2/17/15 Touch Me And I'll Burn Ya?

    I am the toughest little mofo you ever did meet.  Born of wood, in a low oxygen environment, I shall feel no pain.  My job is but one, to burn hotter, cleaner, longer than any propane can ever tried.  I come with 1000 of my brothers all in a bag, we will die in the service of providing heat and an atmosphere you will reflect upon one day and I do swear I shall be remembered as one of the better "good times".  I feel my time is not long on this earth.  Although I have realized my job is to die for your needs, when the time comes, are we ready?  We prepare in this line of business, but it is still a mess to go into that dark chamber.  Uh-oh, time....
    Chop Chop, get in that grill men!, Form the pyramid of death, so that we all burn and die with honor!!!  Don't you dare try to be a coward, rolling off the grill to die a coward's death in the green vegetation our master has meticulously grown for his enjoyment.
    Now that we are assembled, let's hold hands, come in tight, there is no escape from the inevitable.  We all hear the knife cutting going on with the cutting board, we hear the laughter, the game in the background.  Our time to show our mettle is upon us, bathe in the liquid designed to take us to the peak of our prime.  For one glorious hour, we all shall shine with the intensity of the sun.  Let this be magical, for I have heard tales that flakes of metal fall onto our presence and we may see hews of green among our blue and gold flames.  I hear the spark, prepapre to come alive, because it is only when we are at the precipice of our death that we truly realize how alive we are, Aaagghhhhhh!!!!!
    Wow, all the preparation is not enough for nothing is ever as intense as my whole body lit aflame.  As I sit here like an angry sun, peeling of the layers, slowly turning to ash, I see above me, that my life has not been in vain.  I am burning mighty cow.  I may already be dead and reaching nirvana, but I am aware that my life was not in vain, for I cooked the meal of Texas Kings.  I was given the opportunity to prepare cow meats for these important men folk.  Had my life been taken for some corn on the cobs for some vegetarian hippies, my life might have felt a waste, but no.  This was a feast for the ages, I smell the richness of chicken, and swine as well.  I only hope our name lives in infamy, may we be remembered for our service.  I am not merely a charcoal briquette, I am Kingsford charcoal, the best charcoal money can buy.  Is your meal worth me?