems to be working, but sometimes I write 4-5 at a time, and then I have to be patient since I want to only release one a day.  Another obsession has been my need to start my work night listening to certain CDs on youtube.  I discovered Passenger a couple months ago, and the music just seems written for me.  This led to James Hunt, and to Jack Johnson, then Norah Jones, and recently Mumford and Sons.  Sometimes I don't even have time to get on Netflix before I've listened to everything I need to listen to. 
    I have had other obsessions, in high school nobody spent more time than me on their instrument, which is one reason I got All State Honors my senior year.  I was then obsessed in college with weight loss, and I lost over 100lbs, but I lived on tuna and cereal and played basketball every free minute I had.  Marriage put a quick stop to that, and as soon as I started working, I got caught up with working as much as possible, which carries through to today.
    I've had other obsessions, involving my hot tub and such, but I'll save that for another day, trying to keep this PG peeps.  But yes, no, yes and of course yes to what you're thinking.    

1/16/15 Car Thieves Or Demons?

    I was telling Wife about my lack of scary stories so far, thankfully, our life has been pretty good.  She reminded me about one which I will share now.  Remember, I have claimed to be atheist, and if I'm going to not believe in gods and angels, I also don't believe in devils or demons, but this one got close to it all.
    The year was probably 2002-2003.  Chubs was nowhere in the picture, and we were driving around in a Black Expedition which we owned before we bought my 2004 Excursion.  We were in Corpus Christi doing our summer thing, hanging out in our RV over a summer weekend.  My mom said they were going to the Virgen de San Juan del Valle Shrine Church.  It's a big church and for some reason people make promises to visit it when bad things go down.  Not being disrespectful about it, but I never understood why this church was different than the others, other that it was a little bigger than any in our area.  Anyways, it was about a two hour trip, she said "if you want to go, we'll go in separate cars, we'll head home, you all can come back to Corpus."  It sounded like an OK idea and I quickly started figuring we could head down to Brownsville, I was worldly now, had friends at UT from Brownsville who bragged about the waters being clear on the beach, like you see in photos in far away places.  Corpus is nice, but the gulf water is at best nice looking, rarely does it look camera ready and awesome.
    We went and my brothers were there, I remember cracking wise the whole time on the church grounds.  This is what bothers me about religion, the poor are starving, but they build these huge monuments of grandiosity and excess.  I mean the church is beautiful, but it is built on the backs of the poor who give their hard earned money, out of guilt mostly.  There is a running faucet, and the water coming out of it is "holy" because bishop so and so made the sign of the cross ten years ago?  Buy our plastic 10 cent jugs for $5.00 a piece and you too can have holy water at home.  Good for blessing homes, driving out demonic possessions, and also removes tartar buildup.  I'm sorry, but I don't buy it.
    Anyways, after getting my Mom nice and pissed for cracking wise, we exchanged goodbyes and we headed down to Brownsville.  The beach was a tremendous disappointment.  We went up and down looking for an entry point, but the whole city is just built up.  You can't see the beaches for all the construction.  We ended up parking, walking through an alley of some sort and walking on the beach for a few minutes.  I was not impressed with the whole business.  We stopped at a few souvenir shops, to make sure it got nice and dark on our return back, then got on the road back to Corpus.
    This is when our problems started, my Dad had told me, you'll be fine, just make sure you take this road back, not this other one.  I didn't pay much attention, figuring as long as they get us back to the general area of Corpus, it'll be fine.  Apparently, I took the wrong road, before too long a car approached from behind and flashed his lights, there were two lanes in both directions, I thought, no buddy, pass me if you want, I'm not slowing down.  After a while, he went ahead, I said good, but before long a van showed up and it too was flashing its lights for me to pull over.  At this point, my wife said it looked like the driver was a demon, with a long tongue and horns.  I decided I'd rather get a ticket than give these jerks any chance to stop me, we were going over 90 miles an hour for a good while.  At one point, the car tried slowing me down from the front, while the van was behind, but I jumped to the other lane, and floored the thing.  Luckily, they might have wanted the Expedition unscratched, he didn't attempt to sideswipe me and once I got in front of them, I did not slow down until we reached whatever little town.  I saw in the rear view mirror, they turned back, probably to go after another unsuspecting vehicle.
    I swore never again, am I going down that way.  My Dad later half-jokingly said we were being punished for smart-mouthing in the church.  Maybe, but I think it was just some low-lifes in masks trying to rob people or carjack.  Either way, it was before camera phones, I don't think they had license plates to write down and we did have a phone, but there was no service in that region.  Nowadays, we take our phones for granted, they seem to work everywhere, but that was a different time.

