2/21/19 Suicide Is A Solution?

    My mom just called this afternoon to see of I knew so and so, they were a classmate of Wife and they just committed suicide.  Mom, of course said "aww, how sad" and all the usual blah blah blah.  I didn't know the person but I don't feel like my mom.  Life is hard and if you aren't cut out for it, then there is nothing wrong with taking yourself out.  This may sound ugly but what if they stick around and then one night they decide to go out for a drive on pills or drunk and crash into your vehicle or take out a bus full of nuns or whatever generic car full of good people?  Best they do the deed to themselves in the comfort of their home.
    Now, if they have kids, then it becomes different because you aren't supposed to be living for yourself but for the betterment of your kids.  At this point I don't consider my life my own, I am something akin to good dirt or fertilizer for my two boys to grow healthy and strong.  It is the parents responsibility for the kids to grow up and be productive members of society.  If I just thought "am I happy or sad?" without taking into account the fact that I have kids, then I am a selfish clod who doesn't have any depth of understanding.  I don't know this person and I am not thinking of others who have done the same, but leaving your young ones to fend for themselves is the worst part of committing this act, fuck all the BS of going to hell or whatever other fairy tales we grow up hearing.
    I don't understand that one guy, Chen Si, who stands sentry at a bridge in China and has saved something like 300 people from jumping to their deaths.  What if they return home and get drunk and decide "ok, I'll kill myself by burning the house down with my family in it."  Which is better?  Would old Chen feel as heroic if they told him how some of these people take their lives later on?  One good story while on a bridge isn't going to change the life of someone intent on ending themselves.
    We live in a time where we can get real help, by opening up to a therapist, opening up to friends, going to a shelter if there is abuse at home, but the victim has to be the strong one, they have to want a change.  I still remember when I started dating Wife back in high school, other people dating and being in miserable relationships, but they wouldn't end them and then they would get married and you would hear about abuse.  Come on, that should have been nipped in the bud right from the beginning, where were the parents saying "No, that is a god dam idiot, stop dating him?"  Again, circle of life, parents have to get involved.  Twice, while Boy was dating otherwise very cute girls I told him, nope, this one is going nowhere, end it.  He might not have done it right away, but he knew we weren't happy with him dating nutty.  And yes, I believe that most of the time people look for suicide as a solution, they are trying to get away from an asshole in their lives that has consumed them.
Sorry if I seem callous, but if you are feeling overwhelmed, please start with the bravest thing you can do and reach out, if everyone around you sucks and most people do, call:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255