We started watching Warrior Nun on Netflix last night, it is very good, but in a certain scene a man becomes possessed by a demon and when asked after the demon is removed how it felt, the man described it as feeling like he was a spectator in his own life, he could see the action but not control it. This is a feeling I have felt many times I stopped the show to talk with Wife. I think we all get some of this. Before corona came and stopped us in our tracks, I felt like it was always wake up, go pick up the kids from school, feed them, go to work, come home, sleep and repeat. After a while, it all becomes a blur, I might get to work and think about it realizing I was not asleep or sleepy, but just out of it, not thinking. I can't even remember doing the U-turn at Ben White at Montopolis sometimes and I know while doing it I am always disgusted because fucking bums live there regularly.
This reminded me of a story I always think back to. Back when I was at the junior college, I would drive the bus that would take the students back and forth between our hometown and to the school, 40 miles away. I did fine for a whole year, never an incident, but many times, on the drive back I would be driving mostly on will. There was a day towards the end of the year, probably in May where one of my buddies tells me as he is getting off the bus "damn, I had a good nap." I turned to him and seriously I responded "me too." His eyes got big and just said "but you were driving." I shrugged and just said "I don't know", I honestly did not remember the drive.
This is the one thing I keep saying I love about the virus. Most of us have gotten a chance to get off this auto pilot we seem to run on all the time. I don't necessarily enjoy being home on lockdown, but I do enjoy the time being here with my boys, Wife and I have had a lot of time to just sit and talk and enjoy watching movies and being a couple. I guess for us it is extra nice because normally she would be gone all week working in La Pryor, but up until now, even when she has worked, it has only been on site on Tuesday and Thursday.
In our efforts to not only keep up with the Jones but attempt to surpass them, we very often get trapped and all we do is move forward. The first time we went to Disney with my in-laws and this was a vacation, everyone got mad at me because we spent about half an hour at the entrance taking pictures. In my drive to get through the park and see everything, I guess I forgot that the fun is in the being there with loved ones. I was on the verge of losing my shit because they would not start walking forward. It may have been the first park and I was quickly doing the math and figuring "these fools aren't going to see half of the smallest park at this rate of walking, but they were just excited about arriving at their first park. We had already been there 3-4 previous years so it wasn't "new" to us. After apologizing for being rude, the rest of the trip was better, I just consigned to let them go at their pace, I had already seen most everything in the parks the years before.
No comments:
Post a Comment