Saturday, May 14, 2016

5/14/16 Nail Surgery Was "Fun" ?

    Today was the big day for minor surgery on my toenail.  It came up fast as just last weekend Wife got on my Ass that I needed to take care of it, and preferably before our Florida trip.  I left work early last night, so I would have a chance to sleep enough.  I got out at 4:15am and was rushing to get in my truck and get home, but an older guy saw me in the parking lot and asked about my truck.  That resulted in a fifteen minute discussion about all the trucks I have driven over the years, he was recounting them back to me.  Maybe it was my fairy godfather, he sure knew a lot about me.  I guess he works in my building, although I have never seen him.  Either way, I was in my truck by 4:30am and home by 4:40.  Just to play it safe, I did not eat breakfast, sometimes the doctors have weird requests, and since I didn't talk to them, Wife did, I figured I'd skip a meal and not wake her.  I was asleep by 5:20am. 
    Wife woke me at 9:40am to get ready for my 11:00am appointment.  I promptly did my business and showered and dressed.  We were out the door by 10:40am (maybe not promptly).  I let Wife drive me in her VW bug, she convinced me that it would be easier to park, I reluctantly agreed.  It turned out to be a good idea, as the parking was shitty, but we were in the doctor's office by 10:55am.  There was an old lady in the waiting room, Wife took a pic for her Snapchat and put a smiley face on her, as she was asleep.  I just thought she was too old to be there on her own.  But she went in a few minutes before us, then it was my turn.
    I asked the nurse if it was going to hurt, he made an evil face and said yes, laughing as we walked into the room.  He asked a few simple questions and had me sign a form or two.  I was given the choice to go ahead and do the procedure in that room, a regular little room or we could go to a fancier room where they could pull a curtain so I didn't see what the doctor was doing.  The doctor showed up and he started right up with the comedy.  He looked at both my feet, I said the nail on my big toe on right foot has not been a problem, he said it had the classic staple shape, said we could wait on it, but without asking pulled it up and cut the ends and took a polishing wheel and shaped and thinned the whole nail, white powder flying all over.
    The big show was on the left foot.  He said the worst part was the shots, once it's numb, the rest is easy.  He put four shots around the toe, which numbed up the toe to where he pinched the toe with pliers and I did not feel it at all.  He pulled out some big clippers, I looked away and in one quick deep breath he said "no way you would be able to dig this out yourself" and he showed me a huge piece of nail, I looked away again and it was about the same from the other side.  His concern was that if the nail grows long enough, it could fuse underneath the skin and then it becomes a more involved procedure.  At this point, he took some carbolic acid on Q-tips and stuck them under the skin on both sides of the remaining nail.  This looked like it would hurt tremendously, he poked and prodded under the skin a few times, I guess to make sure he got it all.  There was some blood and it looked like I should be crying like a little girl, but the numbing shots really work.  He bandaged me up, gave me some instructions, cracking with the comedy the whole time, and we were at Central Market by 11:50am
    I am writing this around 7:00pm, and I still feel no pain, he said when the medicine wears off, I will feel like a "good pain" from having the nail not giving me pain anymore.  I am trying my hardest not to move, but I feel my family hungry and pacing.  We will probably head out to eat in a little while.

Friday, May 13, 2016

5/13/16 KIK Groups Are All Over The Place?

