2/4/20 Felt Like Rudolph Before the Red Nose Is Exposed?

    If I could fly like Rudolph did when he finds out the little girl reindeer thinks he's cute, I would.  Leading up to the practice Sunday afternoon was tense and stressful for me.  I kept thinking "dammit, I screwed up eating beans last night, my weak ass is going to fart and embarrass me in front of all these people."  I find it terrifying to go into a brand new environment and have to meet new people.  Luckily, Wife and Javalina walked in with me, something akin to being the little kid getting dropped off for the first time in daycare, "but mommy, they're all going to laugh at me..." as I held on tight to her leg.
    I got past the nerves by focusing on getting my sax out and setting it up along with my new music stand.  The guy that recruited me from the Casual Male store saw me and thanked me for showing up.  I just told him I was a little nervous and hadn't learned all the music.  He said that was fine, this is all about having fun.  At this point, everyone was warming up, I heard flutes and violins going up and down the scales, and I felt like "am I even good enough to be here?"  Not because I couldn't play but because I always played bari sax and alto is a whole different animal.  Bari sax plays the low notes, the background stuff.  With the alto sax, it is just a matter of time before I am playing the lead melody.
    It did not take long, on the first song "My Girl", the conductor stopped and pointed me out to play the lead melody and I hit it pretty solid.  Lucky for me, this was a pretty easy song to follow on paper.  The recruit guy and the other clarinet looked over at me and said "yeah, you are good, this is going to be great."  Then he also added, that saxophone sounds real good, mine does not have that clear of a tone."  That is the kind of compliments I eat up with the big spoon, I love being told I am good.  I did not go through all seven pieces of music, it was a lot, but I was able to fumble along the other pieces and felt like I accomplished something.
    Afterwards, I had other people come up and say welcome to the group and one lady introduced herself and said I sounded real good, and it was going to be nice having a saxophone who can hold himself up and be heard.  I told her I had just picked up the saxophone last night and had not played in thirty years, she was impressed and just left saying wow, that is amazing.  I was honestly impressed with myself, I did not expect for it all to come back so fast.  I honestly felt like I belonged right away.  I have always been quietly a band dork and I think I have found my group.
    In the car on the way back, I wanted to hear Javalina's opinion and he was as frigid as always.  I said "so, admit it, you were impressed with my playing." he just said "well, you are always saying you were good, so I kind of figured you would be, so yeah,  you are alright."