1/15/15 So You Want To Be A Man? #5

    How about basic vehicle maintenance?  Once you have a vehicle, it is up to you to keep it clean, spend 20 minutes every weekend with your car, take a trashbag if you tend to collect soda/water bottles, food wrappers, keep your car clean of big items.  Give it a quick vacuum, costs like $1.00.  Spray some Windex on inside of windows if there is a streak that bothers you at night.  Glass reflects kind of weird sometimes and what looks OK during the day can create a distraction on the glass.  Before you know it, you'll be wondering if the illuminati left you an encoded message in that bug streak.  No they didn't, you're not that important, maybe some day.  If your wiper blades can't handle it, by all means, stop at a gas station and work the squeegee thing.  It should be a habit while you gas up to clean your windows specially front and back.  You are only helping yourself, and it's not like you should be texting while you are pumping gas.
    Another thing to do is wash your car, at least once a month.  Today's cars have awesome paint that just holds up, keep it washed, wax it a couple times a year, it is recommended to do at least twice a year.  This helps to wash off the bird crap easier when you inevitably park under a tree and a whole murder of crows goes to town on your beloved ride.
    Check your tire pressure, old school, with a gauge, if need be, but I believe newer cars after 2008 have in-dash detectors telling you pressure for each tire.  Occassionally, you will need to put a little air in a certain tire, it's annoying, but keeping them at correct tire pressure is one way to ensure your car gives you the best fuel efficiency and running on a low tire, you are begging for a blowout.
    I personally go and replace my tires every three years at Discount Tire, they have an in store card, and it makes me feel safer for Wife and kids that they not run around on questionable rubber.  Sometimes they are cool, and even offer to buy back the tires I have, which helps a little with the purchase.
    Change the oil when it is recommended, sure it costs $30-$80, but that is the blood that pumps through your engine and it wears down.  I used to do it at home, but at some point I had like 30 3-liter bottles of old oil and I did not know what to do with it.  Eventually, I took it in to Jiffy Lube and they disposed of it for me.  Now we just go there, or sometimes the dealership.  Yes, it might cost a little more, but they have yet to make the mistakes I've heard from family and friends.  My brother went to a small gas station once and they didn't tighten screw where oil is drained.  Eventually, his oil spilled and his engine seized.  The gas station put a rebuilt engine in at their cost, but no way am I trusting a mom and pop place.  That little truck was never the same, he traded it in soon after.
    These are the little things that make you look like a man in control of his environment.  Develop these habits while you are young, before the kids come, and the nagging wife, you'll be cleaning her car too, might as well learn to love it.  And for Christ's sake, don't put those loud annoying mufflers that make you sound like your car ate a pan of beans, no freaking grown up on the planet likes that obnoxious sound your Dodge Neon is making as it cranks out its full 95hp.  Just cut that crap out, do everyone a favor.

1/14/15 Living In A Freezer?

    It has been a cold couple of days this weekend.  I want to like the cold, but at a certain point it is just too cold, and it is no longer fun.  I love not having to run AC in the cooler months, as our light bill has at times hit $700, usually August.  But then it gets so cold, we have to go the other way and run the heater.  That is worse, it costs money, it dries sinuses, plus I'm worried a fire will start.

    Some positives though, we are a tad broke, as the holidays just passed so we don't need to be going out, there are NFL playoff games on TV to watch, and the downtime gives me a chance to catch up on some reading.  I prefer a good college game btw, but the Longhorns are testing my patience sucking for too long now.  Being locked in at home also forced me to finish putting away all the Halloween and Christmas decorations in the closet, my wife had wrangled everything to the guest room, but supposedly, it is my job to get it in the closet.

    I am not sure if it is the cold, maybe I'm still a little sick from last week, but I am finding myself sleepy all the time.  I had the one day I overslept to pick up Chubs, almost happened again Friday, but wife came home and woke me at 2:30.  I am sitting here watching Denver/Indianapolis and I'm thinking, I could take a nap.  Last night, I took a nap at 10pm, woke at 11:30pm, then we were up until 4:00am.  I'm just going to blame the weather, it won't last long, never does.

    I don't mind being home, but it would be better in the summer, with the grill going, hottub bubbling, friends wearing bathing suits too small for their big butts.  Then I don't mind being a prisoner in my own home.  Ooh, and wife has a menu of new mixed drinks, which I am supposed to be concocting something new once a month.

    So I'll play it cool, in no time, we'll be in a better time of the year.  These winter doldrums only last a weekend or two, I'm seriously thinking of turning on heater, that would help my freezing body.  I took it to a vote, boys are walking around covered in blankets, I think wife loses this time.  Heater is on, already feel better.  Thermostat was reading 64 in the house, wife was "ehh, it's only 39 outside, it's not that bad."  

1/13/15 Dark And Stormy Night?