    I have many hours to kill at night.  Sometimes, I end up in internet places I should not be looking at, but I am an adult, so I say, F it.  Recently, I discovered KIK.  Apparently, it is like open chat rooms, people can be as anonymous as they want to be.  The software is kind of shitty, the best way to join a group is using the camera and capturing an image on a circle that must be specific for each group.  I've tried typing random chat rooms name like Good Guys or Church Loving During The Week and gotten nowhere.  If you know me at all, you know I'm looking for boob pics, but anyways.
    One of the groups I did join was one called "something breakroom", but there are only a handful of people there.  When I have gone in, at least 1 other person will text back, but it is not a "sharing" of ideas, just me being snarky.  I can go in there and be a smart ass, we've talked about such fascinating stuff, such as the sham wow guy, Billy Mays, AMD, superior German Engineering, mudding, all pretty good topics, considering it's just four random people.  I do like the vibe, I just wish it was 50-100 people interacting, maybe it will keep growing, I guess time will tell.
    The other group is a mess.  It is supposed to be a group for lovers of big boobs, which is already risqué, but it quickly devolved into an orgy on paper.  The first night was just a handful of people and everyone was talking respectfully, I wasn't even sure we could cuss, so I was using S instead of shit and other efforts to stay PG13.  When I was going to log off, a gal asked if I wanted to see her boobs, "umm sure!"  What else can you say and not be rude?  She flashed her big ole boobs, I gave a very approving nod and said I am pulling up a chair and never leaving this place.  Soon enough, another big gal whooped them out.  A lot of hee hee and ha ha ensued.  It was more friendly than dirty.  Fast forward 24 hours, and now we got a good group of 30-40 peeps, some of them mouth breathers.  There is no communication, no hi, my name is blah blah.  These geniuses were just logging in and the first thing they say "hey, somebody show me tits!"  or "anybody got videos of y'all doing it?"  I take it as first you get to know people, crack some jokes, set a good tone. 
    By the third day I was ready to log off, except the ladies keep showing the boobs, and I am a fan of the real stuff.  I outgrew the Playboy types years ago, I like my boobies with stretch marks and hanging or whatever constitutes real.  Once the guys started flashing their genitals, I figured alright, it's time to hit the eject button.  It was nice, for the first night, but too many dudes ruin everything, usually.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

5/12/16 Ode To A Kayak? (poem)

Sleek as a shark, you are my latest obsession
against my wife's will, you will be my next possession.
I don't care what I have to do, you will be mine
prepare yourself woman, I shall commence with the whine.
I can see myself floating away with the setting sun
maybe not that late, in the dark I am a Winnie and it would stop being fun.
But imagine sitting secure in your inner compartment safe from the world
as long as the water is calm or I'm sure my belly's contents I will have hurled.
The newest Kayaks have the option to sit or stand
on my feet I shall proceed, looking for fish to just take with my bare hand
Like a magical grizzly bear floating right above them on my magical silent transport
so many a water creature I will devour their humble lives cut short.
But that is the life of a fisherman out on the open water
I see some fish and then nothing but the silent sound of fish slaughter.
You think I have weighed 400 pounds because I eat cow,
you simple peasant you've never seen me fish, it would make you say wow.
as I have said in my earlier tales, I am a Merman, the sea is in my blood
scoff and laugh, when I approach you with my tail, you will be silenced with a quick thud.
But back to my Kayak I saw you at Cabela's looking so sexy last week
laying there on display, I had to inspect your undies, at least just a quick peek
You look solidly built and you better
for $1200 dollars they should include a fishing rod and a sweater.
Sorry, it's not about the money, it's about the sport
out on the open water, looking down at you landlubbers I'll snort.
Technically, I'll be sitting down low, so I'll be looking up
no matter at all, I shall still laugh and say to all whazzuppp?
But first, y'all help me out, most of you know my wife
tell her to be nice, and let me have my toy to enjoy some wildlife.
If we all ban together, think positive, and say "yes we can!"
Big Mando will finally get a win, get his way and say out loud "I'm the Man!"

5/11/16 Is Deadpool That Bad?

    We are in the era of the super hero.  Seems every other movie has a super hero showing off some new badass power.  There's so many heroes, they are starting to recycle the few pretty male actor faces.  Ryan Reynolds was the Green Lantern, now he is Deadpool.    Chris Evans, who plays Captain America, also played the Human Torch with the Fantastc Four.  Anyways, my question today is there was a lot of fuss made about this movie and its R rating.  Ryan Reynolds, as Deadpool, did most of the voice-over commercials, which, even in the movie he breaks down the fourth wall and talks to the audience directly, seems cool when he does it, watch it get overdone in the coming year.  He was constantly calling out parents to not let children see the movie when it was in theaters.  Boy works at Alamo Drafthouse and when it came out, outright refused to get a ticket for Chubs, out of fear of getting in trouble with his supervisors.  The whole theater chain was taking a stand and at least putting up flags to parents who tried taking kids to it.
    Fast forward a couple weeks and the movie is now on Blue-Ray which means we bought it, it was a great and funny movie.  Chubs is dying to see it.  He has heard us going on and on about it, he wants to be involved in the conversation.  The really bad parts, aside from the violence is in one scene Deadpool gets shot right square in the butthole, which tears his costume and kind of shows stuff down there.  The really bad one is his "love montage" with his newfound love which proceeds with the changing of the calendar, they are doing kinkier and kinkier stuff as they fall deeper in love, culminating in the scene where she is wearing a big ole strap-on, and our hero is bent over, ready to take it in the out hole. 
    I know an 11 year old should not be seeing stuff like that, but, he has been playing video games which promote killing each other in the most creative ways since he was like 6.  He's been talking since probably second grade about accomplishing a head kill on Halo as a big accomplishment.  I have asked this before, why is America ok with children watching the dismemberment and killing of people which can be a horrible violent act, but then we get squeamish when a boob or god forbid genitals come out on screen?  Over the years, some of our denser friends have talked about having movie nights with their kids to watch stupid shit like the Saw movies.  To me, CPS should get involved, but they are more likely to get involved if they find out a kid was watching 50 Shades of Grey, than I Know What You Did Last Summer.
    Sorry to you infallible parents, but Chubs will sit next to me, and I will cover his eyes so he doesn't see the butt sex.  The other scene where he gets shot there, well that's just funny stuff.  If you are confused, his power is that he heals quickly, he can't die.  It really was a funny entertaining movie, it did not need the butt stuff, it was already funny enough.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

