I have never liked the slasher type movie. I always consider them entertainment for low IQ people, I mean who enjoys the idea of paying $7-10 for a movie only to be scared and creepy images to be implanted in your head? There seems to be no value for mankind in those movies. Take a Star Wars movie and you have heroes to cheer for, or to cry for when they sacrifice themselves, or a Lord Of The Rings where man has to search for his inner strength and abolish evil or lose everything. There is something worth fighting and dying, but a freaking Friday the 13th movie? Poor Jason, his mother abused him, now he is going to kill and kill and kill. When you think you stopped him, no he kills some more. For what purpose? Ughhh, I stopped watching, looking for a purpose in high school, even though Wife kind of liked them, just saying.
Cabin In The Woods starts as a typical summer slasher movie. Round up a good looking group of 18 year olds, hopefully some boobs fly around on screen before they are killed. Put them in an isolated location, so nobody can hear them scream. They even got an old scary guy foreshadowing their demise when they stop for gas at what appears like an abandoned gas station. One of the kids has an uncle who lends them the cabin, when they are choosing rooms, they notice it a little creepy, when one of the bedrooms is found to have a see through mirror. We are teased with one of the girls having to check out her boobs, she lifts her shirt and the quiet creepier guy has to decide whether he will enjoy the view or be a good guy. He pusses out and acts like a good guy, stopping her from undressing completely. At this point, we don't know if one of the kids is the killer or what is going to happen. There is some horseplay in the lake by the cabin, then they are all inside as it gets dark and they start playing truth or dare. Probably the best scene for me is the slutty girl making out in the truth or dare game with a wolf face hung on the wall. At this point, we keep changing between the kids and a couple guys the appear to be working for NASA or something very secure and secret. Those men start getting more involved and somehow what they are doing is affecting the kids, they pop open a basement door, and the teens can't help themselves. They dare one to go down and before you know it, they are all down there. They don't know it, but this has sealed their fate, whatever items they mess with, will determine how they will die. The guys in the secret NASA building take bets kind of coldly as to which scenario will win, one of the main guys keeps wishing for Mermen, the other says "they make a hell of a mess though". The teens end up reading a diary and it is about a farm girl who was abused and kill by her family and this is who shows up to kill them.
This all makes the typical slasher movie different, the kids get picked off in similar fashion, when they decide they are going to stay together, the guys in control spray pheromones and testosterone to different people to make them braver or whatever they need to happen. When it looks like they have succeeded and killed the necessary teens and they are celebrating, they get a call that the "stoner" survived and is trying to find the others. Because he smokes so much weed, the pheromones don't work on him, so he is a loose canon. He finds an elevator and the girl and they are now in the "NASA" building where the guys work. They need to be killed and it is at this point that it starts making sense why. The five teens are chosen almost randomly as sacrifice to the gods who happen to be real. They are kept in a slumber underground and as long as they sacrifice the five archetypes yearly, the gods stay appeased. By surviving, the stoner ruins everything and now all of security is on "kill on site" mode, but they end up in a small control room which allows the different "monsters" to be moved and released into the hallway in front of them. Security guys keep showing up and they instantly get killed by different monsters. They stoner and the virgin make their way to the main control room and everyone is being attacked by out of control monsters. In a bit of irony, the guy that always roots and bets on the merman gets attacked and killed by the merman, a giant plume of blood shoots out a blowhole through the back of the merman to show the mess he makes.
Eventually, the two teens make their way to a lower level and the director, played by Sigourney Weaver comes out and explains about the gods and that the virgin must kill the stoner to save the world. She almost does it, but she can't kill her friend. Sigourney is taken out by one last random monster and the two teens sit on some stairs waiting for the end of the world. In the final scene, the camera pans out and we see a huge palm of one of the gods coming up from somewhere underground to commence with the ending of the world, as per the agreement with them.
Great story idea, because the deaths were not just to kill teens, but to actually save mankind. This makes their deaths heroic. Using the monsters as entertainment for us, well, if they have to die, let them believe they have some control over how, even if they don't know they are choosing.
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