3/14/15 Parallels Was Awesome On Netflix?

    I just saw a movie last night on Netflix that left me wanting more.  The name is Parallels, but I can't find much about it.  There are bands and businesses and other movies and shows with that name, so grrr.  Apparently, it started as a show pilot, but was then changed into a movie, maybe they ran short on funding, or were not picked up after all.
    The movie picks up with Ronan getting the crap beat out of him in a bare knuckle fight of some kind.  He is in a "loser" spiral, not having much direction in life, we learn later his actions caused the death of his mother, so guilt set him on a course of abandoning the rest of the family.  He gets a mysterious call from dad to meet somewhere, so he heads home, his sister also gets this sketchy call.  They are to go meet dad at an abandoned building downtown somewhere and they take a friend who lives across the street, of course he has been in love with the sister since childhood.
    They go in the abandoned building and within minutes lights flash and they look outside and the landscape has changed.  They are now in a post apocalyptic world.  Everything looks destroyed, from some sort of nuclear bomb.  They are confused and lost and in comes a fourth character, she has become a favorite of mine on "Fresh Off The Boat", Constance Wu.  She is pretty and in this movie, does a little sexy/slutty too.  She explains that the building moves every thirty six hours to a parallel universe, it is earth always, just in a different set of circumstances.  Some are more advanced, some are empty of life.  She states that she has been on the building for a long time and so far it hasn't gone back to her universe, which she appears to be waiting for.
    They are kind of looking for their dad, and it appears that he may or may not have been murdered in some of the universes, and although the mom is accepted to be dead, eventually the dad shows up and says that the mom is not necessarily dead, she is just on a different universe.
    There is other mayhem and some plot twists, such as multiple bodies of that Constance chick, which the others have not figured out.  We are left wondering whether they are good or bad, or in charge of the building.  The dad jumps out of the building right as it transports, like he is not concerned about getting left behind.  He is on a mission of his own.
    I hadn't seen a movie/show that hooked me this much in a while.  I told Wife, we are watching this together as soon as we have a night off together.

3/13/15 Friday the 13th, Boo?

    Is anyone still dopey enough to think Friday the 13th is significant?  I remember growing up and putting up with the stupid movie franchise of the same name.  I might have even seen one at the local theater back home in my teens.  I have never liked those slasher type movies, what was the point, other than the gratuitous nudity?  Back before the internet, it was worth it for a 12-14 yr old to put up with all the machete slicing for the hopes of seeing some naked breastesses and the rare but even more exotic fully nude. 
    Nowadays, actresses don't even want to bother taking off their clothes, come on, who let that happen in Hollywood?  You had one job, movie peeps, to keep the nudity going.  But with the internet, who cares?  If an actress won't take her top off, someone will catch them on vacation, or they'll steal their pictures from their cameras.  Or we wait until they get desperate for attention and strip for Playboy. 
    This year, somebody posted "oh no, Halloween falls on Friday the 13th this year."  For a second, I thought "great, people are gonna overreact, BUT Halloween is always on the 31st.  I don't know what they were smoking or thinking. 
    Chubs says the students in class are having a hard time concentrating.  I say no wonder, with stupid daylight savings time, now Friday the 13th, we get Spring Break next week, my folks were here a couple days because it was Spring Break in their part of the state.  We got Easter in a few weeks.  This year seems chock full of reasons to make regular days "special".
    As you get through the week, remember, don't go under ladders, cross a black cat's path, step on a crack (you'll break your mama's back (just cause it rhymes?)), don't say something as your friend is saying it or you owe them a coke.  Ooh, don't break a mirror (7 years bad luck), if you spill salt, spill more over your shoulder (just in case).  If your baby is being a jerk, rub a room temperature egg on his forehead.... (forget it, you're probably not a witch or a jedi, not for you).  FYI, if you are a witch, don't go swimming, you'll sink (but you already know this).
    We assign fantastical powers to so much crap, how do we get out of bed in the morning?  I also suppose these are the little things that can also make life more fun, but don't be a dope, people are going to laugh at you if you start oh I don't know saying "Bless You" when someone sneezes.  You are saving their soul?  Really?  That's the best we could come up with?

3/12/15 19 Was The Limit For Boy?