    Sounds cliche, but it was a dark and stormy night.  We were expecting ice and drizzle throughout the night and my wife was a pain for the last three days about Boy driving in the morning.  I wasn't too concerned because the forecast called for lows in the 30's.  It has to be below about 28 before actual ice on roads is a problem, although blah blah blah, it could always happen.  I know all you professional mamas are out there thinking I suck and "poor Mijo."
    Not the point, anyway.  We got off our schedule yesterday afternon, again Boy wanted to go to Book People, and I had promised myself I would buy that Dorian Grey book.  We went and it was fine, but expensive.  Chubs threw a fit, wanted a $20 Pokemon book, we said no.  Told him we'd stop at Half Price Books and he could get a previously handled smelly used book for half price, I love me a bargain.  He did, but now we didn't eat our afterschool snack until almost 6pm.  We ate Culver's, they have a perfect little patty melt and their fries are pretty good.
    Another couple stops at Best Buy for a flash card, we're gonna upload the hundreds of photos we've been taking on our cameras and make printed copies, cause we're old school.  Finally, a stop at Bath and Body Works, cause my wife had a coupon.
    We tried watching a movie, but got distracted, ended up watching some DVR recorded half hour shows, and of course Wife cooked some pizzas from freezer around 10pm, because we cannot accept dinner at 6pm.  I should've said no.
    I fell asleep kinda watching a movie with maybe Vin Diesel in a cabin, living with a two headed wolf that was too big to be natural, and it had pups and people were interested in buying them as pets, like it was a normal thing.  Before I knew it, I was in the action, we were in a car, speeding away from a scene, sliding into his hideaway garage, or something to that effect.  I knew this was dream-y, so it didn't bother me, but next I was in the theater almost like the one back home, with torn and missing seats.  But it was much grander, ceiling was 30-40ft high, and the walls were just painted black, everything was designed to be dark and scary.
    I didn't like it, but Wife wanted to see the new movie style, apparently, they scare the crap out of you, by fake killing someone in the audience, too much for my delicate sensibilities.  I saw the fake zombies start approaching from the sides, told my wife, "let's go", and made the sign with my finger in the air in a circle, indicating time to go.  She wanted to see what happens next, I decided I needed to pee.  I couldn't find an escape, this building was obviously not OSHA approved.  I walked along with my hands along the walls, trying to find a lock to release a door.  I finally found one, but I wasn't sure which was better, room filled with excited teenagers waiting for a fake murder or scary dark hallway in an old building, not a lit EXIT sign anywhere to be seen.
    I kept dragging my hands along the walls, something I don't like doing, but I was looking for a light switch, a door, something.  Evntually I found a pack of worker girl zombies, in costumes, they had nice voices, and one promptly pointed me to a dressing room with a bathroom.  Even in this room, none of the lights worked, and the few lamps were all running off extension cords in fire ready situations, like the lamp hanging over the tub, plugged into the light socket on the ceiling which was now only five feet tall and made it a challenge to pee.
    Nothing would light, I was still in the dark.  A dude zombie came in, flirted with the girl zombie and was trying to be helpful, but in a very half ass way.  I finally got a light going by trying all the different outlets.  They messed them up by going over them with the black paint, in their haste to make this a very scary old timey theatre experience.  Customers don't usually get to see the back, but these kids were comfortable enough knowing they were the scary part of the show.
    Last I remember, the dude zombie was trying to convince the girl zombie to give me a handy in the bathroom, I remember saying I was unopposed to this idea, but I started peeing and realized this doesn't feel right, I'm all bent in a weird shape and trying to force a pee into a load of clothes.
    I woke up just in time all tangled in the comforter, luckily, I didn't pee the bed, but dammit, I hate dreaming of scary crap, I really think I need a nightlight, the little lights on the phone indicating charged is not enough, and I have to stop eating at like 8pm.

1/12/15 I Have Failed, My Son Pays Though?

    Today, I am reduced to mere mortal in my son's eyes.  For the first time, ever, I was late to pick up Chubs.  There was one other time, but that was Mama's fault, she was supposed to get him that time.  I think Boy set me up to fail.  He came in the room just as I was rustling awake.  My phone alarm went off, in my head, I said I'll snooze, then get up.  I opened my eyes and there's Creepy, staring at me as I sleep.  I snap or whimper, "what?", he comes back with going to lunch, be back later.  My thought was "cool, I got $20, now me and Chubs can eat Bill Miller.  My new bank card is still not in (read "I Was Burgled").
    I turned over, freaking cold day, my wife is sure we'll get out of credit debt by not running heater, specially when she's at work.  House is super cold, bed is very warm, thanks to this 350lb nugget.  For a sec, I'm vaguely thinking snooze is gonna go off any second now.  You can never get that comfortable once you're waiting on it.  But I got very comfortable, it never rang.  I then opened my eyes, and thought hmm.  Followed by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.... (there were plenty more).  I grabbed the first shorts, usually I match my underwear to the mood I'm feeling, then I meditate on my day, read some inspirational thoughts, no.  I look at porn, I'm a guy.  I didn't even pee.  I ran to the school, jumped off and there is Chubs, face plastered to the window, you can see him from across the street.  He was heartbroken. already had the broom in hand, figuring he was gonna live the rest of his days on campus.  He could survive on the vegetable garden they are growing, entertain himself in the library, sleep on the nurses cot.
    He gave me a side look, "you owe me one Dad", uhhh, I hate when my kids guilt me.  I just agreed, "you're right".  I signed him out, like a library book, and we left.  I still haven't pee'd, my bladder is full, my eyes still have all that schmook you're supposed to wash off, mouth smells like hell.  And of course, now my phone has gone off three times, I have texts starting with WTH!! from Mama, like I'm a freaking junkie who does this all the time.  I ignore her, and proceed to have one of the best pee sessions ever at Bill Miller, it was held in for way too long.  Now I can tolerate the punches in the ear from Mama Bear.  I apologize to her, explain I already apologized to him, you want an apology, "SORRY".  I bought a caseload just for this occasion.
    We ate at Bill Miller, he got over it.  Wife is still discussing it with me, five hours later.  Moral of the story, don't go through life being dependable and trustworthy, because then when you screw up one time, people act like the sky is falling.  Get them used to being a half-ass, then people will just say, ehh, he tries his best, what are ya gonna do?  Much easier life that way.

