2/8/21 Violence Has Crept Into My House!?!?

     I was left shell shocked, it was the first time I have ever been struck by another human and No Sir, I Did Not Like It.  My arm was left bruised and I lost all sensation for what seemed like hours.  Still today, I can see the purple fingerprints of her swatting hand imprinted on my soft human skin.  I now know the feeling of betrayal, how the bullied feel when the bully shows up, even a touch of PTSD, I might need counseling.

    Turns out Wife has a short fuse and she ain't playing around.  I was working diligently on our bills making sure I didn't forget anything.  She, in her own world and obsessed with what is important to her demanded my attention.  I was working with bead sweat on my forehead, with my little green bankers visor I wear when doing bills and because I wasn't fast enough to give her my full attention, the wrath of God himself came falling down on me.  For a second, I didn't know if I was catatonic in a nightmare or if I had finally cashed in all my chips and died sitting there on the chair.  It happened so fast and so unexpectedly, I never had a chance to respond.  I have never been a violent man, never lifted a finger against my Wife, but there she was in full alpha display, putting me in my place and teaching me what fear is all about.

    I looked at her with tears in my eyes and asked a whimpering "why?  Oh why would you do that?"  I am but a little boy doing the best I can with the few faculties our fine Lord has allowed me.  Have I failed you my steward, have I displeased you in some way?  With Hell in her eyes, she did not back down, this is a tidal change and I now fear even breathing too deeply around her, for she might strike again.  Once a beast has been released, can it be brought back under control?

    Truth is, I was being a dick, as you all had already guessed because Wife is good people.  I was trying to get some paperwork in order because we are trying to refinance our house and she was wanting me to double check that she was asking Boy (he has a bad habit of using my credit card on Amazon to order stuff, so I wanted her to ask him for the money via Paypal) for the right amount.  In normal fashion, I responded in a huff because me saying $158 2-3 times should be enough, why do I have to then look at her phone?  I think I finally got under her skin and she swatted me like I had a mosquito on my arm, I laughed inside but of course I acted like she had just stabbed me and I have been acting hurt now for a day and a half.  I guess that's how I learn, sometimes a "chingaso" fixes all.

2/7/21 Trying To Look At Model Homes?

     Yesterday, Wife and I went for a drive because the day was nice.  My plan was to head up north, maybe go to Bass Pro Shops or Ikea just to walk around.  As soon as we got on I-35, we were caught in gridlock, it took about five minutes to move a block so of course, I got all pissed and turned back.  We were then stuck in South Austin, so I thought maybe to head towards the Bee Caves/lake area.  While headed that way, I started seeing signs for home communities and I do like looking at model homes, so I followed them towards Dripping Springs.  We took a turn at Nutty Brown Road and then we were on the road that takes you to Salt Lick.  Before we got there, we got to where the signs for Village Builders were pointing, Parten.  This is another one of those beautiful master planned communities with large lots and houses starting in the $600,000.

    The only problem is that we are living in a pandemic and things just aren't the same.  Used to be, we could just drive up and walk through model homes with or without talking to the realtors.  Yesterday, the houses all had signs that we were supposed to call to schedule an appointment to walk through.  This just sounded like a pain in the ass.  While I was standing there typing in the phone number and making a text asking for permission Wife jiggled the front door and saw that it was open (the office is usually the garage with an office door).  We walked in, I was half expecting some uppity whit lady to come and tell us to Scoot! and get out of there, but nobody came.  Wife saw a bathroom with half a toilet roll hanging and proceeded to use it.  They usually don't allow the model homes to be used that way, but I just kept walking and looking.  The house was stunning, DD then at night was saying they installed all the doors, including the triple sliding doors that open the back patio to the inside.  The bedrooms were not especially big or anything, but the living space was very nice with ceilings maybe 10-11ft high.  We are also in "winter" but the grass was strikingly green, like a golf course, I was even thinking it might be artificial.  The house prices for two that are ready to sell and built are in the $800k range, so it isn't cheap to live there.

    We were not able to get into the other two model homes, but it is definitely a community that I would love to live at if it wasn't so far from the city and it wasn't so expensive.  There is no way for bums and that element to hang out over there, it is too far out in the middle of nowhere, I do love that but I also like being efficient and close to work.

2/6/21 Should We Vacation During Spring Break?