    My oldest will not be joining us for Spring Break vacation this year.  I guess we have become the latest game console to become irrelevant.  We had a good run, but last year's vacation was almost horrible.  He did not want to be with us.  This year I told him all year "if you're gonna act like an Ass, I would rather you not go."  He always looks like "whatever do you mean, father? I am the poster boy for good manners."  He pissed and moaned because he wasn't with his friends and we were kind of in the woods and there was hardly any internet/phone activity.
    This year, he has plans to go to Florida at the end of their school semester in May.  He has a chance to work extra days during the week and thus make more money to save for his trip.  He's got a decent little job as a server at Alamo Drafthouse, they pay well.  Currently though, he only works Saturday and Sunday because he has class during the week.  Since he is off all week for Spring Break, he offered to work and he said they are letting him work during the week.  I think it is SXSW so the city will be busy.  He says he has about $500 in his savings, but he's kind of dumb in that he keeps ordering stuff from Amazon and wasting away his savings.
    I never had a problem vacationing with my folks, it was usually to Corpus Christi to get out on the beach, and I have generally always liked doing that.  I started dating my wife when she was 14, I was 16 and she even joined us a couple times before we were married.  She would sleep over by my mom and that was fine, it kept me happy that they would even take her.
    I want to take it personally, as the kids say "I feel butthurt", but it is not personal, he has goals he sees as more important.  Hopefully, he'll come around and want to join us later, but it is up to him.  I will not be forcing him to join us so he can throw tantrums and pooh pooh everything we suggest.  If you join us, it is because you want to.
    I still enjoy hanging with my folks.  We have an RV and they have one too.  We park in the same RV park in Corpus and try to spend as many weekends as possible up there together during the summer.  Last summer Wife's brother bought an RV and they were in the park with us, and this year, even my in-laws have gotten an RV.  They will be hanging out with us in the RV park this summer.  I am not sure if Boy will join us.  He joined us once last summer, and then of course, he took his friends and used my RV to play host. 
    What can one do?  I call him my Little Shit, but I guess he's mostly grown.  I can't really stop him from doing what he wants to do, maybe in time, he'll realize he's missing out from family time.  Maybe I'll spoil Chubs to the max and tell Boy too bad, should've stayed with Daddy.  Nah, I'm not that petty, or am I?   

3/11/15 I Can't Drive 65?

    I generally try to stay cool under fire.  There is one situation when I cannot control my behavior and that is when I'm driving.  I lose my head when I get behind any of the brain dead citizens of our fair town.  I am usually waiting like a funny car racer when the light changes, it's go time.  I love being the lead car, even though I drive a huge fat Excursion, I will usually be in front of the pack when the light changes because I am always ready to go.  But put me behind someone who is "cruising" and I become Capt. A-hole, I hate losing even a car length to the person beside me because of someone else.

    I believe it was Adam Carolla who summed it up.  While walking on a sidewalk, you wouldn't let the stranger walking in front of you to put his arms out and allow him to dictate the pace you will be walking, forced to walk at his pace, stopping to window shop and holding you back.  This same behavior is exactly what happens when we get behind the wheel of our cars.  We are supposed to be courteous to other drivers, but some people are just horrible humans.

    Saturday night, we went to Salt Lick, which is delicious and buffet style, but it is out in the middle of nowhere.  Coming back, we were privileged to be behind a driver going about 15-20mph.  I flashed my high beams in a get your shit together kind of way, and he automatically hit a u-turn.  It was a smallish car, and I guess he kind of made his turn, guess he forgot something at the restaurant.  I then got going, and a few seconds later we got behind a convoy of cars going 35mph.  The road is curvy and it was dark, but that is a little too slow.  At this point, what can you do?  I wasn't even behind him to honk or flash, so I have to sit back, sulk and wait for a turn.  It feels so free when you can finally turn and floor it.  65 feels like an escape from that jog we had been doing, behind ole Numbnuts.

    My dad was riding in the back and he cautions me "hey, the baby is in the car (my brother's boy spent the day with us), be careful."  I snapped back "I am in the car, I am being careful!"  This is how I drive with my boys in the car, why does the baby change anything?  My dad has become old and nervous, when my wife starts up that I am being reckless, I complain but generally tone it down a bit.

    Lately, Chubs has become a vocal passenger.  He'll be playing a video game and look up and go "ahh!" my response is always a startled "what?!"  He'll say something like I thought we were gonna crash.  Then I have to say "Chubs, I've been driving for thirty years, shush it!, we're headed to Walmart, I'm not gonna crash here in the neighborhood.

3/10/15 Whoring Myself Out?

    I have now written over 100 blogs, 1 a day since the day after Thanksgiving.  I started writing this as a way to leave my thoughts on "paper" for my boys to read at a later date.  My wife then got me excited that her coworkers were all enjoying my work, then my coworkers, so at times I have skewed my efforts to be entertaining for them, but what I write is still me and pretty much true, unless I am obviously telling you I am 300 years old or worked in the ocean for 50 years when I am 43 years old.
    I had chosen not to pimp myself out, letting my work speak for itself, but today I finally got a tweeter account and will start advertising myself to hopefully the world.  Daddy needs a mansion overlooking the ocean.
    I plan on continuing the variety of writing.  I ran out of ideas for "How To Be A Man", but Boy did like those.  I personally like the fables, but they are hard to line up and come up with a lesson.  Some of my historical writings are just for my boys to know stuff that's happened to me and make sure it is written down somewhere.  I love my poems, I think some are clever and just a tad dirty, although I am trying not to be vulgar.  Those of you that know me, have to be surprised I have stayed as PG as I have, cause I do have a potty mouth.
    My wife continues to be a great source of material, and she not only ends up the butt of some of my jokes, she contributes in getting me going some days when I feel empty of anything to say.  She is a great sport, and I love her for it.  My boys can't help but provide material, Boy reads some of them, Chubs is aware of it, and I have let him read here and there when content is funny for him.  He loved Pokemon poem.
    My family has been more touch and go.  We are generally very private, and my mom keeps eyeballing me with "you better not".  My dad will start carrying on about something and then he'll mock me "he's gonna blog about this, heh heh".  I've managed to stay on that fine line of being funny without making anyone look bad, so I hope to continue on that.
    Thanks for reading, when I become filthy rich, I will let the first few of you to read me smell my wallet, it'll be the one smelling of farts and riches.  :)  I appreciate y'all!!