1/11/15 Boobs Cost Me A Propeller And A Pair Of Shorts?

    Back in 1998, the world was cooler.  I was riding high on a promotion and my boss at the time was whispering in my ear that I would eventually be a better engineer than the handful of other engineers he had trained.  They were all doing well, running different sections over in the new fab. Things were looking good about even newer fabs soon to be built, maybe as far as Buda, but still within driving range.  In my head, eventually I would be the Randy of the Buda fab, hell yeah, I was born to lead, "do as I say, and don't eyeball me boy."
    I went and got me a boat.  It was swell, a little runabout they call them, big enough for 6-7 people.  That's a white folk number, they like to be comfortable.  I'd load that boat with 10-12 mesicans and anchors away my friend!!  I loved the first few years, boating with our neighbors, fishing with my dad, sometimes just a picnic with the family.  Life couldn't be any better.  Within a year or two, we needed to up the thrill of just riding on a boat.  I got some pull along floats, one was in the shape of a jetski, one was shaped like a chariot, most were just tubes.  The boys loved riding these different tubes, and I have great pics at home, showing their giant smiles as we'd zoom along miles of open water. 
    As it usually goes, eventually, a woman with big boobs enters the picture to distract me.  Our neighbors sister decided she wanted to ride on the tube and how could I say no to someone who is already wearing a small bikini.  She went along the usual up and down the lake and all was great, until she's being pulled into the boat, and my wife motions to her, "your boob is out".  I didn't actually see it, but I figured what had happened, so before she could get back, I said let's go some more, it's getting dark, you can ride tube back to boat ramp.  She was probably 25 and game.  I then of course was treating the boat like a bull turning maniacally, going in and out of coves, looking back instead of paying attention where the boat ramp was at.  A few minutes later, still no boob to be seen, it was dark, and now I had no idea where we were. 
    The lake was no longer friendly with families in pontoon boats eating chips and drinking pop.  Now it was full of old men in aluminum jon boats, murdering innocent worms in their pursuit of gamefish.  We brought boat down to a drift and putted along shore where I thought we might be close to our ramp.  And then KATUNK KATUNK and boat felt like it lifted up a foot and fell back.  I was sure there was a hole on the bottom of the boat and we would all be swimmming in seconds.  Everyone had their lifejackets on, as is the law, and for this exact reason.  Kids looked at me like come on man, save us, do something.  I looked in storage space under the floor and there was no water, so in thinking about it, it was just propeller mashing into some rocks.  We were still moving, but there was a roughness to it.
    Eventually, we approached another boat with 2-3 guys, I was ready to toss them a wench for good info to get us out of there, and they not only pointed us in the right direction, but they drove in front of us to get us there.  Nice guys, not pirates as I feared.
    Upon inspection, my propeller blade was bent pretty good, but no other damage to the vessel.  I said good, and the next day was at the boat place buying a replacement, $175 and I didn't even get to see the boobs. 

1/10/15 Why Don't We All Flee?

