I come from a small town, I know the howl of a narrow mind very well. Whether it's from my brother who does such a good job imitating the ignorant masses, he might have become a part of them, to the actual Simpletons that make up the bigger populations out there.
I had to go meet Wife halfway to Bastrop from Austin, and the people there all seemed out of this world. The lady in front of me in line apparently had never been in a McDonald's, took her as long to order as it did my Wife to run to the bathroom and back. She didn't order for a baseball team either, just for herself. Before we got off the truck, I parked next to a random car with tinted glass. The guys appeared to just be sitting there, with the windows rolled up, I didn't notice them until I turned off the truck. I thought great, I'll open door, they'll mug me. Just then a van with also dark tinted windows pulled up on other side, I immediately told Chubs not to get off, were they waiting for him to open door and then try to kidnap him. The van was parked in the In coming lane, as we were on the edge of the parking lot. Even Chubs thought it was weird the way he parked. Just then Wife parked on the other side of the suspicious car and started waving us to hurry, oblivious to our Mexican standoff. I said "fuck it", jumped off cussing like I had been punched, went around told Chubs to get off and move, not to think about it, and I grabbed him and yanked him towards the door. Nobody's kidnapping a 200lb Chubs with momentum headed to the building. At that point, I noticed an idiot get off the passenger door and the van left, so I guess he was just giving someone a ride.
The stupidest one was an old man drove in on a big pick-up truck. Although there was enough space for two cars on the passenger side of Wife's car, he managed to park about 10 inches from the car. I told Wife to just honk the horn, let him know we're watching. My little Chihuahua runs outside yelling you're gonna scratch my car, she's been working in a small town too long, her ghetto is showing. The old lady riding passenger started cussing about stupid shit this and you don't have to honk that. She came back in heated but satisfied. Five minutes later, the old man was repeating the procedure of shrinking himself by walking sideways. This time we were done eating, so I said let's go outside, see if he scratched anything. I walked out in front, just staring at the truck, ignoring the lady who was in my path, she was guiding him out. Instead of cussing at me, she started with he's deaf, he can't speak too good, almost apologizing, and hurrying to get in the truck and leaving.
The suspicious guys were still in the car, as I jumped into my truck, but Wifey decided to clean out her trunk, getting Chub's backpack out, then rummaging through a big box of hers, I can't leave, with the two idiots sitting in the black car waiting for who knows what? Finally, she got her ass in gear, and I could finally head back to the city.
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