3/9/15 Ernest Hemingway Short Stories Are Ehhh?

    I am on about page 120 of "The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway" and I am not enjoying this book at all.  I thought it was going to have all his works, but it is literally 47 short stories from a given time period and then more stories from another time period.  When I scanned the book, one of the front pages had a list of what sounded like his books, but that is what it was, a list.  I saw The Old Man and the Sea and then the table of contents had something about the sea in the title and I assumed it was in there.
    Most of the stories are 2-5 pages long, so it is reading fairly quickly, but I don't enjoy the protagonist dying all the time.  The first 3-4 stories had the main character dying.  In the first story, his wife "accidentally" blows his head off, the next story had a young man playing at being a bullfighter, his friend ties knives to a chair and charges the kid.  He accidentally slices his artery in his arm, and kid dies.  Then there is a story of a young gal who has a crush on a Jim.  He proceeds to get drunk and give her a light raping.  Then an old man who is taking care of some animals in a war zone, he is to leave the area, but he is tired of walking, so he will just sit there, with the enemy coming over the hills.  They don't say he dies, but what are the options?
    Lace this in with some dingy broad in a hotel who sees a cat getting rained on and she decides she wants a cat.  She says it enough times and she gets a cat, lame.
    Then a kid gets tossed off a moving train, the kid follows the train tracks, runs into some hobos, they feed him and he continues on his way.
    Another one has some young men/teens getting drunk while dad is out hunting, feels a little homoerotic, with them taking their shoes off and getting warm by the fire.  One of them pushing the other to get drunk, it'll be fun, telling him he did the right thing by dumping his girlfriend.
    What is fun about two dudes sitting drunk by a fire?  If I'm getting drunk, there's gonna be some groping, otherwise, what is the point of abusing your liver, waking up with a headache, and all the other things that go with drinking?
    I may finish reading the book, but I am trying to get through a bunch of books and this one is too big, so on to the next one....

3/8/15 Shark Hunting For Sport?

    I have mentioned I am not a mere mortal like you or she.  Back from the1930s to the 1960s, I had a profitable job, I would go in the Gulf of Mexico and take sharks by the dozens.  I was good at it, I want to say the best, but why toot my own horn, just ask a shark, they'll tell you.  I had a partner and he piloted a Scarab, those boats can go about 80mph in the open water,  I could swim at about 82mph, always stayed in front of that big boat.  Some sharks never even saw me coming, I'd come so fast at them that by the time they tried turning around, I was already making a necklace with their teeth.  I still supply the east coast with shark teeth when they run low.  Where do you think all those touristy places get those cheesy necklaces with shark teeth?  Sometimes I'd sell them the whole jaw, you can still buy them, my hard work from long ago lives on.
    The pilot of that boat was none other than Jacques C, a frenchman, taught him everything I know.  I was so good at taking life from that ocean that I actually turned him from ocean profiteer to conservationist.  He said that like the shark my eyes would fold back and evil shone bright red before I started my heinous acts.  What I did with those sharks made him feel sorry for the sharks, he swore the rest of his life to study what my impact on the sharks was.  He went off and got famous, by burying my accomplishments in the sea.  I paid it no mind, eventually I worked for the government as I said, and that went very well for me, cleaning up shorelines from hungry sharks.  Eventually I talked with a guy and he took my idea and wrote what became Jaws.  That was one encounter with one shark, he milked it for weeks.  I would have had that shark on a hook by sundown, but that wouldn't make a good thriller.
    As I said, I can't go into much detail, much of what I did in those years was confiscated when my partner started saying sharks were good guys after all, they kept the oceans clean.  How can you fight that kind  of publicity?  I'm OK, eating all that shark tail (not fin, dummies) is what has kept me from aging.  I still have a special freezer where I keep my shark tails, as long as I eat that, I will remain like a man in his 40's.  Someday, I may go back to my ways and take a couple more sharks, but until then, I will stay on the shoreline, why put the fear of death in a sharks eyes, they know I still roam the land, the question is "when will I go swimming again?"