5/10/16 Going Under The Knife, Losing A Toenail, Gaining Some Relief?

    My toenails suck, they always have.  I grew up with big toe on right foot always having a touch of nail fungus.  I even remember in third grade going to the swimming pool with my class during the summer, and not being able to swim.  Jerk teacher kept me out.  This was the same swimming pool we would go to regularly, yet I couldn't participate with my classmates. 
    Fast forward to college, and at some point, my right nail about cleaned up, but then my left nail got messed up.  I don't know if it is from fungus, Boy has messed up nails too, but I get ingrown toenails all the freaking time.  It hurts, I usually put off cutting my nails because I will sit there for an hour, messing with the ingrown.  I will dig way past what you would call normal with the point of these specialized scissors and feel under the skin for more nail.  I can usually find it by touch.  Nail feels hard, skin is soft.  By the time I'm done, my leg is numb from being tucked under me.  My nail is usually bleeding from all the poking and prodding, and it is generally a mess I go through every 4-6 weeks.
    A couple years ago, Wife took Boy to a doctor who took care of both big toes.  He was starting to get the same ingrown nails all the time.  The doctor used some acid to kill the nail bed so nails don't grow all the way out to the side edges anymore.  This prevents the nail from going under the skin.  The procedure starts with a shot to numb the toe, followed by a dozen other ones, for some reason.  I avoided it last time because it would have meant no hot tub for a few weeks and back then we were using it almost every weekend.  I would like to say the same for now, but honestly, we've used it once in last 6 months.  I am opting for the surgery at this time.  One, it is still awhile before summer, if we do end up using the pool and hot tub more.  Second, I don't want anything to slow me down in Florida when we go in June.  I refuse to be the weakest link.
    Boy says it has been great since he took care of his.  No more problems, so hopefully, I have the same results.  The last straw was this past Friday, we actually used the hot tub for the first time in a long time.  I didn't turn the heat all the way up, maybe it was at 98 degrees or so, but my nail felt like it was pulsing.  Wife and I were trying to be intimate, but the pulses of pain forced me out of the water.  I thought I had hurt myself somehow, but once we got out and cooled off, the pulses went away, it was an intense pain.  I took a shower and went at the stupid nail around midnight, poking at it until the pain subsided.  It felt like heaven when I pulled out this huge hunk of nail from under the skin.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

5//9/16 HOA, Pain In The Ass, Or Helpful Reminder?

