I really love the Christmas holidays truth be told
I always have since I was about two and a half years old.
But I have come to realize a new dilemma
Sit back listen and behold.
Santa's a pervert, I wish I was him
Who else gets to do what he does and with such vim?*
Try sitting at the mall, preferably by Victoria's Secret
and call out Ho Ho Ho and see if you don't get a ticket.
He is judge, jury, and executioner to the masses
if he likes you, rich rewards abound, if not watch your sorry asses.
His hobby in the fall apparently is to watch you when you're sleeping
seems to me the old codger is excusing some serious peeping.
All in good sport he'll say for his list to determine
Are you naughty or nice, he is very discerning.
One night a year he gets to go through your house
and no one better be stirring don't bother Mr. Claus.
Sure he'll leave toys and maybe even some extras
For example, has he ever left your spouse a nice see through blouse?
And don't forget that whole business of sitting on his lap to tell him what you want
I once tried this with my neighbor's college daughter and got smacked around by her aunt.
But he's got a sack full of bounty and a big candy cane,
We'll see who's shaking like a bowl full of jelly as he asserts again Ho again!
We'll see who's shaking like a bowl full of jelly as he asserts again Ho again!
Just leave a door open at night he'll come eat your cookie
Merry Christmas to all but beware, I know that fat man, he is always looking for nookie.
*vim-enthusiasm, definition of the day
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