4/16/24 Twitter Is Disappointing?

     I honestly added Twitter a couple years ago to my phone because that is how football recruiters were contacting up and coming prospects and Mijo really wanted to play football in college.  I thought it was a cool new way to show video of performances in both football and wrestling plus any other activities other kids might be into for prospective college acceptances.  After the hoopla and excitement of my son's senior season all that died down.  It was still fun seeing some of his other friend's that are in lower classes putting their videos out, but it's not the same.  One night I guess I fell asleep on my phone while looking thru Twitter or my hands opened it just by chance, but I guess I sent some random messages on Twitter or something that by the morning my account was banned.  I had never made any comments, and I certainly would never try to insult someone on there, that is just not my style.  The most I had ever done was post a couple of wrestling pics from my son's tournaments.  Still, I was banned.  I tried asking for reinstatement but was quickly denied, again with no reason as to why.  The only thing I can think of is that I must have sent something random to someone random by falling asleep on top of my phone.  I didn't use it much, so I let it go.

    Fast forward, a few months and I wanted back on, mostly because the same girls that flaunt as much as possible on Instagram and Tiktok will post EVERYTHING on Twitter and there seems to be no penalty for it.  If someone is showing free previews of their birthday suits, I'm there for it.  I would never pay there is too much free adult content online, but sometimes curiosity gets you.  I was able to make a new account by using my work email instead of my personal email, but can only use that Twitter account on my laptop.  My phone will only accept the first account, and since it is banned, I can only look thru but not add anything, which still works to look at the slutty girls.  I don't understand how it is okay with Twitter to allow Pornhub level material to be posted, but I got banned.  This I don't mind, especially with Texas blocking access to all the porn sites statewide.

    The straw that broke the camel's back is that getting on Twitter now just seems to be one street fight followed by another school fight and I just don't really dig it.  I want to be informed of cool new things going on, not people breaking into cars and getting away with it.  I had to just close it on my laptop last night, it was another school fight in a bathroom, a bunch of black girls cheering on their friend fight another girl in a wheelchair in the handicapped stall.  That is about as low as humanity can get.  Who the fuck fights a girl who can't even stand up, knocks her off her wheelchair and then have friends whooping and hollering like she did something?  Even if the girl in the wheelchair was talking shit, that is just trash people doing trash activities.

4/15/24 Wife Takes Over?

    There was a point last week when I wanted to throw in the towel, for a second.  I have been changing my diet, and taking two blood pressure pills to handle the chemo drug, but still, there are small side effects that feel like big inconveniences, and with everything going on, sometimes it just seems easier to give up.  It didn't help that Wife has to be a freaking super hero at work.  Out of nowhere, one of her coworker's wife sustained an injury so he couldn't go to a conference that they had already paid for.  Instead of just taking the loss on the fees they had paid, she volunteered to go in his stead.  She did ask me if it was okay to go, but I could already feel she was basically filling up her car and packing her suitcase, so I wasn't going to stop her.  This meant I was alone from basically Wednesday thru Friday, fending for myself for food and stuff.  I had been doing well with my blood pressure but living like a rabbit has its limits, so Tuesday night we decided to live dangerously, and we ordered a medium pizza to split between the both of us.  Normally, we order three pizzas, wings, and some sort of pasta, and somehow it all finishes between the three of us.  I can eat a medium Domino's pepperoni pizza, no problem.  I figured I was playing it safe by only eating half a pizza, 4 slices.  They went down okay, I don't remember suffering too much with my stomach, but this emboldened me.

    I was then alone on Wednesday night and had a pack of pork loins to cook for the two of us but it was me now.  I decided since my blood pressure read good that I could afford to season my meat like a human, so I used my favorite "Salt Lick" seasoning.  It is so good, just the right amount of heat and loaded with flavor.  I don't think the salt content is too high, so I felt safe.  This kind of started my bloated stomach feeling, or heartburn.  This wasn't just feeling full after a meal, this was going to bed with a pain and waking up still thinking about it.  Being the knucklehead I am, the next night I still had the other half of that meal, so I basically ate the same thing over again, and repeated my discomfort.  Now I am walking around for two days with a feeling like someone is stepping on my stomach and not to mention the "diaper rash" which made it painful to walk, even from my car to my place of work, which is buried inside a building, I have to walk several long hallways.  I came home early on Friday, I was in so much discomfort between my stomach and my raw "boys" down there.

