I had a weird conversation with my younger brother concerning many things earlier tonight (Saturday). I texted him happy birthday because it was late and frankly he is usually a man of few words. I was very surprised he called back within minutes to vent and talk for a bit. I won't go into details but he mentioned it sucked not having role models growing up.
Maybe we didn't have the traditional role models, but I think I found what I needed to grow and even thrive. I talked a little bit with the wife and she said one of my role models was one of the band directors. I was obsessed in high school with being the best and he coached me on my way to going to State. He would suggest exercises for my fingers like playing scales and then doing the same thing in reverse, playing the same scales but only sounding every other note. I took everything suggested as the key to make me better and I believed. Eventually, I reached my goal and I felt pretty good for it. The funny thing about it is he was the same band director but my brother was tormented by him, Wife says the same thing happened to her. He expected my brother to be as driven as me, but he did not have the same interests. Wife said she also felt extra pressure from him because it had worked so well for me. Wife said she was interested enough to be in band, but she never cared for the competitive aspect of it. It is a little weird but the same guy who mentored me to greatness, also scared my brother enough that he preferred quitting the band.
Another role model that I just gravitated towards immediately was my roommate in college. He was definitely the opposite of me, while I was an introvert and had a hard time talking to people, he was a definite extrovert and loved being the center of attention. I may have not gone completely all the way to "life of the party", he did change me enough to be comfortable in my own skin while talking to the fairer sex. My brother would have benefitted with someone like my roommate, but not everyone is interested in becoming more open. Coincidentally, I don't know I could still hang with my roommate now, once we got out of college, I had mastered what he had to teach me, him still trying to be center of attention kind of grew old, at a certain point.
I think first you have to choose who and what you want to be as a grown up. I probably had other people I looked up to and learned a thing or two from, even from our dad who was not around much, as a truck driver and then he had his group of friends who he liked partying with. I didn't think this was a good thing, so maybe as an anti-role model, I have never cared to have friends that take me away from my kids. I've had a couple of guy friends over the years, but I don't really let them take my time from me being available for the boys. After all, I hope my boys see me as their role model and someone to grow up and be like. I can't say why my brother is so different than I or my other brother, but he finally has a plan and a good job lined up. I hope things go well here in a couple of weeks when school starts up again, he will be a brand new teacher and although it is a huge responsibility, he might just have the right mix of intelligence, presence, and insight to become a role model for a few of these young kids coming in the new generation.
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