A hemorrhoid by any other name is still a pain in the ass,
simply composed of veins that swell in that hole where you pass gas.
You can cry and beg your god, while you sit there in mass
most everybody will get them, they're not from lack of class.
They are itchy, painful, and can ruin your day
maybe you can learn to shift from cheek to cheek, a gentle sway
if you do it right, this will gently massage
but if you get too agressive one will develop an entourage
Once you get a bunch, they are referred to as "piles"
if avoiding military service was a goal back in days of the draft, this was enough for smiles.
But seriously, they can be avoided by learning a couple of tricks,
the easiest one, in your backdoor no more cornholing or dicks.
Another easy solution is to eat more fiber
this allows the poop to move along and not attack like a colon tiger.
And no more of that ridiculous sitting and pushing with all your might
your stinky brown goo will move out when the time is right.
Drink plenty of water, it'll help keep things moving
or your sphincter a hard crap will find disapproving.
And of course, reduce your stress
with your colon you are playing a game of chess
Treat it right and the god's may even bless
but be an idiot, ignore my advice, and end up a bloody mess.
Hahaha!!
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