    I kept using Vaseline which my mom suggested for the rash, but it wasn't doing enough.  I then tried hydrocortisone, which I bought for my scar, which looked like it wanted to open up last week.  It too didn't do much.  I was a mess and just lay in bed defeated.  Then my hero got home, I told her as she was driving back from Houston that I was in pain, she stopped at CVS and bought a couple things.  She had me try Desitin, and it helped, but then she had me add the anti chafing stuff that looks like a deodorant stick and that seemed to really change things.  I could walk from the bathroom to the kitchen and not feel like my stuff was being rubbed raw.

    We then went and got groceries at Central Market, I just wanted some bread, since it seems okay for heartburn, but we ended up getting a bunch of fruit, and then we added a couple meats so we wouldn't have to go to HEB for the week.  It was still cheaper than when we are feeding Mijo, for just the two of us.  I could see this becoming a pattern, plus the food is supposed to be healthier, if a little more expensive.  Getting back to the point, Wife helped me get rid of 95% of my rash, I haven't taken anything for my stomach in last two days, and now I have a couple snacks I'm not scared to eat.  All this and my blood pressure was lower than its been both days this weekend.  I need to keep this little woman around, she's good for business.

4/10/24 Small Things Matter In Comfort?

     I keep telling myself that it'll hurt somewhere else tomorrow and I don't know if I'm glad about that or not.  Yesterday, it seemed to be an upset stomach/heartburn was going to become the in thing.  This, along with my "diaper rash" that has set up camp and decided to stay, it seems.  Well, today the focus of my discomfort moved to my soles.  My feet felt like I had walked on hot rocks the day before and now I was all blistered and sore.  Luckily, it just feels that way.  I told my clinical study lady and she wanted a picture.  I simply said it was a feeling like they were burned and blistered, there is nothing physical to see.  I hope she is not foretelling me that things will get to that point, it'll suck.

    My stomach pain has pretty much gone away.  I don't know if it is the heartburn pill I've been taking daily or if the pain bug has just decided to move somewhere else.  Either way, I  guess I am glad that nausea feeling didn't last too long.  I don't know if it is a side effect but I was telling Wife for the first time since not knowing what kind of cancer I had, I felt a bit of depression this morning.  It feels like I am living the same day over and over.  It isn't even a great day on repeat, it's one of those shitty ones you'd rather not think about.  I tried to get excited at the idea of eating fresh fruits and veggies, but cutting out meat isn't just an easy decision here, even if it helps keep my blood pressure down, I'm fat for a reason, I love the taste of food.  I have been thinking non-stop about pizza today, I know, be strong, blah blah blah, I got nothing else to motivate me here day to day.  I keep looking at the online thing with MD Anderson and my bill is already up over $4,000.  They haven't done much more than diagnose.  I'm scared to think what the final cost will be.  I don't know how it all works, I thought I was capped out at paying $5000 a year per my insurance.  I keep dragging my feet on sending a payment, but at some point, they'll escalate up to a more formal ask of their money.  I know they don't operate for free, but damn.

    To make things worse, Wife just told me somebody got hurt at work, so she is having to go in their stead to a conference out of the blue this Thursday and Friday.  She will pack her bag, go to work tomorrow, has a board meeting, and then is going to head to Houston afterwards.  I am calling bullshit on that, she shouldn't be expected to cover both the board meeting and the conference, but it's not like she listens.

    Anyways, I also hate working 5 days a week now that I have been moved off compressed weeks.  There is nothing more soul crushing than doing this shit five days a week.  I've spent the last 25 years working some sort of reduced work week, how do so many people work 5 days and not complain, it totally changes how I feel about work.

4/9/24 Heartburn And Hypotension?

     Finding a happy medium is not that easy.  I thought I had figured out this high blood pressure thing, just cut out salt and the pressure will fall.  Another way to get there is to use medication, which I have now two prescriptions to help me keep blood pressure lower.  What nobody has told me is what happens if I actually do what I'm supposed to and my blood pressure responds too well.  Before starting on the chemo, I was walking around somewhere in the lower 130/80 something range.  When I started on it, I shot up to 170/99 and I was told to head to the ER if I did not feel well.  This was all last weekend, Easter Weekend.  I managed to get myself together and decided to cut out sodium, while the endocrinologist suggested I go get an EKG.  Getting the EKG meant talking to a doctor here, and he prescribed a 2nd blood pressure medicine.  I think it just happened that when I started making changes, I also added his blood pressure medicine, and after getting my endocrinologist to approve it, I got on a path to hit these weird numbers over this weekend.