    I HATE being told to do something by anyone.  I really hate when old White Lady Neighbor tells me I need to get my shit in order.  Apparently, she did not just make small talk with Wife last week when she mentioned the pool was looking green and the tree up front was dead.  I told Wife that the tree might just be late to bloom, as last year it took longer to get going than the others.  But a month later, I am starting to believe it might indeed be dead.  As for the inground pool, it's not a neighborhood pool with an iron fence you can easily see from the street.  We have a 6ft privacy fence, she has to stand on her patio and look over our fence to notice what color the water is.  A couple weeks ago I started the process of waking pool up, I got it to clear water and then we had those downpours.  I stopped running the pump because I end up tripping the breaker when stuff is wet, and it's not like anyone is going swimming in April if water is cold.
    This older couple next door has already had words with the renters across the street, in which the fella over there told my neighbor "that's why people get shot."  Really, what are they accomplishing, get a freaking job, mind your own business.  I ran the pool pump for a day and a half and the water looks crystal clear again.  Just saying, it wasn't that dirty.  Maybe she's butthurt I never invited her for a soak in the hot tub, she's asked a couple times over the years.  I would, but I have a strict rule of groping anyone who sits in there with me, I will grab a handful of boob.  I was doing her a favor, but maybe she wants to be treated like a wench for an evening by a husky dirty brown man.
    I do feel better that the pool looks clean, specially sitting here on Mother's Day and my in-laws headed over, it makes the atmosphere prettier.  It's never about money either.  I could go buy a bunch of new trees, but it is a hassle to plant them, I tried a couple years ago and the dirt is rock hard, not to mention, full of rocks.  I will probably go buy a new tree sometime this week, then work on digging a new hole.
    Big question, do I thank the old Bitty for keeping me on my toes?  Or do I walk around nude in my backyard and tell her to sniff between the cheeks?  I don't really want to start a war, although I do love arguing.  Do I call the HOA about their RV which they just backed into their driveway, again?  Last time it was there for a week, he notified us, saying it's ok, it'll just be a week.  Umm, it doesn't work that way, Jackass, we determine if it is OK.  It is an eyesore for us.  I could say "it's ok, pool will be clean by the time the weather stays in the 90s".  They won't care.  Their complaint is that it is stagnant water where mosquitos could grow, I would agree, but we have a huge creek about 50 yards away in the greenbelt.  That water is just as green and the water does not move.  maybe she should notice that and put a complaint to god.  I hear god and Whitey are tight.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

5/8/16 F**k Voting?

    We live in Austin and this election cycle they are all wet in the panties over prop 1.  It is something about if you vote yes, the city will take over background checks on Uber drivers, and thus increase our taxes to cover this cost.  If we vote no, Uber keeps the responsibility in their own hands and every pretty young coed that gets a ride at 3:00am is gonna get raped.  I'm sorry, not trying to make light of rape, but you should hear the commercials on the radio.  I almost miss XM radio, so I can avoid commercials, where are my CDs, I think I still have a couple.
    I was enjoying my life earlier this week when old Walking Redbull Drink came and got all Redbull in my face about needing to vote.  Of course, enjoying him loose his shit, I asked him which way he was voting, so I could vote opposite.  Big mistake, as I don't care either way, but now I got a full lesson on the matter.  He claims to be an independent, but of course he wants no new taxes, so he is voting no to prop 1.  I then go on about being really worried about the passengers riding Uber at night, I want them safe, so it would be best if our government got all involved.  You could see him turning red, taking a step back and then start all over explaining to me why I needed to vote his way.  I honestly give 2 shits about Uber passengers, that is a California thing or a Northern thing.  Real Texans drive their trucks home, even if they are drunk, plus I don't know anyone that uses Uber, other than in some songs as a joke line.
    Another wrinkle in something I don't care about, last night I was discussing it with Wife, in our hot tub, finally got it clean and running again.  She had the terms turned around.  She said in order to keep Uber taking care of their own background checks, we should vote yes, and for government intervening, vote no.  Redbull said he had discussed it with his neighbor who had a sign on his lawn to vote against prop 1, so obviously he knew what he was talking about.  But Wife is generally a smart cookie, and what wife doesn't know what she so talking about, you ever talk to one that wasn't an expert at any topic?
    The way I see it, all voting accomplishes is getting you on the list to do Jury Duty, and really, Fuck that.  I have a job Mr. Judge, who threatens contempt if you don't like how they run things, I can't be missing two days of work to determine the life of some unemployable who hurt someone or took something, allegedly, that wasn't his.  Cut his arm off, that'll learn him, if the punishment fits the crime, kill him, if he killed someone.  I hate the waste of time the courts and all that are. 
    Additionally, in regards to voting, the city of Austin said no multiple times to railroads, yet there we are, stopped on the roads so that the empty train can go across here and there.  Oh, but those tracks were already there, great, I read it still cost a billion dollars to get that project going, so that the trains run almost empty.  Awesome!!  Those crooks, and I mean the jackals in charge, do what they want.  They treat us like children, how many times does your kid say no, and then you do the opposite because you know better.  Same thing, except we are the children that collectively pay for everything, they are the parent, high on power, wasting our resources because they know better.

Addendum:  I just read a breakdown on Prop 1 on the KUT website (local radio station) and I understand it like Wife.  No means the city does background checks, which involves the city, which has to mean a higher cost to the city, which has to mean higher taxes.  Still not voting, but I do like being informed.