The fall concert came and went and all is well except for one stirred emotion which I can't tamp back down. Before the concert, we went and ate and usually I talk with Javalina about his day and we joke around and what not. My mom was with us and we were talking about the concert and she asked me in a serious tone if I pushed Javalina in band, to be like me. I quickly assured her that I did not, and that if he is interested he needs to make his own wave and ride it. I am not going to expect him or anyone to put the kind of efforts I did when I was in high school.
I understand my Mom's position, but I don't like it. Since when is the person who works the hardest supposed to tone it down because I am laying down a "bad example" for my following siblings or kids? It turns out that my two brothers both tried band and they did not have as great an experience as I did. They were constantly compared to me and were expected to work harder to come up to my standard. Honestly, I don't think I am the most talented or smartest or anything you could hang your hat on, but nobody works at something harder than me to one up the person next to him/her. I hated the fact that my brother was naturally talented at any sports we went and played in the summers. Sometimes, it was tennis, sometimes, it was basketball, it all came easy to him. He could stand out in the perimeter and just shoot nice jump shots all day, I would spend hours outside by myself so we could be comparable. I didn't need to be told that in order to get better, one must put in more effort than the next guy.
Because I have the history of my brothers being miserable in my shadow, I cannot even preach the idea of a strong work ethic for fear I am pushing too much. This is one of those things where I bite my lip all the time. I remind the boys that the world is there for those who take it, there is no such bullshit as the meek shall inherit the earth. If you want to be successful, you better work harder than the guy sitting next to you, but that is as far as I can go. When Boy was in high school, I saw glimpses of an incredible work ethic, he loved working on the rockets, and I could see it. He was at school early, he stayed until way past 10:00pm at times. He would make me go to Home Depot and buy him fiberglass resin and stuff if they were running low and he had an idea. He takes great pride in telling me how he led his teams and most everyone around him sucked because they wouldn't carry their fair share. I know the boys have some fire in their bellies, but as baby dragons, they must huff and puff and make their own fire breathing spectacles. I accept that I am merely here to give them my DNA and lend support when they ask for it.
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