Today was the big day for minor surgery on my toenail. It came up fast as just last weekend Wife got on my Ass that I needed to take care of it, and preferably before our Florida trip. I left work early last night, so I would have a chance to sleep enough. I got out at 4:15am and was rushing to get in my truck and get home, but an older guy saw me in the parking lot and asked about my truck. That resulted in a fifteen minute discussion about all the trucks I have driven over the years, he was recounting them back to me. Maybe it was my fairy godfather, he sure knew a lot about me. I guess he works in my building, although I have never seen him. Either way, I was in my truck by 4:30am and home by 4:40. Just to play it safe, I did not eat breakfast, sometimes the doctors have weird requests, and since I didn't talk to them, Wife did, I figured I'd skip a meal and not wake her. I was asleep by 5:20am.
Wife woke me at 9:40am to get ready for my 11:00am appointment. I promptly did my business and showered and dressed. We were out the door by 10:40am (maybe not promptly). I let Wife drive me in her VW bug, she convinced me that it would be easier to park, I reluctantly agreed. It turned out to be a good idea, as the parking was shitty, but we were in the doctor's office by 10:55am. There was an old lady in the waiting room, Wife took a pic for her Snapchat and put a smiley face on her, as she was asleep. I just thought she was too old to be there on her own. But she went in a few minutes before us, then it was my turn.
I asked the nurse if it was going to hurt, he made an evil face and said yes, laughing as we walked into the room. He asked a few simple questions and had me sign a form or two. I was given the choice to go ahead and do the procedure in that room, a regular little room or we could go to a fancier room where they could pull a curtain so I didn't see what the doctor was doing. The doctor showed up and he started right up with the comedy. He looked at both my feet, I said the nail on my big toe on right foot has not been a problem, he said it had the classic staple shape, said we could wait on it, but without asking pulled it up and cut the ends and took a polishing wheel and shaped and thinned the whole nail, white powder flying all over.
The big show was on the left foot. He said the worst part was the shots, once it's numb, the rest is easy. He put four shots around the toe, which numbed up the toe to where he pinched the toe with pliers and I did not feel it at all. He pulled out some big clippers, I looked away and in one quick deep breath he said "no way you would be able to dig this out yourself" and he showed me a huge piece of nail, I looked away again and it was about the same from the other side. His concern was that if the nail grows long enough, it could fuse underneath the skin and then it becomes a more involved procedure. At this point, he took some carbolic acid on Q-tips and stuck them under the skin on both sides of the remaining nail. This looked like it would hurt tremendously, he poked and prodded under the skin a few times, I guess to make sure he got it all. There was some blood and it looked like I should be crying like a little girl, but the numbing shots really work. He bandaged me up, gave me some instructions, cracking with the comedy the whole time, and we were at Central Market by 11:50am
I am writing this around 7:00pm, and I still feel no pain, he said when the medicine wears off, I will feel like a "good pain" from having the nail not giving me pain anymore. I am trying my hardest not to move, but I feel my family hungry and pacing. We will probably head out to eat in a little while.
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