Today, I am reduced to mere mortal in my son's eyes. For the first time, ever, I was late to pick up Chubs. There was one other time, but that was Mama's fault, she was supposed to get him that time. I think Boy set me up to fail. He came in the room just as I was rustling awake. My phone alarm went off, in my head, I said I'll snooze, then get up. I opened my eyes and there's Creepy, staring at me as I sleep. I snap or whimper, "what?", he comes back with going to lunch, be back later. My thought was "cool, I got $20, now me and Chubs can eat Bill Miller. My new bank card is still not in (read "I Was Burgled").
I turned over, freaking cold day, my wife is sure we'll get out of credit debt by not running heater, specially when she's at work. House is super cold, bed is very warm, thanks to this 350lb nugget. For a sec, I'm vaguely thinking snooze is gonna go off any second now. You can never get that comfortable once you're waiting on it. But I got very comfortable, it never rang. I then opened my eyes, and thought hmm. Followed by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.... (there were plenty more). I grabbed the first shorts, usually I match my underwear to the mood I'm feeling, then I meditate on my day, read some inspirational thoughts, no. I look at porn, I'm a guy. I didn't even pee. I ran to the school, jumped off and there is Chubs, face plastered to the window, you can see him from across the street. He was heartbroken. already had the broom in hand, figuring he was gonna live the rest of his days on campus. He could survive on the vegetable garden they are growing, entertain himself in the library, sleep on the nurses cot.
He gave me a side look, "you owe me one Dad", uhhh, I hate when my kids guilt me. I just agreed, "you're right". I signed him out, like a library book, and we left. I still haven't pee'd, my bladder is full, my eyes still have all that schmook you're supposed to wash off, mouth smells like hell. And of course, now my phone has gone off three times, I have texts starting with WTH!! from Mama, like I'm a freaking junkie who does this all the time. I ignore her, and proceed to have one of the best pee sessions ever at Bill Miller, it was held in for way too long. Now I can tolerate the punches in the ear from Mama Bear. I apologize to her, explain I already apologized to him, you want an apology, "SORRY". I bought a caseload just for this occasion.
We ate at Bill Miller, he got over it. Wife is still discussing it with me, five hours later. Moral of the story, don't go through life being dependable and trustworthy, because then when you screw up one time, people act like the sky is falling. Get them used to being a half-ass, then people will just say, ehh, he tries his best, what are ya gonna do? Much easier life that way.
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