I had a discussion with my wife tonight. It concerned a friend we've known about 18 years. This person is a decent person, there were times we were inseparable, then of course we moved and that always affects friendships. Regardless, she has a habit of contacting my wife via text, acts interested "how's it going?" "what have you all been up to?" "where'd you get that purse?", then once my wife is reeled in, really starts putting energy into communicating, the other person losses interest, WTF!?!? Usually, a couple days later, she'll respond, Oh, I'm sorry, I fell asleep. My wife says coworkers do this to her too. I don't have the problem too much, because I usually pipe up with a "Hey, if you're gonna text me, be a freaking human and say TTYL if we are done." And other things to facilitate smoother transactions. but my mom will do this too, "oh, sorry, I was at the store, or oh, your brother called..." What can you say to Mama, "Okay..."
Her niece, who has pretty much grown up with us, has had a big 50inch TV by our front door, it's a big projector type, so it's a huge box, she doesn't have a truck is her #1 excuse, but she also doesn't seem in a hurry to get it either, except it bothers my wife because it takes up so much space. It doesn't bother me so much, but I don't want it there indefinitely either.
I guess once you break through the barriers of formality and start calling yourselves friends, you become part of the background noise. The person knows they have your attention and they don't have to impress you to keep you around. I don't know that this is great but I certainly try to give people my attention when they seek me out. Although...
When I first started texting I was a little guilty of it too, a couple times the wife and I would be in the middle of sexy time and my phone would ring. My wife would glare at me and give me a "don't!" I couldn't control myself, I'd roll off and reach for it like I was falling on a grenade. My wife was never impressed with my consideration for others during these times. But again, another example of putting on our best face for others.
My argument with my coworker of a couple days ago, I was not done the next day explaining my position to her about who is a good parent and her statement was why not just let it go? I said no, we are past the generic formalities, I never cared about hello and how's the weather? I want to have real conversations with you, so you need to understand where I am coming from and for that, we must track through some mud, disagree, but come out the other side still friends. I love this friend, she brings me cookies and, when I'm lucky, homemade german chocolate cake.
I guess it should be worn as a badge of honor to be treated a little second rate, although that seems strange. Next time while introducing yourself to someone new, think about the formal "nice to meet you" and the big cheesy fake smile, compared to family who you don't even hesitate with a "look at my boil on my back, will you pop it for me." It is with those we love who we drop our pretentions and thus "keep it real".
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