    Why do we stay where we are?  We used to be a nomadic species, has that been broken from our spirit, our wood and stone abodes enough to tether us where we reside.  I write this as a coworker gets ready to leave due to husband getting a promotion.  She was with our current group a little longer than myself, so approaching twenty years.  I hear husband got a great deal, so it is hard to turn down, I say go for it.
    So then the rest of us just remain where we are because that is where we have always been?  I moved to Austin in 1991 to come to UT, I thought it a great time in my life, packed my waterbed in the back of my Ranger and vamoose, don't look back, time to make my way in life.  I am on my second house, have a nice career, wife, Boy, Chubs, perfect little family package.  My mom still brings up just about every time we talk for more than five minutes, "so uh, you ever think of moving back home?"  I got the speech from my sister just over the Christmas break, two weeks ago.  The answer is no.  We don't go out much, but if I feel like running to my mistress, the mall, I can head there any time.  If we get real adventurous we can even go to the lake, or Schlitterbahn or countless other things.  I enjoy my stressful life.
    My brother, Mr. Attorney, came up to Austin, lived with me for two years and we had some good times.  We'd play disc golf, even got him a summer job when I worked at the warehouse.  As soon as he graduated, well he went to law school, but soon after, was back home.  He bought the house next door to mama.  That is going back home.  Mom couldn't be happier.  My sister also came up to Austin for a year or so, but soon went back home, they decided it would be easier to have a family back where family would be around for support.  She bought the lot behind my parent's house and built a new house there.  My other brother stayed away the longest, lived with me in two separate blocks of time for about five years, but he too is now back home.  A nomadic tribe we are not. 
    We go to Corpus Christi every summer, we have an RV, park it out there at an RV park and come and go as we please.  We talk about moving down there, I was born there, is our only connection. I like the beach, but honestly, sometimes we go down, and don't even make it to the water.  I guess I could look for a job at the refineries, and I did when I was looking for a job initially, but I am now comfortable in what I do.  I am left alone, for the most part, which I like.
    When we've gone to Disney in Florida, it is so clean and "magical", my wife and I start discussing the idea of living down there.  The reality is it is a vacation destination, it's supposed to be better than home, and it appears to be, but I don't trust that.  Florida is for sunburns and amusement parks, not jobs in cutting edge technology sectors.  I couldn't go down there and work for the mouse, some minimum wage job, no thanks.  But we do love going down there.
    We've had one friend actually flee.  She just started talking about moving, two weeks before she left she still didn't know where she was going, but they did it.  Sold everything, jumped in their cars and hit the road.  I think that is so brave and so stupid, at the same time.  To just leave everyone you know behind takes an adventurers spirit, and to land in a brand new place, with kids, and re-establish some semblance of roots, takes more guts than I have.  These people didn't even have a job they were going there for.  But they are over a year into their adventure, I still don't know what the gain in doing it was, but I guess some people still have nomad's blood.
    Their daughter had stayed behind, was going to school, just got back from meeting them up there for five days.  She's got the itch to move, not with her mom, to New York, or maybe even Florida.  This kid has grown up pretty much in our house, she asks for my advice in everything or I give it to her anyway, and I think it is scarier for a girl to move along by herself, but maybe it will work out.  She's not going to school anymore, and there is no boyfriend, so it'll be interesting to see if she too can make it out of a comfort zone, to search for who knows what.
    From my perspective, most people rarely move.  My family back home all still live pretty much where they have always lived.  I guess it goes to maybe being comfortable.  If you are comfortable, why change anything?  The only reason we moved to a second house was that our first one seemed too small when Chubs came along.  I felt like I was suffocating in our first house.  It is a fine little house, and we keep it in case I ever lose my job, my wife could afford that mortgage and carry me, for awhile.  But I love my current house, and I just can't think I would move, unless I could find an affordable waterfront property, fifteen minutes from my work.  Maybe the continuing drought will make the rich people around our lakes uncomfortable and they will flee....

1/9/15 I've Been Burgled?

    Well, woke up Sunday morning at the crack of noon only to realize I was the victim of credit card fraud.  Good thing we're almost broke, we noticed it almost instantly.  I like to challenge my wife, Saturday night we were down to about $200.  I told her, let's see if we can make it to Friday on the $200.  We do keep a little extra money in the house and our savings has a good $800-$1000 when things are working right, don't worry, we won't starve.  But since we live and die by the swipe of the card, when I have extra from OT, I try to pay off different credit cards.  Doesn't change anything, we promptly go buy stuff we don't need sometimes just from boredom.  We have a problem, I know.
    A couple years ago, someone decided to be a champ, a generous, generous soul.  They stole some credit card checks from our house and donated $2000 to Red Cross on our behalf.  I caught this, and about needed their services on the spot.  Called the credit card in question and even they said it looked suspicious, my cheapness is known throughout the land, I guess.  Anyways, we cancelled that transaction, and set up a bunch of protective alarms through our bank.  For example, if we write a check for more than $1000, we get a text.  If we go below $100, we get a text, and so on and on. 
    Sunday morning, between my chills and diarrhea (I've been kind of sick, no fever though), my wife noticed on her phone a note that we were out of money.  I just waved her off, we've been running around, it was bound to happen, but we also had a call on the house phone and this got Sherlock Holmes looking through our bank account online.  Sure enough, some lower life form took my credit card info and bought himself some car parts at Auto Zone in North Austin to the tune of $178.  They then tried to fill up their car with $24, but it was declined, cause we just don't roll with that kind of cash.  On the one hand I say Ha!, busted, on the other hand, this just reeks of a poor desperate soul trying to fix his POS vehicle.  Doesn't even have the fortitude to fill up his gas tank, $24, come on buddy, live a little, throw in some Slim Jim's for the missus, maybe a soda for the kid in the back seat. 
    It should bother me more, but our bank promptly put a stop usage on the card, they refunded my money within twelve hours, and I guess no harm, no foul.  This poor low life might have paid more than the $178 for the credit info, hope he goes back and stabs the a-hole who sold my info, probably a clerk getting paid minimum wage.  Ughhhh, everybody has become a victim, at least give him a good swift kick in the ass, stabbing just sounds dirty.  Yeah, stick a finger in his/her butt.  That'll teach them.  You have my permission for that, not for the stab Mr. Criminal.  And take your car to someone who knows what they're doing, you working on your own car after this, just makes me think you'll be stranded on the side of the road again, and soon.
    If there's a lesson for my ones (someday you'll be thousands) of readers, put your money in a good bank that'll refund your money when things go wrong, they do, eventually.  If a cashier looks suspicious, like he has a pen and writes your credit card number down and puts it in their pocket, don't trust them.  Give him the two fingers thing pointing at your eyes and his and say "I'm looking at you."  That usually makes a bad guy change his ways.  No, but this kind of crap is going to happen in this day and age, don't let it ruin your day.  My wife turned into the Hulk, while I was trying to talk to the bank people she was systematically kicking holes in the wall between the studs.  Even though we get our money back, I now have to patch up 40 size 8 karate kicks all over the house.  Guess who really snaps into a Slim Jim!!!!??

