4/3/15 Where Do Cascarones Come From?

    I just spent the better part of the last ten years researching this question.  I've traveled to the four corners of the planet, by plane, boat, car, goat, one time a lady carried me in a wheelbarrow for a little bit... But at last, I have solved the age old question, Cascarones were the fourth gift brought to Jesus by the Four Wise Men.  Arnulfo, the fourth Wise Man was removed, because, well Arnulfo don't sound wise in the Good Book.  He brought along assorted games, one was cascarones.  Whereby you take the shell of some flying beast, decorate it, fill it with shiny material and then bash in a loved ones head with it.  He also brought Jesus his one true pet, a rabbit, named Hops.  Jesus grew up and sure myrrh and frankincense and the other thing were important, but he loved his cascarones.  Hops and big J would spend half the year killing any flying baby creature, chickens, dodos, ostriches for their shells.  The decorations were ornate.  He is the reason dodos went extinct, I think.  They have only recently been discovered, carbon dating puts them at approximately the right age.  If you know the right people, there is a collection at the Smithsonian, they can be seen there.
    You will not want to believe me, but I also discovered what JC was doing all those years he disappears from the Good Book, ages 12 to 30.  He joined an elite group of teens who tried to turn Cascarones- The Game, into the soccer of its times.  He was tremendous, what with his ability to run on water and get whole opposing teams drunk before a contest by converting their jugs of water into wine.  Plus he only needed a small piece of sandwich and he always could miraculously feed his whole group, so they traveled light.  Of course, Hops would run the course with him, JC felt luckier with Hops around and there were no rules of who could be on the battlefield.
    Slowly, Jesus became a man on those fields.  Before he knew it, he had invented a look, the Hipster look, scraggly beard, unkempt hair, weighing about 120lbs, who spent his days playing games and nights decorating his shells.  At thirty, he finally got the battle he was looking for, against the gods of Greece.  That would change the rest of his life, and he would eventually lose the one friend he had with him since birth.  It was this death that made him retire, the game was cancelled, and until recently had been banned for 2000 years.  He went back to complete his destiny, although he was Jesus, he knew it would be rough.