This is probably the biggest cause of stress in my life right now. I can't control cancer, so there is no reason to worry about that outcome, I must just trust that I will be alright in the end. The problem with this is that I have been told I will be on chemotherapy from now on, and this will start on Thursday. As I understand it, this will be a simple pill I will take for the rest of my life, fine. In a perfect world, this will allow me to heal and I will live the rest of my natural life as healthy as I can muster. All of this still sounds honky-dory, I should be ecstatic to live in a time where all this might work out, but...
The first thing I went and read on my own, it's hard to bring this up as the first question to the doctors, but will my ejaculate be contaminated from now on? Am I now stuck in a latex world, as it were? Is my Johnny not going to be able to swim in the world without protection? From a selfish perspective, I could do as I want and just do what I do, but I would not want to unintentionally hurt Wife, so am I radioactive down there? Chemotherapy is such a heavy word, and I must admit I don't know everything yet. I don't really know if I will be taking the chemo stuff for the rest of my life, or if there will be a lighter dose that doesn't affect the surrounding neighborhood, it is just for my well being. I know I am ultimately happy that this is the worst thing to worry about, my selfish pleasure, I have never liked condoms and have rarely had to use them, but it is still concerning. Yes, worst case scenario, I will be using a Trojan sheath from now on, but that means I get to keep fighting the good fight, but isn't freedom what we all live for?
I am trying to make light of a very real and delicate situation. I'll just have to get used to a little extra, in the end, it'll all be alright. If I was in my 20's, this would be devastating, back when this was a day to day concern, I don't know how I would have carried on. Now, in my 50's, this is more of a once a week concern which very easily translates to eh, twice a month thing, I should be strong enough to survive it.
As people tell me, I'll find other hobbies, I do have a saxophone upstairs, maybe I'll start playing my old horn again my fingers will remember what to do, making beautiful music by myself, that should be harmless and fun. Another friend suggested I pick up painting, I guess I can work on my soft stroke, see what I can lay down on a canvas, I'll draw you a portrait of your melons with my brush, just give me a minute or two to examine them. I've started lifting weights again, it feels good to get a good sweat going by myself, see my muscles get pumped up, nice to know they still work, even when I'm by myself and not in a room with other sweaty people. More simply, my new hobby is slow cooking meat, at least I can still get to share my smoky meat with friends, who doesn't love it when it just falls with off the bone?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
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