This comes from a heated argument I was having with a coworker who I had never argued with before. My point was that my son's little girlfriend was gonna get a dose of shit from Mama and Daddy because she spun out saying he was a bad person who was using his ex-girlfriend. I took this personally because above everything I don't want to bring pain or discomfort to anyone for no reason, and that extends to the boys I am raising. I have always told him "don't waste a girl's time, if you are not interested, let her be so she can go find what she is looking for."
My coworker said that the two things are unrelated, You can be the best parents and your kid still turn out badly. I could and cannot wrap my head around that thought. To me, I can't call myself a good parent if my kids are out there raising hell, breaking into other people's property, or doing drugs. There was a point when my older son was in eighth grade and we were going to my folks, like a three hour drive. Texting had just taken off and my boy was big time distracted. I think I was offering to stop at a gas station and was asking him stuff, he was as rude as he has ever been with me, maybe there had been a new boy or two coming around and he thought talking like a smart ass to me would be a good idea. Plus I had been feeling like I was losing my sway over him. I spazzed out, and nobody spazzes better than me, I hit the brakes, car slid sideways into parking lot, I jumped out of the car, took his phone from his hand and smashed it on the ground. I remember him yelling nooooo, on his knees trying to gather the pieces. I yelled at him for five or ten minutes about how "I don't give a shit how bad ass you think you are and your new piece of shit friends, I fucking make the air you breath and I make the sun come up for you, you will not become some piece of shit nothing that does whatever you think you want to do. Anything you have and anything you are is because of me, you had better square up and march in step boy." I love my boy, nobody is ever going to influence him in a way I don't agree with.
He stopped hanging with those kids, and his behavior came back to normal. I probably got him a new phone within the month, reminding him I don't have a problem busting that one as well. Some would call this passion, some would call it child abuse, I didn't hit him, just yelled, but I believe it made a difference. It was a point in his life when he could've turned on us, I felt.
It has been a long time since I have had to be dramatic with him, I think we are past the worst of the teen years until our second boy starts up. First son was skinny and lightweight, if I had to I could control him with one arm, my second boy is a hunk of ham. He will probably be taller than me by junior high, just thick and built like a fridge, it's gonna be interesting if he ends up wanting to "wrassle".
I don't know, I'll keep trying to stay on top of their behavior, maybe someday I'll believe that coffee mug, it says "I'm the World's Greatest Dad".
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