About the first thing to happen upon finding out I had cancer was my in-laws wanting to get together for brunch. I thought it was nice, we see them from time to time, and usually we do it by meeting somewhere in between Austin and San Antonio to eat. I did not expect to be ambushed this last time and it was only because I know it came from a place of love that I didn't get up from the table and leave.
We met at a random Mexican restaurant there by the Buc-ee's in New Braunfels for lunch about two weeks ago and everything was going fine. My father-in-law has always been a quiet man, usually it is my mother-in-law who does most of the talking, plus I like the banter between my brother-in-law and myself. We both have a love of nice watches, and he is usually quick to bring up the topic. This meal had a long wait for a table, I guess we got there right as breakfast was ending and lunch was starting. We even asked, I believe it was about 20 until noon or something and the hostess said, "as long as you sit and order before the hour, maybe it was fixing to be 1:00pm, you should be fine." Unfortunately, at 5 minutes before sitting us down, the hostess disappeared to go wrap more silverware in napkins and by the time they sat us it was a couple minutes into lunch, I just remember that annoying me.
Anyways, as soon as we sat down, I felt the hard sell start. My father-in-law sitting directly in front of me saying something to the effect that "come on, we've all been Atheists in our youth, let's stop playing games and come to Jesus, now that you are going to need all the help you can get." He didn't use those words, but that was the message. My response was "whoa, I've known I have cancer for like two days and I'm supposed to fall to my knees and start begging God and Jesus to save me? That first of all feels hugely hypocritical for me to do that." My mother-in-law quickly added in "No, it is not, God is always waiting for you, he loves you and he believes in you..." At this point I did feel like getting up and leaving, but I said "look, I came here to eat lunch with y'all because I love you and enjoy your company. I might come around and find some sort of faith, but it can't be forced upon me. Maybe I come around, maybe I don't, but it'll be my decision."
I have always sat with the notion that God accepts all, theoretically, it doesn't seem to matter how much of a mess they make of their lives, and some people really push boundaries by taking life and just being animals their whole lives. Yet a simple begging of forgiveness and they are "saved" sounds like so much BS to me. If so, surely, there has to be a place for the likes of me, who has never done wrong to people, who of my own free will, not because I am trying to gain brownie points with Big G, I give and help those around me, at least the ones that become part of my world. I have made it a point to just love and accept people in my life as they are. Whatever your vices, fine, I have my own. I cannot believe that if there is a God, he places us on Earth and then expects us to live like action figures that were never taken out of their packages. We need to get dirty to experience the essence of existing, what is the point of living a sin free life, did you even live, at that point?
I then had to take one more side shot from my brother-in-law, he said he wouldn't preach to me but that ever since he had been convinced to take the path of faith, his life had turned around and things were going much better for him. Every time he thinks he can fall off the path, his life quickly starts turning to shambles, but upon walking in the light, all goes well. I said I was happy that he had found something that worked for him, I too should be left to find what works for me. How about you give me an actual week of living with this new diagnosis to see what I might choose to do?
I have always said that I don't know what is right and what is wrong, but if we look at religion through history, they can't all be right. When the Greeks believed in Athens and all the gods, were they wrong or were they right? When indian tribes also believed in a polytheistic god system, were they wrong? My mom and mother-in-law both swear that the only right religion is Christianity and Jesus Christ. Great, so you're willing to say that all other religions are wrong, that is pretty convenient to have been born when the right god for you was in his prime.
A coworker/friend from work also reached out and mentioned her beliefs. I have read some on them when I was trying to be a masseur and I want to believe in everything, but I also find it hard to believe that we have super abilities. I do believe that touch can be helpful, humans need human touch, there have been studies even of babies that grow up without human touch in places of war versus babies who are unconditionally loved and held and there is a difference in how they grow. Being full grown and married, the concept of being held is silly, but there is a lot of comfort and warmth from loved ones coming up wishing warm gestures and having a moment of human contact, be it a handshake or a hug. That does feel human and special at the same time.
No comments:
Post a Comment