1/5/18 Mourning?

    My uncle passed away a couple days ago.  In a perfect world we would have left that night and headed home (but the weather was unseasonably cold and therefore dangerous), my Mom's side of the family has always been very tight knit, specially mom and her two sisters that lived in town along with my mom's brother.  I don't remember going more than a few days when we wouldn't see either aunt and back then my grandmother.  My uncle came into the picture about the same time Wife did, I believe I even heard 1987, which is the year I started dating Wife.  Fred was a part of our lives for a solid thirty years, infusing himself immediately, but he was always the type of guy you can't help but like.  He never had any agendas, he loved his Cowboys in the Fall, the Spurs in the Winter, and he probably tolerated the Longhorns because two of his nephews graduated from that school.  He was proud of us and loved being a part of our lives as much as we loved him for being a good and caring husband and uncle.
    So how do you mourn?  We have been incredibly lucky as we have not lost close family members often.  I didn't know if you walk in crying, I have felt it churning up a couple times but subsides after a while.  My aunt was sitting there by the door, so there wasn't much time to figure what to do other than go with the flow.  I dared not bring up the topic, as she seemed to be smiling and joking and glad to see us, I figured it would come up organically.  After a few minutes, she said something which sent her in that direction and whether you're made of steel or not, hearing a person cry out for a loved one cuts through all your defenses and tears will flow.  There is nothing more honest than the crying for a deceased loved one, knowing that for all their attempts and actions the person cannot come back.  It is a helpless feeling and it would be the worst feeling but the crying eventually subsides.  With loved ones all around, we can focus not on the dark, the sadness, but in the joy the person brought us.  We all know that as much as we love one another, we all have an expiration date.  Nobody escapes when it is their time, whether we coldly believe our bodies fail us, or God calls us home.
    It was beautiful imagery my other aunt comforting her sister saying that now my Grandma had her Fred (who she always loved like a son) to dance cumbias with and watch down on us.  After a while, the room eased a bit and we could joke around a bit until another wave came through, another fond and simple memory about something he used to do.  It is definitely easier to get through times like these with a big group of loved ones.  I know the next few days are going to be hard on us, I feel bad that I don't live here to contribute more, but I feel this is a good wake up call.  My brother will no doubt bust balls and say I am full of shit, but I guess only time will tell if we can do as we say.  There is a certain "aaah" to being home, it had been at least 6-8 months since I had been down to visit.  As the family is getting older, I feel like I should be around more.  Who knows, I saw a piece of land which would work perfectly if it is as good as it looks online for my retreat that I've been wanting to buy.  Maybe getting away in Austin means coming home in Crystal City.