1/8/15 I Thought This was My Body?

    Some bug/virus has commandeered my body for its own joy ride.  I feel them in my temples, around my eyes, like they want to look at the world outside and control where I go.  I feel them in my shoulders, making me have chills and force me to go under covers.  Oh and I feel them in my sphincter, using me as the ultimate waterslide, landing by the millions in the toilet for their own joyous amusement. 
    All we can do is try to keep up with my liquid intake, and keep my fever down with the white man's voodoo medicine.  Thank you ibuprofen and acetaminophen, although you yourself are not above killing me too if I over-consume you.  So I am left taking baby sips of water, laying under blankets, assuming my wife doesn't want to kill me, she keeps me pumped full of different meds.  I just assume I haven't pissed her off enough to take a medicinal stab at my liver. 
    To top it off, it is now Saturday afternoon, her car has been in the shop and we need to go get it so she can have her car back for Monday morning, so she can get to work.  I go through a mental list of things to do.  First, get out of bed, like a big boy.  Next, go poop, cause you will be away from your home base, and you try not to poop unless you are at home, specially when it's more of a spray than a solid.  Shower, and we are ready.... no, poop once more, shower again, now we're ready. 
    With the strength of a mighty sloth, I ferry myself into my car and away we go.  It is at these times, that we notice that the world is moving super fast, cars seem more reckless, people seem to be running in place, going from here to there.  All I do, is focus on getting to my destination, without taking enemy fire on the highway.  Wow, people drive scary fast, when you are trying not to move and doing it by force.
    We pick up my wife's car, and like the champion that I am, leave my wife there to fend for herself.  I promptly head back home to my cocoon of bedding and blankets.  I have no interest in the mall, or going to have lunch, just leave me alone, you all go on without me, I shall arise like a beautiful Monarch Butterfly, but today is not this day.  Today, I just want to cower and whimper under my blankets.  My body is still not under my control, and going out of the house was a sad mistake, which I will pay for overnight.
    By morning, I feel I am turning the corner, the chills are gone, I might have finally gotten the upper hand over these bugs in my system.  I remember I am a warrior, not a butterfly, I must feel my power, remember that I am man, not mouse, but first, to the shitter.... ah yes, solid floating poops, step in the right direction.  I shall overcome, I shall be victorious.... I shall be healthy enough to get my fat ass back to work, just in time.  Story of my life, take time off, get sick.  Awesome!!!

1/7/15 Can I Love My Night Light? (poem)

 I praise to thee for you are the light

if not for your emitted energy, we would live in night

I am a bit ashamed to admit I am scared of the dark

but worse when my son at 3am comes at me like a shark

He can't sleep, he hears noises

dammit son, I hear them too those freaking voices

maybe we should wake up your mom

but she'll make fun of me, she knows how to stay calm.

Instead, I turn on a lamp, maybe two or three

and distract my son telling him I gots to pee.

He takes his turn and we've been loud

Mom is awake now, I didn't say of my cunning i'd be proud.

She is much better at dealing with a scared little boy

after all, she's a mom, for her baby she will destroy.

I am calmer now, my lamp still on by my bed

my son asleep, I smile at the snoring killer I gladly did wed.

Tomorrow she'll take a crack at me for being a weenie

I'll just say hush it my dear and eat your panini.

Look at me, I'm twice your size

what could I possibly fear, but do go on please chastise.

she looks at me with suspision, this time lets it go

I just whimper at the sun for it has set again and we say bye to its orange glow

I hate these shorter days of winter, they test my manhood something fierce

come on 6:45am, come on sun let your fire through the dark pierce

Maybe this is why on nightshift I have stayed for nineteen years

if I'm awake at night I don't have to face my fears.

1/6/15 Get Thy Asses Back To School?

