Monday, May 21, 2018

5/21/18 Avengers: Infinity War? (spoilers galore!)

    I knew against my better judgment to go watch it, but my mom said it would be worth it because it was funny.  I would rather have BBQ'd but then Javalina started whining like a little shit, so here we go on a Saturday night.  There was nothing really enjoyable about the movie other than the cool scene of making a new hammer for Thor with the real life little person Peter Dinklage being a giant.
    Right off the bat it sucked in the first five minutes they kill Loki while heroically trying to do the right thing, for once.  Then Hulk appears because he is on the ship, attempts to fight Thanos but Thanos kicks the shit out of him and manages to scare Hulk into coming back out the rest of the movie.  They killed all the people from Asgaard that they had saved on that ship in the last Thor movie except Thor and Hulk.  So then what was the point of the Thor movie, just kill his sister?
    Thanos starts collecting the stones about as easily as a bully would take a dollar from any kid.  When he needs to sacrifice a loved one its like he raised Gamora for exactly that purpose because he claimed he loved her but tossed her down the cliff without much remorse.  Dr. Strange acts like a badass who cannot give up his infinity stone, but then does so pretty easily to save Iron Man.
    Then it gets ridiculous, once you can reverse time, movies should cease to be.  For all the efforts of Vision to keep the stone from getting onto Thanos's glove and the supreme sacrifice of the one you love having to kill you,  only to have Thanos reverse time, bring Vision back into existence with the stone intact, he rips it off his head, violently and completes the glove.
    There is a fight, in Wakanda, we just discovered it existed and now two wars on its soil back to back.The alien forces were lizard like creatures.  Fine, they are bad ass looking and hungry for war, but what do they do in their spaceships, with all the technology required to fly safely, but yet land and provide complete mayhem.  They would be dying to destroy the ship from the inside out.  What do they do to relax, play checkers?  Maybe they put on their little reading glasses and play chess hissing "I'm getting too old for this shit."
    The end is just heartbreaking, there is no honor of dying in battle, just an ashy silhouette breaking apart in the wind of half the living beings as Thanos proposed earlier.  It sucked watching half the people fighting disappear, but then also teen Groot, Drax, stupid Star-Lord, and the most painful to watch Spider-Boy.  It hurt to watch him disappear because he is a kid amongst men, he really hasn't lived, and only got involved because he tried to do the right thing.  So how does Thanos celebrate after accomplishing his goal, eliminating half the beings in the universe?  By sitting outside some shitty shack on a stool and just watching out on a pretty scenery.  My brother was pissed he didn't have a cup of tea or coffee, with a little "nothing tastes better than mass genocide in the morning."
    As emotional as I tend to be and movies make me cry like a little bitch, I didn't even react, it falls on the too much killing to care.  Something like that quote I've seen 1 death is an atrocity, 1,000,000 deaths is a headline.  But then my mom and brother start talking about some new super hero chick coming and she will reverse time, at least for the worthy heroes.  I call so much BS because once you can do this, just reverse time every time you don't get your way.  I'm sorry, but like X-Men, I have lost interest, they have disrespected death.  You can't mass kill everyone as a distraction to bring out a new super heroine, that's just shitty and weak writing.  I'm out, at least until they make up for this travesty of a fucking fart show.

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