     Baby A is really a different animal.  Wife was trying to get all hyped up last night on the way back from visiting my folks.  It is a three hour drive and she was trying to get our son excited about doing something for the upcoming Spring Break in March, next month.  Wife just got her Covid-19 shot, I had Covid, so there isn't a big fear for us in getting it, we figure we can get Mijo vaccinated this month.  Wife suggested since we bought those kayaks that we could try to go fishing, maybe even buy a big tent or maybe even two tents and we can go camping and our son can bring some friends and they can sleep in the second tent.  Mijo was like "wait wait wait, why do we have to stay in a tent, that doesn't sound like fun, I mean it might be hot or cold, I need electricity and internet..."  Knowing he wasn't into it, I had to add "come on, so you can experience what it's like for all the bums living in tents, maybe we can set up somewhere under Ben White Blvd."  My son's face was having none of that.

    He then brought up "why would I want to leave my house with all my stuff, like my bed, my room with my video games, a bathroom to poop, my shower..."  This boy does not want to be inconvenienced at all.  I think he is infectious because I then spent a bit looking at hotels to stay at and couldn't help but think "why do I want to pay $200 a night to sleep away from home, piss away $1000 on hotels when we could stay at home and spend half of that money on some really good steaks and just cook them at home.  We could go to the area lakes during the day and be home by night.  We could even run to the SA Zoo or stuff like that and be home by night."  I loved having an RV and parking that in Corpus Christi a few years ago when we were living that life, but now that we don't even own a truck, I can't imagine that life anymore.

    Part of this is of course Covid-19 has us all living and thinking differently, it used to be I loved being out of the house, now we just accept it as our fortress of solitude and safety.  It used to be we were at the mall weekly, and the idea of discovering a new mall was always a new and fun thing to do, now I think we've been to the mall twice in the past year and I believe I have broken my love for being out amongst all the people and stuff we don't really need.  I don't know how we are going to get the economy going again and getting regular Americans to spend like we used to after Covid-19 goes away, if it ever does.  I kind of see the mall as a little frivolous and wasteful.  

    I don't know, maybe in the coming weeks Wife manages to get us excited and we end up renting a hotel just because.  Mijo did say he enjoyed the last time we went to Houston, when Wife had a conference and he and I slept in and we were just lazy in the room.  He was suggesting we go back to that hotel and stay like we did, so we could see Houston a bit and get out of the house, but not loose any of the comforts that he needs, like indoor plumbing, snacks and a pool.

2/5/21 Visiting My Folks On A Friday?

     Yesterday got away from me, I never got a chance to sit and write anything because the day was just too fast.  Normally, if I know we are going to travel, I might write a couple of extra blogs ahead of time so I can relax while away from home.  Being that I worked Thursday night and then Wife was here for a training, I got home from work and was instantly pulled into her world, you know women, "sit with me and love me..." I joke, I love the times we share but it takes me away from my routines.

    We had discussed that because she was here for trainings (she was renewing her CDL license) but had to go to the office on Friday, Mijo and I should go with her to visit my folks.  I double checked with my mom to see if it would be okay since I had Covid a few weeks ago and my peeps have been overly reactive to fears of getting it, it makes sense, but it also makes it hard to visit.  Mom said "sure, come on down", so after getting out of work Thursday night at 10:30pm, eating a quick snack, going to bed by midnight, waking up at 4:30am, driving down and getting to my folks at 8:30am, it all became a blur.  I sat with my folks, the morning was spent pretty much discussing (some would say arguing) politics and the stupidity going on with our new overlords.  My dad is still a CNN fanboy so everything we say is wrong.

    At one point I asked him very simply "do you think abortions are cool (I am fine with them and think more people should partake, personally, but I know it disgusts my dad)?"  Of course he said no.  "Do you think black people should get more rights than anyone else (I know that this started over police behavior but politicians have now even declared young black people should get the Covid shot before older white people, Come on, Man)?  Again my dad sheepishly said no.  "How about paying more taxes, you want your check or my check to get smaller, so we contribute more from our wallets?" To this one he actually said, "well if we have to we have to."  I guess you can't argue with that kind of logic.  How about all your fellow blue collar workers losing jobs when Biden closed down the pipeline and stopped new fracking on federal lands, putting out 50k-60k people out of jobs.  "No, well that sounds tough."  I told him you're not even a democrat, you just listen too much to CNN.  That is kind of where we are at