    It kind of sucks that I have the clinical study lady Monday thru Friday, but on the weekend, well everyone is kind of off.  She does communicate, such as she wants to know my bp every morning, but I know she is probably at home with family or whatever and I don't want to be a nuisance.  Anyway, after her encouraging me to eat healthier, which I have, firstly, we are not eating out.  Everything is packed with sodium when it comes to fast food.  I don't like that the average meal is also now closer to $15 a person.  Getting off track here, but I went from normal bp to high last week, now I was teasing with the low numbers, and maybe they are still considered good, but over the last few days, I have read 113/77, which might fall in the normal range, but last night's 106/68 seemed wrong.  I did the only thing I could think of and came into the kitchen at 10:00pm, we had just gotten back from dropping off Mijo at Georgetown, and I ate both a hot dog and a sausage.  I avoided those off the grill because I'm trying to be good, but this felt like an emergency.  I waited about an hour, then checked my bp, it was 129/78, which sounded more normal to me.

    I am not quite sure of the heartburn, but I have a heavy feeling in the center of my stomach/chest.  It's not over the heart, plus I see my bp pressure and heart rate every couple hours, those are fine.  I decided it must be some sort of heartburn, possibly because we are trying to put flavor in our food with maybe too many other seasonings to avoid salt.  I tried a Pepcid AC to see if it would help, but the instructions say it could take up to four days.  I'll probably take another today, see if it helps.

    I'm sure in a couple more days, it'll be something else that is bothering me.

4/8/24 Total Eclipse Of The Cloud?

     Who knows what actually happens on the day, but as of this past week, they are predicting a more than 50% chance of showers for Monday and Tuesday.  This is kind of funny after hearing about the big eclipse activity happening around here.  It gets ridiculous when they start covering stories with people from around the world coming over here to get a best look at something we're not supposed to stare at in the first place.  Wife's school, for example spent a huge amount of money on those special solar eclipse glasses for every student, they cost a little more because they are getting personalized with the school name or some crap like that.  It's funny to me that after going thru that ridiculous expense, that the sun will play shy guy and hide behind the clouds during it's most interesting day of the next decade, according to some.

    I still don't understand why the governor was already calling for a disaster declaration for a few minutes of night time during the day with an easily explainable reason, but we are still a very primitive people when it comes to rituals.  Some geniuses online are declaring end times, some are declaring that a portal to another dimension will open, which obviously happened during Covid and the reason for all the nonsense we now seem to live in, or so "they" say.  I guess that by declaring it a disaster, the governor then has options like the use of the national guard.  A story I read said this means he will have access to blackhawk helicopters from the military, if needed.  I do kind of like the idea of a few of our military choppers full of missiles and power be at the ready if some fools want to act up.

    Another facet of this is that school will be canceled for some, even Mijo at Southwestern University.  He said we could drop him off Monday, but before practice, he doesn't understand that during the week, we are both at work, so we will still drop him off Sunday night.  I think school back home is also going to be closed for the day, according to my mom.  This didn't make sense until you add in that there will be an extra few hundred thousand people meandering through the thin area of the country where the eclipse will be a thing, and we just happen to live in it.  With up to a million new strangers driving around, maybe keeping your children safe at home is the best thing, because people suck when given the chance, not because some spiritual shit will happen.

    I am pretty sure I've experienced a few eclipses and it's always the same thing, it gets dark for a few minutes, you're not supposed to look at the sky, but come on, we all do, if for a second, with or without those goofy 3-D looking glasses, then within a few minutes it wears off and the day continues as if nothing happened.

4/7/24 Might Develop Some Empathy?

     I know I'm a fat ass, but still, I have been lucky enough to walk around feeling well, most of the time.  I know I could be better, but as much as I may try, I don't think I'll ever walk around at a "perfect 180 pounds" as the medical books seem to think that's what healthy men should weigh.  Before the whole cancer thing, I hadn't gone to a doctor in maybe five years, and that is because I feel good most of the time.  Even without monitoring it, my blood pressure was a decent 133/86, starting to climb, but not in the category of needing medicine or even cutting my weight to control it, but it would help, I know.