    Hip Hip Hazzah!  Hip Hip Hazzah!  As they used to say in times of old.  I am sitting here on a sunny Sunday afternoon, knowing my peeps will be heading back to school in the morning.  I go into the Christmas break thinking this will be a good time to do something different, to try new restaurants, but after fourteen days of seeing my progeny slowly deteriorating into cavemen, locked in their rooms with their new Christmas booty, I realize, they need the structure  of school to keep them in line.
    Chubs comes out after every other Pokémon episode he sees crying and heartbroken.  I vaguely remember those Pokémon episodes taking themselves way too seriously when I saw them ten years ago with Boy.  How are you supposed to react to the story of Cubone?  This particular Pokémon starts out with his mother but she dies running an errand, and the baby Cubone runs upon her remains and he keeps her skull as a helmet and one of her ribs as his main weapon. 
    That is a downer any way you put it.  But my boy is trying to explain this to me as I walk in from work, haven't even taken my shoes off, he's fighting tears from falling and my goofy ass wife laughs when she gets uncomfortable, so I was tearing up when I should be getting my dinner and just lightly chatting before watching my shows and heading back to work.
    Boy goes from ten hour tournaments in his room online to ten hour tournaments at a local card shop 2 miles from the house to going to his friends in San Marcos for ten hour tournaments face to face with them.  I shouldn't complain, but all these card games take up so much time, and he is constantly ordering newer "better" cards to ensure he is the best fighter.  I think he believes he is Ash from the Pokémon series, and he's "gotta catch em all".  He doesn't realize it's an expression to make him spend all his money on cards.
    At least it's money he has earned is the best I can tell my wife, and I'd rather he be pissing away the money on cards than having to buy diapers and milk for a baby.  So we continue the dance, he just left, me thinking he was starting classes was glad to say go.  But it dawned on me, as he got in his car, without any school supplies, he has another ten days before he starts school.  Which means he is just going to screw around for the next few days.  Oh well, at least we're not feeding him.
    Once again, school will save the day.  My younger boy will fall back into his routine, go to bed early, start learning, my wife will have a reason to get up before noon, and I'll be able to have the bed to myself, as I am used to.  It has been a good to great break.  We visited my folks, my in-laws, stopped at Buc-ee's about eight times coming and going.  I got me a night vision monocular to make me more of a pervert, that's right the dark won't protect you, I can see you changing in the dark.  Plus a couple new sweaters, and some cold hard cash, my favorite thing.  Life is good.

1/5/15 Lazy Is As Lazy Does?

    We've all been off from our normal routines the last couple weeks.  My wife and boys have not been at work and school in two weeks.  I worked more than normal last week, but this week I only worked one full night and three hours of the next night before deciding I should also be home not doing much of anything.
    Of course, four nights into not doing anything, we have found ourselves up until 5:30am watching TV, trying to catch up with our DVR, must say Once Upon A Time was dragging on with that whole ice business, glad they are moving on, although that Anna from the Frozen sequence was dopey cute. Not only are we all staying up until late at night, we are then getting up in the middle of the day.  Yesterday I got up at 4:30pm, can't do much with rest of the day when that is the starting point.  I guess, in turn, this agrees with my earlier blog when I brought up if you need something done, give it to a busy person.
    I find myself not wanting to do anything productive, but eating and laying in front of the TV.  This is why I won't take the two weeks off, I'd rather be off and go somewhere, than be home and just hang out indoors.  I guess it is productive in the sense we are giving our minds a little break, our bodies some extra time in bed, even the family unit has finally had some time to hang out and be one.  We even managed to go to a movie last night, saw the third installment of The Hobbit.  Honestly, it wasn't as good as any of The Lord Of The Rings, but it was still a good movie, and I'm sure we will end up buying the DVD when it comes out.
    Today we talked of going to the mall, but I didn't shower and get ready until 7:00pm.  We went to Academy for awhile and to Spec's to look for more fruit wines, I guess that's a thing.  We tried a blackberry wine a couple weeks ago and it was delicious, now I want to sample more.  Best we found was a wine made with cherries, it was very sweet and just had a hint of alcohol flavor.  We'll try the strawberry wine another night, along with the peach.  I don't care for the grape wines, they all taste the same to me.
    We then ate a Chipotle burrito and right back home to the sofa.  Saw Guardians Of The Galaxy and an episode of Bones and other stuff.  There was a brief thunderstorm and we lost power for a second, almost thought projector might have broken because it didn't want to work for about an hour.
    Whether we enjoy it or not, we'll be back to normal on monday, so we should just make the best of it, and do what makes us happy.  I will sleep until I get sore from being in bed.  My boys will watch TV and play games until their fingers go numb, and my wife will keep her busy beaver energy focused on us until she is back at work.  Hip Hip Hazzah indeed.

1/4/15 Does The Mall Call You Too?