    The rest of the afternoon was flavored by that.  It was still cool to sit and spend time with my folks.  My mom has been slowed down by pain to her hip, but it's not like she really sits and rests it as she spent about 50% of her time moving back and forth doing this and that.  My nephews are all there, as my mom is running a home school of sorts, with all the grandkids there on their computers doing their schooling, they broke for lunch around noon, my mom had gone and gotten chicken from the Golden Chick for lunch.  I did end up taking a nap around 2:30 for an hour, then Wife said her coworker would drop her off so we could hang out longer.  We didn't leave until 6:00pm, but it was fine.  We stopped to eat dinner at a restaurant on the way home and probably got home close to 11:00pm.  It was a good day, but I never had a moment alone with my thoughts, so this is written a day late.

2/4/21 Are We All Just Children?

     Used to be, I thought adults were impressive, that they knew everything and kept things under control.  I looked up to my parents, they knew what was best for me, the news gave you unbiased facts, you went to church and school and there were more adults to guide you along your path of growth.  It all seemed to make sense, until the modern era came to be with all the 24 hour coverage and/or you grow up and realize everyone is an idiot.

    Wife brought up her superintendent talking about the school board meeting in my hometown saying it had gotten a little heated, since it was on Youtube I went and saw what the hoopla was about.  These are adults who go out and beg the city to trust them with the choices that are best suited for their children and still, they act like idiots.  There were lawyers discussing matters, I don't even want to get into the specifics, but even they were talking over one another trying to sound more intelligent than the other.  The board was supposed to simply evaluate their superintendent and that lead to them yelling at each other and one suggested that I guess there was so much incompetence that they should just be absorbed by another school district, which is a stupid and cowardly way to solve your own issues.

    A day doesn't go in the news that another teacher is found having a relationship with a student, or a priestly man of the church is fondling kids.  If it isn't that, it's men business suits finding new ways to steal money, looking at you hedge fund idiots who cry foul when they are burned at their own game.  Everywhere we turn to, it seems to be the same.

    Nowadays, we see almost continuous coverage of our esteemed politicians and man do most of them disappoint.  They are all mostly turds in expensive suits playing at what I assume they believe adults would do in their positions.  If they aren't caught with mistresses on the side, they are caught taking bribes, faking stories of hardship for attention, or lying about accomplishments.  The minute you think one of them is doing something good, that might actually be on your side, another one will go out of their way to show you how badly your hero really is.  It is way past disgusting but I don't see this stopping, it just seems like it will get worse and worse.

    Is it the internet and our need for constant content?  Do we search for the lowest common denominator in humanity or is that what we are given to see?  Was it always like this, we just never got to see behind the great curtain in the old days?  I look back for a notable exception and I don't know why, but my great grandparents on my mom's side come to mind.  He was a stoic man who ran a little store in a tiny town and my great grandmother was always near him I assume working alongside him is all I remember.  In their old age, they moved in with one of their kids on a farm near San Antonio and my great grandfather would hang out on that farm staying busy outside with the animals.  He seemed like a perfect old man who loved his wife and once she passed away, he passed a few months after.  Were they the last perfect couple who lived for each other and were just decent good people or if he had had Snapchat and Youtube would I have seen my great grandfather stepping on chickens for fun or other horrible modern day activities?

2/3/21 Wife Keeps Saying I am Overthinking it, But Things Have Changed?

     I can't help but think that in ten years, if we can get out of this "stupidity funk" we are in, some people will be ashamed at what they allowed to become normal.  Wife occasionally worries about me leaning over to conspiracy world, and I am aware of what I am doing, but I ask her "What is the option when regular news sources only report one side of things?"  I saw a story on ABC news with Senator Paul Rand trying to discuss election fraud with George Stephanopoulos and the news guy, being that his job is to always look for the story looks at the senator with a straight face and says "no, there are not two sides to this story."  How come when the word was that Trump had "colluded" with Russia, we spent three years investigating, but now we just want to move forward, nothing to see here?  As I understood, the media was some sort of fourth level of government in that their investigating and research kept the people in power in check.  Honestly, I saw Fox giving preferential treatment to Bush and I absolutely hated that, but now the other news sources have turned to doing the same for the left, so who is doing unbiased reporting anymore?  Who do I listen to, Wife?  Should I just blindly put the TV on Fox because they say what I now want to hear, for the most part?  This is why I have taken to hunt for my own information, which leaves me looking like I have become a conspiracist.