    Just this past week, with all the changes the chemo drug has been doing to my body, I can see how some people are just miserable all the time.  I am not letting it get me down, I still believe as they told me, for every negative side effect, they have something to counter it, I just have to be positive and continue working.  Cutting out too much sodium had me feeling like I was going to cramp up every time I moved outside of my comfort zone, from stretching my legs, to stretching around to wipe my butt.  One muscle group or another does not work well when it is not supplied the nutrients it needs.  I drove as passenger with Wife last night to go pick up Mijo in Georgetown and the whole way I was in discomfort, my back was tight, I couldn't really reach around for fear of an arm cramp, and even after we picked him up, we tried eating at a restaurant up there and getting off, I just felt like I had a backpack on with 500 pounds in it.  I was not feeling up for anything.  Luckily, the wait was going to be an hour, so we left.  We decided on our old trusty Whataburger and I said F it, I am eating a big boy burger, let the sodium consume me, I just felt bad.  It was great, but even getting home, I lay in bed and felt my lower back flinching as I lay in bed, facing up, our bed has lifting abilities, so I lifted the feet up to give my back a little natural curve, and still I fell asleep kind of tense.

    Now that it is morning (writing this Saturday morning), I feel like a cloud has lifted.  I haven't felt any cramping or tightness and the world just feels better.  I can say the same thing about all the rash I was feeling a few days ago.  My mom just suggested a big dollop of Vaseline and sure enough, by morning my boys downstairs feel almost good as new.  The little ulcer next to my leg scar is also looking like it's drying up, I have been applying hydrocortisone to keep it moist.

    It is sad to figure that some people do live with these "side effects" without being on chemo, because of genetics or bad diets, and I can see that it must suck to be in some people's shoes.  I used to kind of sneer when people say they have fibromyalgia, this from listening to too many episodes of Loveline, and Dr. Drew never seemed to believe the callers when it came to that one.  I'm not saying I have that, but the symptoms are similar.  If these people would maybe adjust their diets, maybe they could find some relief.  Life is so much better when your body is quiet and not constantly calling for attention.

4/6/24 New Side Effects Arriving Daily?

     Just when I think I am doing alright, something new reminds me I am ingesting a chemical that is designed to kill inside the body.  Not to be dramatic, but I am not used to feeling this and that.  I have now started feeling cramps pretty much all over my body.  I noticed it last night, while eating dinner.  I had a small bowl of those bland beans Wife made on Sunday, and every time I lifted the bowl up to my mouth, to avoid spilling them on myself or the carpet, my hand would want to cramp up as I was holding the bowl.  I thought it weird and Wife noticed right away I was fidgeting with my hands.  She thought it was the numbness I felt the first few days, which I said no.  I just shook my hands a few times and they settled down, but something is there.

    It happened again Friday morning, I stretched in bed and my leg locked up and woke me.  I moved back and it sort of let go, but the cramp was there.  I decided to just get up at that point.  Every time that I stretch though, I feel like I could cramp.  In the shower, I was stretching my arm to wash my armpits and again, my whole shoulders felt like they wanted to lock up, I had not felt that sensation, it was not fun, it seemed almost suffocating, but it let go.  It has been like that all day, every time I put my body in a different than normal position, such as reaching under the cabinet at work to get bottles, my stomach area wanted to lock up.

    Because of all this, I am going to go back to eating normally.  I am trying to help keep my blood pressure down, but I am not going to be cramping up like this and accept it.  I have to find a happy medium where I can help the blood pressure pills some, but also not feel like I do.  As soon as I get this back under control, I am sure something else will sprout up to annoy me.  Oh well, if it helps in the long run, I guess sacrifices have to be made.

    I would like to add that we stopped at ole Whataburger when we got back from picking up Mijo, we had not eaten dinner and I was set on eating a burger to try and relieve these cramps I've been getting all over.  I enjoyed a patty melt, but only ate about half the fries.  It was delicious and great, but I waited to look at the sodium content and to find out it was like 1700 mg when I had been trying to consume less than that per day the rest of the week, I was a bit scared to check my blood pressure.  I was then glad to see it hadn't changed drastically before bedtime, still hovering around 134/79 and then 130/91 in the morning, before the blood pressure pill.  I'll be drinking plenty of water to wash that extra sodium out, but at least last night I was not bothered by threats of my body cramping up on me.