    We just did all those resolutions a couple days ago, one of ours is to not spend so much.  But here we are, a couple days stuck at home, and with nothing better to do, I hear the murmur from the mall.  "Come walk my warm halls, enjoy my sales and perfumed aisles.  I might just have that thing you've always been looking for." 
    What are we to do, fight the urge, treat ourselves like prisoners, lock ourselves in our homes?  Run to visit family, I've seen them every other day it seems.  I'm one of few guys I know that enjoys going out to the mall.  And with this weather, and it getting dark so early forget the idea of going out for a walk.  Oh, and working nights, I just got up at 4:30pm, rare is when I can sleep in.
    So once I get to the mall, I'll be like a junkie, I promise I won't spend any money, I'll just look.  I don't need anything, just the smell of commerce is enough to give me a high.  But walking the mall is like a horn-dog going to a strip club, I'll give this girl some money, smell her, let her dance on me, feel her thighs in my hands, surely that won't leave me satisfied. 
    I need the full experience, really go in there, take my clothes off, try something new, that new clothes smell that just envelopes a dressing room, the intimacy you feel with the store when left alone, naked and vulnerable, while your partner is getting a bigger size, honestly is it ever a smaller size?  Now we're getting somewhere, now that we've gotten naked and friendly over here, let's go splay out on a bed, really, take your shoes off, try the firm setting on those air number beds, try the soft setting they insist your wife is going to sleep on. 
    Oh, my boys need a couple new sweaters, we'll go see our suit guy at the Men's Wearhouse, haven't been there in a couple months, he's been helping dress my son since he was in eighth grade.  Maybe he pushes a little more clothes on us, but he does it so my son looks sharp, and the Boy always looks good. 
    Lest we forget, we're in the middle of remodeling my son's room, he wanted an industrial look, and Sears had the perfect storage cabinets with diamond plated doors.  A couple of those and he swears this time his room will stay clean.  Why would he lie?  His room would be clean if he just had a little more storage room. 
    And of course, I need a new cold weather hat, it seems my two hats have been stolen or are hid somewhere that I just cannot figure out where.  This Longhorn only wears burnt orange, don't give me that song and dance that a hat is just to keep you warm.  Nay, a proper hat tells the world your affiliation, who you are really loyal to.  The colors you would paint your banner in the lands of old while riding on a horse in shining armor to protect house and home.  My wife acts as if she gets hit regularly with a mallet on the head when she suggests maroon, "Woman, those are A&M colors!!!!! Grrrrrr!!!!!!"  Someday, she'll realize the importance.
    But the mall does all this and more.  It adorns me in the proper colors of my lineage, it clothes my children in their proper outer skins, it even provides the comforts of home, to rest this weary body while awaiting my next conquest.  But above all, it gives me something to do when the weather is not perfect between 70-80 degrees outside, who wants to sweat or freeze?  Plus I can buy coffee cups shaped like boobs there and that is a marvel to behold.

1/3/15 Is This The Good Times?

    We went to my in-laws for New Year's Eve.  I was expecting revelry, a house full of family and lively discussions about nothing in particular.  Instead, we went to possibly the quietest "party" we have attended in some time.  My wife's sister and two kids were with her husband's family, her brother and the battallion of noisy kids were at his house entertaining his wife's family, so it was us, my wife's parents, her older sister, hubby and a cousin who was my classmate since kinder, so we go way back.
    The food was great, we had a brisquet, menudo, rice and beans, assorted pies and chips and dips.  We were just missing that spark, what makes a party feel like there is so much going on, you can't take it all in.  I offered Boy fireworks and he was unsure he wanted some, not because he is 20 and too old, he just said it was too cold to be outside.  Chubs wanted fireworks and even found a flyerwith pictures.  Here, get me some of these, and some of those, although he wasn't going to go, because he was warm inside the house, and didn't want to put his jacket on.  I talked Boy into going with me, for the younger one's sake.  But then, we just got $40 worth of fireworks, usually it's over $250 and usually the brother in law and nephews are also buying so we can all be out on the street.  Chubs got an assortment of smoke balls and crackling smoke balls, along with about 18 tanks.  There was a sale on those, and he only asked for that.  One of the guys at the stand tried talking me into a $75 box, he'd throw in a $5 discount, but it didn't seem like fun, knowing we'd have to be outside until we popped everything in the box.  I said no thanks.
    Back home, we ate, it was good, then we actually sat and watched ball drop in New York, we've never really done that,  but nothing else was going on.  Wife eventually got up, we opened champagne, and sparkling grape for kids, and put on goofy hats and readied with our handheld poppers.  Happy New Year's right on schedule, pop, pop, pop, drink drink, eat some black eyed peas for luck, and onto the phones to say the same to our loved ones not present.
    Everything was fine, I can't complain about anything, but when you expect a party, and are met with more of a gathering, you can't help but feel a little cheated.  As everybody loves to say, you have your health, quit bitching, but ehh, I still feel like I was tricked somehow.  Maybe next year we'll try New Year's Eve elsewhere, we've had parties in our house, maybe go down to my folks, although I'm still recuperating from the last visit, I don't know.  Stupid TV gives us these idealized visions, where everything is just great, reality doesn't even come with that good of a soundtrack, let alone good lighting or retakes when you spill your drink or fart at inopportune times.
    Boy stunned me, I was thinking he was bored out of his mind, at a certain point I said this kinda sucks, he just said "it's cool Dad, tomorrow we can still go to Bass Pro Shops on our way back home."  Maybe that Boy of mine is already a better human than me, he found the silver lining quicker than me this time.