    If that wasn't bad enough, social media outlets have taken to controlling what gets out for us to hear?  This is very bad, if we are to believe we are still living in a free country.  If it was just Trump, the argument could be made that he needed to be put on a leash, he can move this country and did.  It is a shame what they have done, but I think he will still come out on top, somehow.  The really bad part is now that the Twitters and Facebooks have tasted the power of censorship in their favor, they are going to continue.

    I was listening to Adam and Dr. Drew, they used to be together on Loveline back in the early 90's dispensing advise to the youth of America.  Dr. Drew is a real doctor, he is also a bit of a celebrity, but he has always sounded honest and a man of science.  He was the straight man to Adam's funny and the show worked.  My point is that he is a real doctor, recently got infected with Covid-19, treated himself with Ivermectin, which I had seen many studies on Youtube that all say it is a lifesaver, yet he has been given a warning to stop spreading misleading information on the internet, from Youtube.  Do you think it is a doctor making this call or is it a dufus sitting in a cubicle not liking what he sees?

    We need to get back to a world with some adults in charge, and I don't mean what the left is talking about, you can't lead the country with feelings, we need people who make decisions from facts and knowledge.  To shut down a doctor because you disagree with him, meanwhile he could be saving lives, maybe Youtube should be charged with some of those murders they want to put on Trump for not reacting sooner or quicker.  I think preventing reaction on purpose, is worse.

2/2/21 Biden Is A Potato?

     It blows my mind how off center we have gotten, I can't imagine even the leftiest of feminists can think this new executive order from Biden allowing trans men to compete in the arena of women's sports is a worthy cause to celebrate.  People on the right keep dissecting this and coming to the conclusion that this will or has already ruined women's sports.  First off, I don't have a daughter and my niece is not really interested in sports like that, so I don't have a horse in this race, it is perfectly fine by me if trans men take a foothold of women's sports and turn it into a farce.  As has been discussed, a totally accomplished runner, Allyson Felix, who has won more Olympic medals than Usain Bolt holds a time in the 400 meter run that in 2018 could be bested by 300 high school boys.  This doesn't even include the college population and post school, as Olympiads can compete into their 30's and even 40's, in some categories.

    Personally, I don't think it is fair to compare men to women, we are not the same and I am not trying to demean women in any way, this is just a fact.  Men are built with different hips, have more muscle mass, testosterone runs through our blood making us more prone to take risks and do the impossible in moments of heroism.  It is not a two way street, if a woman wants to compete with men, that is fine by me all day long.  The little kicker that made news a couple months ago with Vanderbilt was seen as a hero for getting on the field with a D1 football team, but as a kicker of field goals, she wasn't really called into playing football, she was just doing soccer in place.  Let's see the girlie get involved in a tackle and see if she can walk away unscathed.  I see my son play and I can play around and block him here at home for a second or two, but I wouldn't want to take him on in pads coming at me with a head of steam, all 250 pounds of vim and vigor.  If little Miss kicker thinks she's a football player, go ahead line up and be a team player, see how long before they cart you off the field.

    It is totally different when it's a man playing in a women's sport.  He will not be oversized, and I know there are some women playing basketball that are super tall, some can even dunk a ball, but that doesn't mean they could hang with a man of the same or similar physique, the trans man will win because he has innate qualities like a bigger heart, more red blood cells, thicker muscles, faster recovery times, that just make competing against each other unfair.  

    If the left has decided that this is the way though, let it be.  Who will be crying to the government to "fix" this in ten years when all or most women's records are held by trans men in track and field?  This has already started, so yes, it will happen, I am not just doing some wishful thinking.  I don't want to see women get humiliated on the field, but I think it will help in shutting up the feminists that keep insisting "anything you can do, we can do better."  I imagine those feminists are holding quiet right now because they have gotten what they wanted, equality for all.  I will agree we are there when women have to sign up for the draft at 18, you know, like men have to.  I don't think anyone on the left is going to fight for this equality though.